my After Dinner Speech from 2006-2007

they live among us they work among us, they breath among us. There may be one in this very auditorium. there may be one sitting right next to you. There is one standing before you today. They are the homeschoolers, coming to rid the world of its problems with their overarching christian values.

now one of the main excuses I’ve heard for not homeschooling, is that they’re not out in the world, so they will never have a social life, so they’re never going to have any friends, and they’re never going to go on any dates. well, obviously that’s not true because I am a chick magnet. I am 5 foot.. 5 inches of pure animal magnetism... rawr.

today, I am first going to talk about the comparison between homeschooling and publicschooling, then I will go into the advantages of homeschooling, and then into the importance of homeschooling.

First, in public school, pep assemblies and dances are great opportunities for social gatherings. In homeschool, pep assemblies and dances were just down right depressing. In public school, winter break and summer break were times to count down the seconds to: 10, 9, 8..! In home school, winter break and summer break, after the countdown, were just a bit of a let down.

You know how most parents, when they’re homeschooling their children have them watch educational programming like blue’s clues and sesame street? Well, I was raised in a Christian household, so I watched vegetales. Now, my favorite episode from the whole series would probably have to be the recreation of the crossing of the red sea. So, to set up the battle lines, on one side was the Egyptians, represented by peas, with politically incorrect, distorted French accents. On the other side was Moses, represented by a Pickle with a long, flowing white beard, and bringing in a distorted Jewish accent. “Let my Pickles go!.. Oy!”

after school was over, i had recess. believe me, it was similar to yours. there were a few inconveniences, let’s say. Hide and Seek, in the closet, all alone for several hours, through 5 books and 7 countries, I still haven’t found myself. Red Rover, probably my favorite recess game, basically just consisted of me running back and forth across the driveway, shouting out incessantly, “Red Rover, red rover send Buzzie right over.” If anyone wondered what was going on, My mother told them that I was running laps, and that the red rover lingo was to motivate me to run faster. hmm, that never seemed to last too long, but I still had video games. But mario never seemed to see too much of luigi, and pokemon... I still can’t ketchumall. So, I was back for some more red rover!

now, in doing this, I still did learn something. I learned that because without certified teachers, home schoolers have to work harder to get the same information. That in order to learn, they have to go beyond the minimum, above average, and past the mundane, and I have found time and time again that this pattern continues through out life.

This is why I think without homeschooling, we might not have world changers like rosa parks, woodrow wilson, and benjamin franklin, all of whom were homeschooled. without homeschooling, thomas edison might never have lit up the world. without homeschooling george washington might never have won the american revolutionary war, and instead of hot dogs at the baseball game, we might be eating bangers at the cricket match. and without homeschooling, abraham lincoln might never have freed not only the slaves, but an entire nation of twisted and perverted ways of thinking.

and so I raise my talking jewish pickle to the world changers who change our world, whether we know it or not. To those weird homeschoolers gone ads-ers, and I raise his flowing jewish beard to homeschoolers everywhere, let us never be restricted by the standards of culture, but let us go out, and maybe, just maybe, change the world.