Weird Face Girl

Weird Face Girl, this is all your fault. That's what Bruce Martin thinks as he shifts his car into reverse. That and he thinks that it might be time to stop smoking weed. He could definitely go for a beer though.



Weird Face Girl. When Sean, Jenny, and Squirrely Dave met her at the Port Pub, the first thing out of Squirrely Dave's mouth was, "That girls got a weird face." But, in Fairport, there weren't very many options. Jasper used to tell him about girls from the city, and they existed like fairies and sylphs in his mind. Something fun to think about, but the reality of the situation is that you get stuck with a Weird Face Girl when you live in Fairport. The added benefit was that Weird Face Girl introduced him to the miracles of Marijuana. This helped in their relationship immensely. That and the cleaning thing. The higher he got, the more he wanted to clean.



They barely spoke to each other, until they were stoned and then...then she would start into a long beautiful sonata of words that he never truly understood but still would seem like cold, calm water in the desert. As he cleaned her apartment he would listen and smile as if he were at a fine opera by Mozart. Pianissimo to forte and the dust would fly. The vacuum cleaner would provide a base line that she would talk arpeggios over, till finally they would lie down on an april fresh carpet and the symphony would end on high and staccato notes of gasps and grunts...and it didnt matter that she had a weird face then, because then he would leave....leave, sated as if after a fine meal and the drive home would be as smooth as a smoke after sex could be.



But today, Weird Face Girl had been watching a talk show. Montel, Sally, Ricki... He had a hard time telling which one, and honestly was surprised that this kind of shit was still on the TV. The subject of the show was "Modern Day Freaks". He laughed at the irony until Weird Face Girl, shushed him. The worlds smallest man, a very large woman with a beard, a pair of Siamese twins who hated each other and a man with no ears.



Bruce was fascinated. He had actually stopped cleaning and sat with Weird Face Girl on the couch. They watched in silence as people told the large woman, who also happened to be an Avon lady, that she should splurge and get electrolysis. When she stood up and said that she was proud of who she was, the audience went wild in an orgy of enthusiasm. The man with no ears kept making the same joke, leaning forward and going, "Hunh?"



Then the Siamese twins got into a fight. A fist fight. First Martin hit Lewis than Lewis hit Martin. Then it dissolved into a storm of fists. Bruce was disgusted with his own fascination. The same guilty pleasure as in masturbation. He sat in silence as he watched what appeared to be a man beating himself to death. He wondered, idly, if Martin could feel his blows landing on Lewis, and what kind of hatred that would inspire one to risk a beating just because it would hurt the other person. He felt like he was watching suicide personified.



And he couldn't stand to be where he was. He couldn't stand to be the person that he was, and without a word, he got up and fled the partially clean apartment of Weird Face Girl and she didnt even move. At least he thinks that she wasnt moving. But her face....



As he started his car he began to worry that at any second his own body might turn against itself and even though he wouldn't want it, his hands would reach up and begin to strangle him.



The gentle hum as the engine started calmed him. Then the weed kicked back in....or whatever, he felt a little giggle slip out. It was actually kind of funny. Squirrely Dave and Sean would really get a kick out of it. They would sit down later over a beer and laugh their asses off. Jenny, might even find it funny. Probably not, though, she didnt have much of a sense of humor after she married Thad, she would roll her eyes and make an excuse to go to the bathroom and then they would all laugh behind her back. Yeah, everyone else would be laughing and having a good time and that just made the giggles hit him even harder



It wasnt until he reached down to put the car in drive that he noticed the blood.



Blood on the steering wheel. Where the hell had that come from? Then he noticed the blood on his hands and heard someone moving in the back seat



"Well aint that a shitter, Marty"

"It sure is Lou."

"What the fuck do you suppose is going on Marty?"

"Beats the fuck out of me, Lou."



Bruce glanced into the rear view mirror and spied Martin and Lewis, the Siamese twins, joined at the shoulder and smiling at him through split lips and blackened eyes. He blinked and looked away but when he looked back...



"He better put this car in gear, eh, Marty?"

"He sure as fuck better, Lou."

"Cause he sure don't want to see whats behind door number one."

"You bet, Lou."



"Hunh", said the man with no ears, from the passenger seat.



"I dont think he's listenin,Marty. I think hes gonna go back inside."

"That would sure be a mess, Lou"

"Listen to me boy. Put the car in reverse and drive away."



Bruce sat there staring at the blood on his hands. All at once, there were way too many choices in life.



"Hunh?", said the man with no ears.



"Show him, Marty."

"You got it, Lou."



And there she was. Weird Face Girl. She was smiling but she was missing something...something. She was...Her white teeth were gone. A dark red lump glistened where her weird face usually was. A wet and slimey...



He slammed the car into reverse. Tires squealed. Rubber burned. Sean and Squirrely Dave would know what to do. He left Weird Face Girl's broken body. He just needed a beer.



"The boy sure can drive when he wants too, eh Marty"

"You bet, Lou."

"Hunh?", said the man with no ears.