Surprised to be loved

He's arrived. Everyone rushed in to greet him. The room was full of chatter of empty conversations, fake smiles, and insecure laughter as I hid in the back. He scanned the room as if He were looking for something. He walked toward the beautiful, smart, popular girl, as I expected. Everyone loved her, and she knew it. She blushed and said "Oh! me?" with a smirk on her face. He walked right past her to the punch bowl. I watched as the smirk on her face quickly changed to a look of angry displeasure. Then, He stared at her with a face of disappointment. I saw Him pushing through the crowd as if He was longing, searching for something or maybe even someone. Suddenly, I heard the sound of His footsteps coming toward me. Each one precise, in the rhythm to my heart beat. My heart began to race as I began to think "I'm a mess, what if He sees me like this?" I hid myself in the corner, and hoped to blend in with the crowd. He stopped, and our eyes met across the room. I could no longer hear the distant chatter of the room, it was as if time itself had stopped. I saw longing in His eyes. I quickly diverted my eyes in my own insecurity and thought "I hope He doesn't notice me. Then He'll see what a mess I've made of my life." Our eyes meet again, and I couldn't dare to look away. He didn't just look at me, it was as if His eyes pierced right through me and saw through my defenses and saw everything that I am, down to my darkest inner most being. In that instant, He stripped me of everything that I had to hide. And there I stood before Him broken and ashamed. I wanted to run, but there was nowhere to go. He spoke and it is as if the entire room shook. The room fell quiet, all eyes were on Him. He said "Lindsey." My heart fell to the floor, there was no where for me to run, I wanted to hide in the corner. I didn't want to face up to what I had done but I could feel the weight of His stare. I looked up into His eyes and expected to see angry disappointment, instead I saw love. I expected to look up and see a finger pointed in my face. But instead, He looked at me, smiled and shook His head as He said, "Come." So, I ran. Everyone was staring at me as I pushed through the crowd, but for the first time I didn't seem to care, all I wanted was Him. I fell at His feet as hot tears rolled down my face. I looked up and never in my life had I ever seen something so beautiful. His face shined with the radiance of His glory. Ashamed, I fell on my face again because I knew the depravity of my humanity wasn't worthy to be in the presence of something so divine. I found myself face down on the floor more terrified than I had ever been in my entire life. For there I was, in the presence of the everything I need, and everything that I have been running from. He spoke, and the truth invaded my life. The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable. In that instant, all my defenses, everything that I had been clinging to for dear life came crashing down. There at His feet lay the broken pieces of my life, as I scrambled to put them back together. Finally, He said "Get up.". I scrambled unto my feet, and looked into His eyes again, but this time in His eyes I felt safe. Then, I started the speech I had rehearsed in my head a million times, "I don't deserve you, you know everything that I've done, how could you even notice someone like me? I don't des-". He put his finger on my lips smiled and said "shhh.." He swooped me up and embraced me. I felt hot tears on my face, but this time they weren't mine, they were His. He whispered into my hear, "Daughter, none of that matters now, let go of everything you are still holding on to and just let me love you." I let go. Music started to play. He took my hand, and with His lead, the rhythm of grace took me away. So, there I stood...surprised to be loved.

Inspired by 2 Samuel 20:22

"But me he caught- reached all the way
from sky to sea; he pulled me out
Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos,
the void in which I was drowning.
They hit me when I was down
but God stuck by me.
He stood me up on a wide open field
I stood there saved-surprised to be loved"