Oogle Me, But Only If You Have An Accent

I've come to the conclusion that love is a figment of the imagination forced on us either by society (to make our empty lives seem somewhat less lonely) or by Disney (to sell various videocassettes, key chains, and plush toys). If asked to make a decision on the origins of our current society's idea of love, though, I prefer pointing the finger at Disney. I say this simply because I too have been sucked in - by several sickeningly cute cartoon romances, but most particularly one called 'Beauty and the Beast'. Yes, I too have fallen in love with the animal-on-human hour of love that is 'Beauty and the Beast', and for those readers who have never had the privilege of seeing said film (I apologize for your unhappy existence), I will certainly attempt to explain it's passionate intricacies.

Young, beautiful, French Belle becomes the ‘prisoner’ of the unlikely owner of a sprawling enchanted castle. The owner, Beast, is a hulking, hairy creature with a bad attitude, and is (of course) under the curse of a fairy. His curse can only be broken, in true Disney fashion, by requited love - because, as the audience knows from the beginning, Beast is really a handsome prince. Of course, as is the norm with animated Disney films (unfortunately), the ending is happy. Beast turns Prince, Prince marries Belle, both are happy in a most pristine way, I consider eating an entire pint of ice cream alone (again), and cry myself to sleep. Thank you Disney.

But is that ever really the way things work? I mean, minus the curses, beasts, princes, fairies, and French people - could a love so strong ever exist? Could a pretty girl ever learn to love a beast, despite that he licks himself, scares small animals, and eats with his hands? The answer is yes, because this happens every day. But could a beauty every learn to love an ugly beast, someone who doesn’t even come close to matching her own physical, emotional, and spiritual beauty? Probably not. And I say this with complete authority because I’ve seen ever episode of ‘Beauty and the Geek’.

Because, the thing is, love always seems to be conditional. There’s always something that will be able to tear two people apart. There are no real-life Westley’s and Buttercup’s, no couple as timeless and perfect as Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. And none of these lovely couples, not one of the couples that I myself wish to base a relationship on, is from my own home country of America. In fact, the only semi-romantic couple from American pop-culture that I can actually think of just off the top of my head might be Lucy and Dezi - and he was from Cuba. So in this perhaps I’ve found my answer. True love does exist, just not in America. Not for me at least.

This conclusion doesn’t bother me in the least, though. Some women marry for money, some women marry for looks. Not I. I will marry my man for his accent. If I choose to marry a man with an accent, no matter how boring whatever he’s saying to me, I promise I will be listening. Because listening to that accent will be enough for me.

(Continued Later)