TAKING THE FIRST STEP FORWARD

The door is open. I would be a fool NOT to go the road less traveled right here and now.

It's not like I'm looking for signs. I never went looking.

Fate found me in the form of a movie producer looking for a songwriter. In the least expected place.

And since that day, more and more doors have opened---- i've tried to push them aside out of fear saying "I have to get office training because if things continue the way they are then I'll have to leave and what will I do?" and out of fear of failure....and so many other reasons.

The thing is, I'd rather live in a ditch...or a box...or a hovel....than live one more day of just ORDINARY.

I'm not meant to live the 'ordinary life'.

I'm meant to live the beauty of the extraordinary; both good and bad, in all its guises.

It's why the depth of loss in my life has been so great.

It's why my path has been so hard.

Why I've risen from the ashes again and again only to find myself turning a corner to see myself coming the opposite direction.

It's why, here and now, i haven't received a glimmer...instead I've received a whole rainbow.

If I don't answer the call now, I never will.

If my marriage falls apart, so be it.

If no one ever hires me (which I seriously doubt) so be it.

Don't you see? None of that matters to me.

For me it's not about fame. It's not about validation. It's not about success.

It's about finding my compass...and hanging to it and never allowing myself to give it away or lay it down for anyone ever again.

It's about listening to the TRUE.

That's what i call the deepest part of you that calls out and rages and aches and weeps and when something is just so right, fills up the inside of you and brings tears to eyes that never cry.

It's about allowing the TRUE to be my compass....instead of the false compass I have been following for far too long, convincing myself that it was what i really wanted and who I really was, when in fact, I made myself believe it because it was easier, and less scary, and by following it, I made sure that everyone loved me and was happy.

It's about loving me. And allowing myself, as a result of that love, to be who I am regardless of how anyone else thinks I SHOULD BE.

It's about not letting my choices and/or life path direction be about success or fame or money or acceptance or validation that i"m somebody----

It's about letting my choices be based only on one thing.

Who I am, under the skin, and what completes me.

(468 Words)