Christmas Without You

December 24th

My Darling Husband,
         I am sitting here on the window seat you put in for me, watching as the snow falls. Is it snowing over there on you? It seems like only yesterday when I kissed you goodbye, and begged you to come home safely to me. I can't believe we are spending our first Christmas separated by thousands of miles. The snowflakes sparkle in the moonlight like little stars falling to the ground. Before you ask, of course I covered your motorcycle. I'm feeling a little blue, I never expected to spend Christmas without you. Have you really been gone six months? It seems like an eternity. I know that what you are doing is important, and look at me, I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but it hurts being apart from you. Was it only last Christmas when you asked me to be your wife? Talk about a lifetime ago. Your mama asked me to spend Christmas there, but it just wasn't the same, not without you. Daddy says to be proud of you, that your defending freedom, and that I have to be strong. I know your needed there, but it's so hard. Knowing your alone there, and missing you here. Give my regards to the boys, and remind them how proud we are of them. I talked to your sister today, She's having a baby. I was so happy, and yet so sad, that you aren't here to tell her how you feel. They told me you won't be able to come home until at least March. It seems so far away, every day drags, I find myself seeing you walking through the door, but when I look again, your not there. The snow is falling harder now my love, and I should be sleeping, but I can't bring myself to say goodbye. I miss you. I wish I wasn't spending Christmas without you. I know I am being maudlin. I registered for classes starting in January. I need something to keep my mind off of missing you. Your mother thought it was a wonderful idea. My dreams of becoming a teacher aren’t as far off as I once imagined. Daddy says he doesn’t see why I feel the need to work, that you take good care of me. You do take good care of me, but I want to do something with my life, at least until we start a family of our own.  Christmas without you is torture, but I’ll be a trooper. I love you, always and forever.
                                                                                         Your Loving Wife.

              Without thinking she addressed the envelope, sealed it closed and then kissed it. "Watch over him Lord, and bring him home safely to me." she whispered as she set the letter on the table to mail after Christmas.
Walking slowly through the little house they had bought a year ago, she looked around expecting to see him, but he’s not here. Her fingers brush over his jacket, which was still hanging on the back of his favorite chair, the leather was soft, but worn. Picking it up she tugged it close, it still smelled of your cologne, spicy and rugged. Sighing, she put it back on the chair. The house is so quiet and lonely without him there. The wind howled like a wolf, and blew one of the shutters against the house, and she screamed, jumping around. "It was just the wind, come on, your a grown woman, next you'll be believing in ghosts." She rationalized.
         Sighing, she ran a hand through her long flaming curls. Quietly walking upstairs to their bedroom she stopped short. The scent of his cologne hung heavy in the air. “Honey?” She called out even though she knew he weren’t really there. Too many long, and lonely nights alone. That was all it was. She opened the door to our bedroom and gasped.
         “Your home? Really here?” She barely whispered, shaking her head to clear the vision of him smiling, laying on their bed in nothing but a bright red Christmas bow.
         Running over to the bed, she sat down and brushed his cheek. Stubble scratched her palm, and brought her to her senses, he were really there. Leaning into him, she kissed him softly.
         He deepened the kiss, pulling her tight into his arms. His work roughened hands brushed along the sensitive skin of her back, brushing along her spine as he lifted one of his old shirts up, quickly removing it from her body. He continued to kiss her body, nibbling down her neck. He brushed his fingers along the sides of her breasts, eliciting a sharp needy gasp from her. He brushed his thumbs over her nipples, causing them to tighten, sending pulsing need spiraling through her.
         “Please.” She begged.
         He obliged, lowering his mouth to one of her nipples, suckling it hard into his mouth. He swirled his tongue, lavishing attention on the rosy bud. His hands slid down caressing her sides, then lifting her hips, and bringing her to straddle his lap. She had been sleeping in his shirts and nothing else. He loved that. She was hot and wet, ready for him. He slid his hand around and teased the pulsing bud of her clit with his fingers.
         “Please…” She whimpered, her hands sliding up to rest on his shoulders as she arched her back rocking her hips wantonly into him.
         He pulled his fingers away, and slid his hands back to her waist. Without warning he pulled her down hard onto his hard throbbing cock. Her cry was captured by his mouth as he kissed her hungrily. It had been months since they had been together like this, and he wasn’t going to waste time speaking.
         She rocked against him urgently, the months having heightened the need she felt deep inside. She arched her back, so his cock would press against her g-spot with each desperate thrust. Something made her desperate for these moments, as she moved against him in a frenzied rush.
         He lifted her hips, lifting her almost off of him. He then tugged her down while he thrust up hard, filling her deeply. He bent his knees up and lightly pressed her back against them, which kept her arched to where every hard thrust drove her more wild with desire. The musky scent of her need filled the air and mingled with his cologne. He knew what she needed, and he would give it to her, but not at the hurried pace she wanted. His thrusts were slow, deliberate, and hard. Driving movements which drove her to the edge, then backed off, dragging it out longer.
         She dragged her nails down his arms, arching her back against his knees, her head falling back as she lost herself in the feeling of his hard cock, thrusting deep into her wet pussy. He filled her then withdrew, then filled her deeper, harder, making her want to scream. Just as quickly as she felt the edge, he had backed away from it. It felt heavenly to finally be in his arms again.
         He knew he couldn’t hold her back any longer, but he wanted more for her, so his hand slid down and started repeatedly stroking over her clit, while continuing to thrust hard and deep inside her. He could feel her tightening around his cock, as he drew his other hand up to stroke her breasts, rolling one hardened nipple between his fingers, and then the other.
         This time when she felt that edge, she screamed as she tumbled over it. He didn’t stop, he continued the sensual assault on her body. His hard thrusts went deeper, and his fingers played over her like a violin. She was still falling, when she felt the pressure building again. She begged and pleaded for more. They had six long months to make up for.
         He tugged her down to kiss him, then carefully rolled them over, lifting one of her legs up to his shoulder, the other up onto his forearm, as he continued to thrust deep and hard inside her. He could feel both of their needs throbbing with every thrust.
         He leaned down and kissed her. Deep, hungry, She still tasted of the peppermint hot cocoa he knew she had drank earlier to help her sleep. He hated knowing she had troubled sleeping while he was gone. As he arched his back and rocked harder into her, he groaned, feeling her pussy clenching at him, trying to milk him, and he finally gave in, thrusting hard, short thrusts, his seed coating the walls of her uterus, as she screamed out her own creamy cum mingling with his.
         Kissing him back she tangled her hands in the short hair on the back of his neck, whimpers, and soft moans, mingling with the beat of her heart in her ears, as she felt his seed filling her. She pulled him to her as their breathless gasps for air filled the room. She felt complete after months of emptiness, but she couldn’t keep her eyes open, as she drifted into a restful sleep.
         He pulled out of her arms, pulled the blanket up over her and kissed the top of her head. He quietly walked from the room, and walked downstairs. His clothes appeared on him as if they had never been removed, and he sighed. This was going to take some getting used to. He knew he shouldn’t have come, but he needed to be there for her.
         He walked into the living room and picked up the note she had wrote to him, he ached when he read the words, so lovingly written. Glancing outside he saw the snow still falling, blanketing the earth with it’s crisp new cover. Was it snowing where he was? No. He should have told her that he wasn’t going to be spending Christmas with her. She was right, Christmas without each other was indeed blue.
         His eyes filled with tears that would not be shed, as he read about his sister’s baby. He was proud of her, and he wished that his beloved bride could have that, a baby, a part of both of them. He tucked her letter into his pocket, he would finish it later. Shaking his head he returned his gaze to the snowflakes falling. Finally he dragged out paper and a pen.

My Darling Wife,
         Was it only a year ago that I begged you to marry me? In case I never told you, you made me the happiest man on earth that cold wintry day when you said yes. Christmas without you is blue, like the warm desert sky. My arms ache to hold you close, my darling.
         It’s not snowing here my love. I wish I was there, watching your wonder at the world as it turns white with frozen angel tears. That’s what my mother used to say snow was, the tears of angel’s who were missing their loved ones.
         Give my mother my love, and tell my sister I’m happy for her. I wish I could be home for Christmas, to tell you all how much I love you. What I am doing here is for our freedom, so that our children can grow up with the things we have started to take for granted. Freedom of speech, Liberty, Justice, a right to be happy.  That’s what I want for the children to come, The right to say what they feel, the liberty to free themselves from the shadows, Justice for all the world, Happiness and peace. Long may the stars and stripes fly proud.
         I know that this is hard on you my love, But we both knew I had to go. Not a day goes by when I don’t thank God that you are in my life. I think of you often, many times thinking that if I close my eyes and wish hard enough that I’ll be there, in your arms again. Six long months, and no end in sight. I know this is getting harder every day for both of us. Please Remember, I stand to fight, I know the sacrifice it demands of us. Sitting here, hearing the fire grow closer, I know that you would not want me to be less than I am. You married a soldier, a man who would go where he was needed, to fight for what we believed in.
         Do not think that I went without regrets. I regret that we had so little time together my love. I regret that I had to leave you so soon. I regret that I haven’t told you as often as I should have, just how much that I love you. You are my heart, my very reason for living, and most importantly the reason that I am fighting for what we believe in. Every day that I am away from you I dream of being back in your arms. Every night, I know that you are alone, and sad. I wish I could make your sadness and pain go away. But I can’t my love, Because I am spending Christmas without you this year.
         Tell your father that I am sorry. I am sorry that you are hurting. Sorry that I had to leave you so soon. I promised to protect you, to love and cherish you. I failed to do that. I will spend eternity watching over you my love.
As the sky darkens this Christmas eve, I know that you will not understand. I know that you will ask Why. I wish I could put your mind at ease. Life is never what we expect it to be my love. Sometimes things happen and we can’t explain why, but please know that I will never stop loving you.
         I want you to go on with your life. You tell me of your dreams of teaching, pursue them my love. Life is short, and I don’t want you to have regrets. I wish you happiness, and hope that you will eventually find love again. No, don’t look at me that way. I don’t want you to spend your life alone, wishing for what could have been. You will make a wonderful mother some day, and I want to be able to watch you smiling and happy. Remember what you told me? When life gives you limes, make a margarita. Well my love, here’s the lime, now make a margarita and drink to your future.
         Please don’t be sad my love, I won’t be far away. I will always love you. Take care of yourself, and remember that I did this for freedom. Give yourself the freedom to love again, the freedom to be happy, and most importantly the freedom to say goodbye. Christmas without you, was hell. Loving you is why I sent this Christmas wish from Heaven, Remember even though we are parted, I spent Christmas in your arms, if only in our dreams. I love you.
                   Your loving Husband

         He folded the letter and a lime appeared from nowhere. He sat the lime on top of the letter, then sat on her window seat. He watched as the snow fell, and then he walked back upstairs. He crawled back into bed with her, and kissed her softly back awake.
                He slid his hands over her body, then kissed his way along her body. He paused to flick his tongue around her nipples, watching them harden before him. He continued to kiss down her stomach, swirling his tongue in slow languid circles around her belly button, flicking the shiny silver ring, causing the little chimes hanging from it to whisper in the quiet night. His kisses grew more bold as he kissed along the top of her thigh. His hands parted her creamy thighs, opening her like a flowers petals to the light.
                  He dropped a warm kiss against the silky smooth skin of her shaved lips. His tongue dipped between her lips as he teased her clit in sultry wet kisses. He smiled as her hips arched voluntarily into him. He slid his tongue between her lips, then down to circle the tight entry, he loved how tight she always was.
She was already wet, and the musky scent from their earlier lovemaking had him hungering to taste all of her. He dipped his tongue inside her, and groaned as her juices coated his tongue. She tasted as good as he remembered, perhaps even better. He lifted her hips and plunged his tongue deeper inside her. One hand slid around to stroke over her clit, he wanted to feel her come apart one last time. Where earlier had been for both of them, this he was doing for her. One last goodbye.
                  His hardened his tongue, and thrust rapidly into her, each time rotating his tongue to tease her. He started moving his fingers in beat with his tongue, teasing and cajoling her. When he felt her start to tighten around his tongue he pulled out, and slid his tongue up to rapidly flick over her clit, eager to make her cum hard for him. Every whimper and moan she made causing him to push her harder, and when she cried out, he slid his tongue down and thrust deeply back in her. His fingers resuming their urgent stroking over her clit, as he continued to thrust his tongue into her suckling hard, until he had every last drop of her.
Finally he pulled back, and kissed his way back up her body, and snuggled against her. Feeling himself fading, he sighed. Before he slowly faded from sight, he whispered once more, “I will always love you.”
         A cold breeze crossed her cheek, waking her. She stretched languidly, and smiled. He had come home to her for Christmas. Her mind rolled over the memories of the night before. He felt strong, and her body ached with the memories of their lovemaking. Rolling over, she reached for him, but the bed was cold.
         Sitting up, she glanced around, and saw the shirt she used as a nightgown lying discarded on the floor where he had dropped it the night before. It wasn’t a dream, she never would have taken it off.
                She crawled from the warmth of the bed, and reached for it, tugging it over her head. She walked downstairs in search of him. “Honey?” she called out, but the sound echoed in the empty house.
         She walked over to the window seat, and smiled out at the snow falling still. It blanketed the earth with a fresh start. She sat down, surprised the seat was warm, she leaned against the wall, and sighed. “Was I dreaming?” she wondered aloud.
         Finally she drew herself away from the mesmerizing effects of the falling snow, and walked into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. “Merry Christmas my darling, wherever you are.” She said softly, as she pulled his mug from the cabinet, laughing softly, she put it back, then picked up hers. “Silly me, I know how you love that mug.” She said to herself.
         The ringing of the phone brought her out of her thoughts. She reached for it automatically. “Hello?”
         “Hello Darling. I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas, and once more try to convince you to come over for Brunch.”
         She smiled at hearing her mother-in-law’s voice, “Thanks Mom. I appreciate the invitation, but I think I’m going to curl up with a book. I just don’t feel up to going out. Besides it’s snowing so bad, I don’t think the car can make the drive.”
         “Alright Darling, but if you change your mind, there is no need to call, just come on over.”
         “Of course Mom. Merry Christmas, Give everyone my love.” She said.
         “I will Darling. Goodbye.”
         “Goodbye Mom.” She said and hung up the phone, sighing softly. It was true the snow was falling heavily, but she could have made it over. She thought she was losing her mind. She could have swore he had been here the night before. She ached as if they had made the strenuous love she remembered. Why couldn’t she find him. Standing she poured herself a cup of coffee and walked into the other room.
         Something was wrong, she couldn’t put her finger on it, but something was wrong. Then she noticed it. The lime on a folded sheet of paper. As she moved the lime and picked up the paper, a cold chill went down her spine. Her husbands bold handwriting leapt off the page at her.
         She sniffled as she read the words that he wrote. A sense of forboding filled her. Her letter to him was gone, and in it’s place was a letter from him. She had always been proud of him, for fighting for what they believed in. Tears slid down her cheeks as she continued to read the words that he had written. A hysterical laugh escaping her lips as she read his joke about making a margarita. “You fool. How am I supposed to go on without you?” She demanded angrily as she crumpled the note in her hand.
         Immediately contrite, she smoothed the page, sniffling and wiping at the tears in her eyes. Then she did as he said, walked into the kitchen and made a margarita, not caring that it was nine in the morning, she needed the drink after reading her husbands goodbye to her. She would have to take the letter to her mother-in-law, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so on Christmas.
         She poured extra tequila into the blender, added slices of lime, tequila mix, and ice, then hit the on button. Rimming a glass with lots of salt, she turned her attention back to the blender. Pouring the mix into the glass she sighed, “Here’s to you my love, Christmas without you really is Hell.”