Hidden

“I hide behind these walls, hoping no one can break through…”
The trickle of moisture ran down her cheek. She drew in a few sharp breaths as she thought of how the song’s lyrics described her so perfectly. As she slipped into the slumber of knowing that she wasn’t the only one feeling this kind of hurt, but the slam of the front door brought reality rushing back.

“Where’s the food!”
He was expecting food on the table when he came home, but – as always – didn’t say when. Her hands started trembling with the thought of what would soon follow. The dark room felt like a safe haven from the terror she lived day in and day out. It made her tired to even think how every minute of her day was spent while his majesty ordered her around, and yet she still loved him. She remembered those days when he whispered sweetly into her ear just before bedtime, and those rosy pink valentine’s he used to send her every February and especially how those cute dimples showed as he tried to hide his shyness as he apologised or thanked her. Who was she kidding? The man she fell in love with was gone, along with the person who fell in love with him. She was dead. She didn’t like it but it was true. Shortly after her miscarriage everything felt like it changed. She could hear how her husband was raiding the kitchen cupboards in the next room. Yelling another threat every time he threw one of the doors shut. She smoothed down her blue dress and grabbed her apron. She took a deep breath and decided to face the music. She greeted him with the sweetest smile she could manage, apologising for not having his supper ready. Only the look in his eyes was enough for her to understand what it meant and she nodded. He occupied the seat in the lounge and toyed with the remote control. She could hear how the channels kept changing. She felt good as she prepared the food. Knowing that she was in control of what it as going to be, but thinking of the control he had over her made her so sick she had to take a little breather. Ever since her miscarriage, she had had trouble with her health, but didn’t mention it.

She could hear him coming as she stared into the pot and knew what would soon follow. She closed her eyes as she felt the tug on her hair. She showed him to a seat at the table. A gesture telling him the food was almost ready. Would he be content with her offering this time? God, she hoped so.

He sat there until she did everything but shove the fork in his mouth and chew for him. All the while he watched her as her timid hands laid the dishes in front of him. If this woman were any slower she’d be dead. His impatience was mounting. Is she trying his patience? He tried breathing deeply a few times. He didn’t want to lose control again. He was supposed to be her husband. Loving and kind and caring. But what was he meant to care for? A ghost of her former self? She wouldn’t talk to him since the accident. It made him cringe just thinking about everything that event brought to their door. They had lost everything.

Though they both emerged from the car crash unscathed, the third passenger was not so lucky. The young boy that drove the car that collided with theirs could only stammer out apologies but it would do nothing to help. She woke up the next day to the news that our precious baby we had tried so hard for was gone. They had tried everything they could at the hospital, but it was too late.  God, if he could reverse time he would never have suggested that late night trip back home from their weekend away. He was so adamant that being back in time for work on the Monday was so important. He had a shot at becoming an executive for goodness sake. Turns out that was a lie too. He was just their mule to do all the hard work. He knew this because that promise was made to him six months ago. Yet the guy that was appointed to the department after him was promoted the day he went back to the office. Exactly forty-eight hours to the minute. He had forced himself to go back to work for his family’s sake. He thought it would make things easier for them. But he knew it was his fault that this happened to his family. He was the reason it all fell apart and he didn’t know how to make it better. He closed his eyes so tightly. He didn’t want to let himself feel all that pain. It was too much. Why was he thinking this way? He had to be strong for the both of them. But he could do it no longer. The tear rolled down his cheek. He lowered his head hoping she wouldn’t see his emotional collapse.

It was too late. He raised his head expecting to see her hands around the steak knife that was on the table. He deserved her anger. He deserved her hating him. For what he allowed to happen. For what he did to her. The way he hurt her.

For a moment he felt nothing. He was too shocked. For the first time he saw her cry too, and it felt okay. She reached into her apron pocket and pulled something out. It was the booties his mom had knitted for their baby. She clutched it to her chest. Her eyes started tearing up too. She prayed so long for this. They could finally start to get through this nightmare. Together. He rose to his feet. This time she was not scared that he would harm her. This time he was not angry. This time they knew they needed to find each other again. This time they both knew they had found the silver lining. Winter was over. Spring was just beginning.