Because I write

I was once asked the peculiar question of why do I write. My immediate answer was because I like to, however, as I think on it the more wrong that seems. I like the way the keys click in rhythm with my thoughts. The way my mind explodes on the page. How I’m the only one who can see the colour of my words, the descriptions of sunsets only I have seen. I love that. I like how I can express anything through my words. Almost anyone can understand it. They may not it as I wanted them to. But they can understand it in a sense. I ask the same question of why people breathe, or walk, or eat, or sleep. It’s something I do. A release for my inner core that seems to clench too tightly around tears, it’s my form of self mutilation. I can humiliate myself through the works of other characters and no one will notice. I can rip my life to shred and share the broken pieces of it with people and not one person will notice that this is how I feel. Writing is what I do when I’m upset, when I’m happy, when I’m mad. Writing is my form of self mutilation, we all need something. For some its work. They work to hard and therefore neglect themselves. Me. I write. And if you have a problem with it: get over it. I rather like my words stretched out in front of me in black and white for the world to see. Even if they don’t want to believe what I say, or don’t think that I can have feelings like this. Writing is what I do. It’s my expression.











Play off the song Everything Changes by Staind

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?

No, it wouldn’t change how I feel. I love you, so don’t walk away.
It matters, it always will. I can’t live with out you.
Your everything to me.

I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close,
The devil in you I suppose
'Cause the wounds never heal.

You chose me. Don’t leave me now!
After everything you’ve done
I try so hard to help
To show you I can
And yet my wounds wont heal
I try to forget
But all I do is reopen those wounds
And bleed myself out

But everything changes
If I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel,

If I could turn back the years?
What a power that would be.
To change everything
Could you learn to forgive me?
Learn how to understand
That I don’t always know

Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real.

Its true, sometimes I just scream
And yell
And just share my feelings
But sometimes, it’s just to make sure I’m real
That you do hear me
And that I’m making a difference
Even if more often than not I’m not

But everything changes
If I could turn back the years
If you could learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel,

So everything does change
Who wants to turn back those years
To remember the pain that I was in
To remember what I had to do
Learn to forgive me?
I don’t want to feel
Not the pain that it is
So don’t forgive me
In fact It’d be better if you left me
And just let me scream

When it's just me and you.
Who knows what we could do.
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day.

I wish I could make it through
The toughest part of my day
Just get me through that pain
Help me?
Save me
Can you, stay with me? And help me make it through.

Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word.

I wish that forever was more than a word
That it could exist
That I could conquer the world
And hold hands with you
To stay here
And just be in your arms
To never have to leave
Oh how I wish forever was true.

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?.
It wouldn't change how you feel.

Nothing I say changes anything
Why do I bother?
I’m just wrong anyway
So just walk away
And forget me
It’s easier that way


I wouldn’t change anything. Not for the world. Not if it meant I didn’t get to lie in your arms. You’re my world. And I love you.