A letter of love, avoidance and apprehension. I wrote this years ago and always liked it. |
Dear Emily, I'm so sorry that we haven't been able to speak, that I haven't been able to talk to you, for ages, over a week. I'll admit that I've been avoiding you; if you listen I'll tell you why, but please promise me that you won't get upset; I can't stand making you cry. I've been staying away for it's so hard to bear the fact that I love you so deeply. This is, in effect, why I left you alone, even though you so wanted to see me. I've never loved another girl in my life, never even considered the thought. But now that I've got you there's no going back, I could never make you that distraught. There are people I know who would never approve of the union that is you and me, who think that love's just for a girl and a boy and that that us together is crazy. I know that they say just to be yourself and everything will work out fine, but this isn't tlike that, this isn't the same, I can't face this family of mine. I know this is weakness, I'm not strong like you; you've always been stronger than me. But I'm scared if I tell them they'll come after you not understanding how much you mean. I love you so much that my stomach's in knots when I think of you alone at night. You deserve and I need you to be here with me, it's the only thing that seems right. I still don't know what I'm going to do, I just want to give you a some warning, so you won't be alarmed if my mother comes up and screams at you tomorrow morning. One thing I promise, though, one thing I swear: I'm not going to tell you goodbye. I could never bear not to have you with me but I won't keep on living a lie. I know that this letter may cause you some pain, and I wish this could have worked out better. But I'll do all I can to make things end well, my Emmy. Love always, Marietta. |