Ruminations of a Glance

Ruminations of a Glance

You looked up into my eyes and saw to the depth of my being.  In just one casual moment those eyes…so beautiful…The color of summer thunderstorms rolling across the Texas Hills…  My whole being shifted in a way that has never happened before!  Nobody was supposed to know about my pain…my loneliness… 

I write about these things!  They don’t happen in real life! 

Or do they? 

If they don’t, how the hell did you get in my head? 

Why do I want to run my fingers through your hair?  I dream of memorizing the texture and scent.  Why do I want to taste those beautiful lips?  I can’t stop imagining how your breath feels on my cheek.  Why do I want to feel the power in your arms as you pull me near?  Strength enough to offer the haven I so desperately crave right there; so near.  How can I so wantonly desire your voice murmuring in my ear?  A litany of soft assurances that I’ve earned my second chance so seductively floating through my head; I can almost hear. 

That I do deserve to be loved…Completely.

That it’s not okay that dull anxiety, hurt, and diffidence are my bed fellows.

The vows I took require me to bear up in the face of the bad as well as the good.  Nobody was supposed to see that far into my being.  I was prepared to be steadfast and endure until that brief gaze when our eyes met in a casual exchange.  My resolve quaked.

Am I the very most horrid of beings that I’m tired of struggling to endure one heartbreaking difficulty after another?  Am I a coward to crave harmony, reassurance, and consideration?  I never dreamed I would ever feel this cold and alone. 

What are the rules? 

Don’t I deserve a second chance?  When is enough…Enough? 

Was this a fleeting moment to play fickle with my emotions?  Was this a flight of fancy to tease a parched and yearning soul?  Was this real?

I do deserve to be loved…Completely.

You looked up into my eyes and saw to the depth of my being and everything shifted so powerfully; I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same.