The Charred Phoenix

You are what you make your past
At 18 I have struggled more than most ever will
It is these struggles that keep you strong
They give you your most formidable weapons
I am invincible
         ***
On the nicest spring day
It was storming inside
I sat in front of you,
sharing my most painful memories
I sat there bawling, begging you to believe me
But you sat there unaffected by my story
Ignoring my pain, living in a perfect world
Crafted by a master manipulator
Leaving me the victim, again
         ***
I sat next to you
Listening intently as you described my perfect future
Free of pain, and all other emotion
You trained me for that role
I had to be the perfect wife/mother/daughter
Docile, Perfect, and Submissive
Self giving to the point of my extinction
A role I could never fill
It wasn’t easy ignoring my gut and
All the unexpressed emotions I kept inside,
Caused me to become emotionally bankrupt
You were pleased, I was numb
         ***
I grew up in your footsteps
An easy target for you
You took a piece of me I didn’t know I had
But still I was young , naïve, and desperately
Longed for attention, even the negative
Our relationship was like acid
Eroding at my insides for years
I was young and wanted you to be right
         ***
After many talks, arguments, and
forced happiness when I felt fear
I realized you were a mess
Unable to hang on to
this self-destructing grenade
I let go, setting my self free

I couldn’t help you
You didn’t want to help your self
Unable to recognize a problem in your behavior
You shattered my hope, but I had done all I could
I couldn’t live for you
         ***
I stand before you a charred phoenix
New wings spread, for the long journey ahead
Strong winds make the course difficult
But I soar to a future untainted by my past