The Window

She sits by the window, alone in the home that used to be theirs. A captured creature unwilling to leave all she has struggled to find and keep. Alone with her thoughts, way too many thoughts. Staring out the window, she pushes the curtain back to get a better glimpse of the ominous cloud that hangs over her home. The cloud, so dark and filled with so much, seems to sit there not moving at all. She tries to move from the window and the scene which has captivated her for hours, crippling not only her thoughts, but her entire being. She tells herself that she needs to stop looking, but she can't take her eyes off of the cloud in the sky. So large and black, yet somehow so inviting; as though calling to her to stay at the window and watch longer.

She begins to cry, as does the cloud. One tear wells up in the corner of her brown eye and then, with the blink of her eye, falls slowly down her solemn face. The tears first fall with almost a grace to them. They are slow, much like those that fall from the cloud outside. Her tears are warm on her lips, much like his arms were when he truly loved her. Loved, a word that is now used in a past tense form. A word that used to mean everything, now means nothing more than the paper on which their marriage license was written on. It has become an empty word, at least in their relationship. As she recalls the memories, her tears begin to fall much faster and without any reserve for the mascara that also now runs down her face. She steadily wipes the salty water away, but can no longer keep up with the pace that is now becoming steadier than the rain which falls outside.

The days in which she now lives have become such a silent period. She hates how the circumstances have silenced her. She was not always covered with such a heavy heart. There were days when she laughed so hard that it took her breath away. Much like the day that he sealed their vows with a kiss. Or the days when the butterflies would fly so furiously around in her, as though she were on a carousel spinning so quickly, as she was awaiting his arrival home. An arrival that would no longer be the same now. He had made that clear to her. Her presence was no longer needed in his life.

She continues to look out the window, hoping that the cloud which not only covers her home but her heart, would stop dropping the water that quenches the flowers thirst in her garden. The same cloud that continues to flood her heart with a sadness that can't be satisfied. Much like a wildfire that has raged out of control. An unwelcoming demon that won't be stopped. One that persists with such passion for destruction of everything in its path.

As the tears flow like the brook in the place that they hiked once together, she lifts her lips to show just a hint of a smile. She remembers for an instant the passion that they once shared. The way his hand felt in hers, and the strength of his arms around her. The arms that had sheltered her for so long from anything that would turn her smile into a frown. His were the ones that would hold her as she drew her last breath when they were old. She wonders how those same arms that were the pillar of her strength could just crumble beneath her. No longer the strength that would hold her up. No longer the loving crutch that she had come to rely upon.

Perhaps that was the key. The crutch. Perhaps she had let the wall down too far. She had sworn she would never need to rely on anyone. She was the strong one. The one who had to learn early in her life how to fight off the dragons. She was the pillar of strength for her younger siblings at a time when all of the dark creatures that penetrated her childhood home would come out. She had made a promise to never allow anyone to permeate her shield that saved her from the pain. But then He came along. Damn that promise that she didn't keep! She allowed Him to step into the world that she only knew. And now, he was destroying all that which she had built. She no longer was the strong one. She learned to lean. And worse of all, she had let him become her crutch.

She lifts her eyes from the puddle that has now accumulated on the windowsill in which she sits. Her eyes a mirror image of the darkness that still covers her home. And, alone she sits by the window that is now covered with the rain that falls, not knowing if it's really raining outside, or if it's her tears that have created such a visual blindness that won't allow her to see the difference.