Once Upon A Zombie Story

    The mission was the most abhorred thing that she had set her eyes on in years. As the violet orbs scanned the words for what seemed like the millionth time, a sigh of exasperation left her lips. Of all the creatures she had been sent to exterminate, she hated zombies the worst. The reincarnated flesh-craving deviants had risen from the grave with the sole intent to make her day worse. And what's more, that power hungry midget was behind it all! Vladimir Vron Drewsky, the so called "Mad" Scientist of the century. He was no more than a vertically challenged brat who wanted what every sane person wants: everything. But why did he have to choose zombies? Why not vampires, lycans, or...dark little fairies? Oh the atrocity of it all.
 
"Cap'n. The recruits are here."

    The voice shook her out of her thoughts and Captain Hawk looked up to the crimson eyed man in front of her. She nodded and stood up, folding the paper neatly and sticking it inside her pants pocket. Her curses would have to wait until later. Brushing a curl of blood out of her eyes, she glanced around at her...team. This was the best the Council could provide her? Hell, one was picking his own nose! Hawk glanced over to Skye, the crimson eyed gent from earlier, they exchanged annoyed glances. The Council viewed them as a joke, an organization that served little to no purpose than foiling the ever stupefying stunts of Vladimir the Short. If these boys thought she was a joke, a malicious smirk twisting her pink lips, they definitely had another thing coming.

    "You boys were sent here to prove to me that our esteemed Council of Govern sees me and my crew as a pure farce! The pimple on the face of a famous movie star! Well, boys. Nothing me and my men do is funny, or easy. So if you think you can pick your god-damn nose while on duty, prepare to have your finger snapped off." Her narrowed eyes found the cadet from before and he hastily went to attention. "While you're under my command, you won't speak, eat, breath, shit, or fart without my permission. Nor will you ogle at my breasts, my ass, or my vaginal region. I may be the only female, but you will only score in being very painfully castrated by hand removal of both penis and testicles, doomed forever to pee through a tube and become some fat man's bitch. Do I make myself clear so far?" She looked around, they looked mildly scared. Time to up the heat, it seemed. "The two men on either side of me are the Devil and Death. They will not hesitate to kill you at any time on this mission, so stay on your toes. Skye Monroe," She pointed to her left, the crimson eyed one. "And Haru Nakito." To her right, a yellowed eyed Asian man. "These two have the hormones of teenagers, so watch your bums."
   
A guy with sunglasses and a cig decided to be cool and raise his hand, "Yo, hot mama, why do we need to watch our asses?"
Hawk sighed, pulling out her Beretta and shooting his hand, the cig landing in an ashtray. "Because. They will insert their penis inside the hole, take them out and repeat. Understand? Now, does anyone else have a question?" No one stirred. "Good! Now, we leave at 8 am sharp. Be ready, and on time. Next time, my aim won't be off." She said looking at Cool Dude. With that, she and her men walked off, leaving the recruits to speak and rant behind her back. She loved her job.


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    "Alright you mangy excuses for homo sapiens! Get in line! If your Cap'n finds you slopping around like hogs, she'll make this experience one you won't forget!" Haru's voice was gruff, angry almost. He glared at the recruits as they once again failed to form an even have decent line. "What? Are we back in kindergarten, babies? FORM A STRAIGHT LINE!"

    "Enough, Haru. Let me take care of it. They're just not scared of us yet." Skye walked up with a grin. "You boys have about an hour before Captain Hawk comes and turns you all to veggie soup, so if I were you, I'd pay attention." He walked around them, circling, the handgun hitting his palm in tune with his steps. "Now, Cap'n likes order and she'll have it so help me. Or Haru and I will rape you with our guns. No, not penises, guns. You know, they go bang-bang? And Cadet Robinson, I know you must hold the record for most boogers picked in a single hour, but please. Do us all a favor and keep your damned finger out of your nose! And you, Cadet Winston, take those sunglasses off and put out that cigarette out. Trust me; you don't want pieces of glass in your eyes and a burn mark on your groin." Both cadets hurried and fixed themselves. "Today, you meet one of the more annoying masterminds of evil. He goes by many...unusual...names. But mainly he will be known as Vladimir the Short and Stupid. It would seem his life's intent is to make poor Captain's day as bad as he can. So far, he's succeeded. So, will you have her anger vented upon him or you? If you'd rather it be you, please raise your hand and I'll take your name down." He glanced around, "No one? Good, good. That's what I thought. Now would you kind gents, please, please form a straight line so you all aren't shot execution style and I'm forced to clean it up?" Skye smiled as the men did as asked. "They're all your's Haru."

    "Have I told you how much I hate the way you talk?" Haru asked shaking his head.

    "Eh, I think so. Once or twice. Now, get to it. Miz isn't happy already."

    "What did you do? Screw up in bed again?" A smirk formed on Haru's face as he looked at Skye.

    "No. She got orders that we leave later, the General is coming for an inspection. So. You have a bit of work to do, yes?"

    "Well, shit on cracker jacks. I'll see what I can do with this malcontented blorg of animals."

    "Good. Let's keep as much stress off of our Lovely Cap'n as we can." Skye patted him on the shoulder and walked away, towards the camp. "We're so going to die..." He muttered looking towards the tent that currently held Hawk and a worn-out punching bag. The poor bag...

    "Damn. It. All. To. Hell." Each word resonated with a punch to the hanging bag of sand...beach sand of course. All the other fluff filled punching bags found themselves punctured a little to fast. Panting, Hawk turned to Skye. "How bad are they?"

    "The worst I've ever saw." He said truthfully, leaning against a pole. “Haru couldn’t even threaten them into a straight line. It took my charming ways to get’em there. Jackson’s going to chew you up and spit you out and then feed you to the little birdies. How about for once, fight back? Chew at him a little bit.”

         “Every time I do, Skye, he cuts me down before I can fully speak.” She said shaking her head and gazing at him. “I’ll take what he gives me, and then later shove it back up his ass. Isn’t that what Scorpios are good at? Revengeful spite?”

         “Aaaand, they’re mighty good in bed.”

         “Is sex all you think about, Monroe?”

         “No. I think about you sometimes. HEY!” Skye ducked a glove thrown at him with a grin. “That was a compliment, Missy. Ever heard of them?” He chuckled and shrugged. “How much longer?” He watched Misery as she pulled her hair up into the tight bun and put her beret on top of the haphazard mess of curls.

         “About five seconds.” She replied walking out, just as a Jeep pulled up. The General had arrived.