-No title-

The terror hovering above my heart
Waiting to be of need
Waiting for me to do wrong
So it can plant it's tiny seed

It's always too late
The wrong and then the consequence
Instant gratification is all I seek
Acting without conscience

But once the act is done
And the effects start to rise
The terror enters my heart and soul
Projecting my internal cries

I thought this could all end
But it always comes back
Punishing me for the way I am
For the responsibility that I lack

I dont know how to say this
I guess I could just say
I am the virus I was labeled
In a different sort of way

I used to be the one
Who was selfish in a whole
Stepping on everybody
Until it took its toll

I had no friends or love
Guilt was all that I bore
I tried to make it all right
But the world had closed its door

It turned it's back on me
Without a wave good-bye
I didnt deserve to live in this place
I wasnt lucky enough to die

I sat in my miserable state
And clung to thoughts of reality
The drugs I used to kill my pain
Leading me only to insanity

I withdrew from the world
And turned my back on it
I tried to solve it all alone
But the pieced wouldnt fit

I tried to change my ways again
All I got was naught
Half-way done Id surrender to sin
In every battle I fought

I couldnt control the things I did
They were in control of me
And now Ive started to notice again
What is becoming of me

Its all a vicous cycle
Im doomed to repeat
I have no motivation
To focus and defeat

Defeat this person here
The one only knows wrong
The one Ive tried to mask and tame
But has been me all along

The person I know I am
The one I hate to be
Screaming to be out for all
The one that isnt me

When did this all start?
I think it never did
I always been it's puppet
Doing as it bid

I can only see
As far as the moment
Not thinking about the future
The most important component

To live, to love
To hurt, to die
Why cant I control?
I just dont see why

That could be my problem
I control my life
I try to make the best of it
And outcomes naught but strife

I want God to take my life
And care for his child
He will always forgive
No matter how ugly, how wild

He has always been here
Calling me to him
Giving me my free choice
Watching me live on a whim

Trying to show me the way
I always turn from his path
I choose to blatenly disobey
And therefore suffer his wrath

The worst of part is his wrath
It is not torment, torture, or pain
It cannot hurt you physically
You dont necessarily go insane

The punishment is much worse
He only has one thing to do
He turns his back to your cries
And leaves your life up to you

The is no fate more horrible
Than your protected to turn
You lit the match and started the flame
It's your choice to burn

I cry in the night
I need him so
I need his guidance
To show me where to go

To hold me and give me stregth
To be able to last
To look onto the future
And forget about the passed

He washes sins away
Can he cleanse my heart?
Can he tear me from this way
Thats keeping us apart

I've known it all along
Ive just tried to ignore
I didnt want to feel this way
Or the way I did before

I didnt really have a choice
I chose the easy way
And ever since then
Ive been longing for a new way

It's so hard to change the way
Youve always traveled through
It's like another language
It's hard to start anew

I just want to change
My way, my life, my heart
I want to jump back on stage
And play the right part

To be naive again
Would everything but bad
To not have to know the truth
Ignorance, never sad

My hands are behind my back
Take me from here
Take away my doubt and fault
Take away my fear

Help me to grow and learn
Far from what is now
Give me the strength to fix my life
Help me to know how

I just want to normal
To fit the right part
To deny my wrong impulses
And listen to my heart.