Pain of Losing a Loved One

Pain of losing a loved one:

When my mother died the same day my son was born, the pain in my heart was overwhelming. I was devastated beyond belief. I new that I had to focus on my son, who was premature. It was so hard to realize my mother would never be here for my experience with my first born.

I believe in all honesty I was very jealous of my siblings, having the opportunity to have their children and my mother spending the years she had with them. I guess you could say I felt cheated. Cheated because I was the youngest out of 10 children and by the time I had my child, my parents were old enough to be my grandparents.

Still, the pain of losing my mother was unbearable and I didn’t think I could move on with my life. Then one day as I was just sitting by myself thinking about her, I realized that I was the one trying to cheat her. I realized that she was not in anymore pain and she had no more sorrow in her life! I questioned myself, “why are you feeling sorrow? Is it because you don’t want to feel this pain? Is it because you are being selfish in wanting her back to show off your son? Boy, was that ever hard to answer those questions. She raised 10 children and went through so many tears, joys and pain, how could I want her to live for all of that again?

Well, I didn’t want her back on this earth knowing that she was so much more happier being in the arms of Jesus. She did her work for our Lord, now it was her time to be at peace.

In conclusion, I am grateful that I had this experience of pain, knowing that God has taken me through it. I know now that I would choose pain over nothing at all. I know now that it built my character! I just pray that I could be the woman that my mother was loving, giving, kind and most of all grateful for being who she was.

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