Chloe

The dream came to her again; it always did when she was stressed. Chloe lay in bed looking up at the water stains on the cracked ceiling in her room. She sighed and let herself drift off to the past.
She was such a happy little girl; she was Daddy’s Little Angel. He was her number one fan, they did everything together she loved him so much. She looked so much like her father; she had the same startling green eyes, the same dark hair, beautiful white teeth and full expressive mouth, the same long, lanky body. It wasn’t only the looks but the feelings that connected them. It felt like he could feel her pain or her happiness. He always knew what to say and what to do, when to leave her alone in her own thoughts or when to hug her and tickle her until she begged for him to stop. There was not a moment that she felt lonely, she was loved by him. Her Mother was not as loving, she did the housework, looked after the meals, smiled at the two of them but never got involved. She never remembered her Mother hugging her, only her father. If she wanted something or if she was excited about something, he was the one she ran to, not her Mother. Her life was a dream, until one day when she was 12 years old. She will never forget that day. School was long and boring and it was raining really hard. She could remember just wanting to get home, out of the rain, safe in her home. She can still feel the chills that went through her body when she opened the front door. Her mother was standing there, blank, just standing there staring. Her father had had a heart attack and he was dead. That is exactly what she said to her “Your Father is dead” Bang, that was it, he was gone. Her Mother never reached out to touch her, never cried in front of her, nothing. She just left Chloe standing there, alone.
Alone is what Chloe was from that moment on. She was sad and she was lonely. For the next few years life just went by. Chloe couldn’t get it, she hurt so badly and she was so angry at him for leaving her. Her mother never talked to her, never touched her, she crawled deep inside herself and left Chloe to deal on her own. She acted like she hated Chloe; she told her she was a constant reminder that she was going to have to be alone for the rest of her life. She told Chloe whenever she had a few drinks how much she despised her, how ugly she was, and how much she ruined her life. The drinking started getting worse and worse. She started in on Chloe; she seemed to enjoy her pain. She didn’t try and help her or understand her. Their relationship that was cold and distant when her father was alive became hateful and mean after he died. Her mother was always jealous of her connection with her father; she always felt that she ruined her marriage which is probably why Chloe was an only child. After her father’s death her mother’s favourite saying became, “your precious Daddy isn’t here to save you now”. She hated Chloe, she only spoke to her to tell her what to do and run her down, when she started to hide out in a bottle, things became almost unbearable for Chloe. When she was 16 years old her she came home to a drunken raging woman. She screamed at her telling her that she was not beautiful she was an ugly child and only her father could love a little bitch like her. Chloe ran to her room and locked herself in. That was the moment that changed everything, that was when she decided that she was either going to survive this or she was going to go with her Daddy. She lay in the bed for hours crying and praying that her Daddy would come and take her with him. She spent that night running through her head the different ways that she could kill herself so that she could get out and never have to hear that women again. She couldn’t figure any other way out and she just cried. She could hear her mother ranting and breaking thinks downstairs. Finally exhausted by her fear and her sorrow she fell into a deep sleep.
Sometime during that night she had the dream, her father came to her and took her hand. He looked into her eyes, the same eyes connecting and he looked deep into her soul and he said.
“My beautiful, darling Angel, my life is over but I couldn’t have asked for a better life. I spent the years watching you and loving you and you are a special girl. This is only the start for your baby; you are there to live and to love. Never forget what feels is like to be loved by someone. You will feel this again, you will survive. Never let anyone tell you that you are not good enough, because you are so much better than them. I will always be here, watching over you and waiting. You will survive this, and you will survive so much more. Now stop this, get up, get going, you are strong and you will be fine. Now get up!
That is how it happened every time she got stressed. It was so comforting; her father’s ‘kick in the ass from the other side’ which is what she came to know the dream as.
So when she was 16, she got herself up and she packed the few belongings that she had. A stuffed puppy that her Daddy had given her that she would never part with and a little angel music box that he had given her just before he had died. She walked downstairs as proud and as brave as she could be and she told her mother that she was a drunken cow and that she needed to get her life together because it was over, she wasn’t going to be here to take her shit anymore. She will never forget that morning; her Mother was so shocked and embarrassed that she just stood there with her mouth gapping open as Chloe walked out the front door. And she just kept walking, it wasn’t easy for her on her own, but she did it. Her Mother died the day her Father did and there was nothing she could do to change it. It wasn’t an easy road for Chloe, but she had survived.
So now years later she lay in bed thinking about her father again. She was living in this god forsaken city, had no real friends just co workers, the ugliest apartment that you could imagine and she was lonely. She knew right then and there lying in bed that it was time for another chapter in her life. She knew it was time to move on. OK Daddy, I’m packing. Where she was going, she wasn’t sure but she knew that it would be new and fresh and that she was ready to move on.