Dingos As Pets

Dingos as pets

Dingos as pets. What a stupid idea! Vicious, salivating, baby-eating monsters. Little legless toddlers oozing blood.

How about this, rather – Mommy and Daddy and 2.2 kids. White picket fences, impeccably trimmed hedges, and little topiary shrubs in the shape of animals. Daddy throwing up in the flowerbed. Wait, what? That’s right. Daddy, pumped full of Scotch. Daddy, staggering up the garden path. Daddy, kicking the table, the dog, the mommy. Daddy kicking Mommy. Daddy hitting Mommy. Mommy screaming. What is he doing, Mommy? “I don’t know.” What are you doing, Daddy? “I don’t know.”

Here’s a better situation: Mommy is fine, Daddy’s not drunk. At least, I guess he’s not, wherever he is. He’s sure not here. Mommy gets by okay, though. There’s a nice man in a purple coat and a shiny car who takes care of her and her friends, gives them money. Money! Just for standing on the street corner in a miniskirt! Mommy makes a lot of special friends, out on that corner. Friends she visits in the middle of the night. Someone called earlier, and Mommy’s getting ready now. Lots of mascara and lipstick. Where are you going, Mommy? “I don’t know.”

Change the scenario: Mommy’s here, Daddy’s here. They’re together – all the time. Nobody drinks – no money for booze. No job, no school, nothing to occupy us. We gave up on begging ages ago. What Descartes and Aristotle would have given for this! Hundreds of unfilled hours to contemplate the futility of life. A Mercedes speeds by – it’s worth more than ten times as much as our house. We don’t really have a house; we just lease it from the rats. Why us, Mommy? “I don’t know.”

This is better. Mommy has a job. Daddy has a job. Mommy and Daddy are jobs. Wake up, work, sleep, wake up, work. Mommy’s adverts are on TV, Daddy’s clients are in the newspaper. They don’t change lives, they don’t help people. Mommy, what good is a commercial for cheese if you don’t know your own baby? Daddy, well done, that man you represented is free to rape again. “Not now, dear, I’m working.” Wow, all that work for an early retirement to an empty house and kids who hate you. What’s the point, Nanny? “I don’t know.”

Makes you think…
Dingos as pets. What a good idea.