Dealing With The Devil

Its not that Gregory tried to do evil things its just that everything he did seemed to end up with his doing something extremely evil. Like the time he tried to save his neighbours cat from being run over by a car and ended up using it as a sacrifice in a bizarre ritual to try and contact Lucifer himself. His neighbour had not been very happy, but at least he had, had quite an interesting conversation with the Supreme Lord and Master of All Things Dark, Evil and Satanic. Gregory had had quite a few run ins with the devil and on each occasion he had found Beelzebub an extremely nice sort of fellow to talk to and that was why he had decided to sell him his soul. It wasn’t as if Gregory was a likely sort of candidate for heaven so he decided if he was going to get damned anyway then he may as well get something out of it first. As far as Gregory knew selling your soul was quite a simple affair you just have to tell Old Nick that you want to do it and then he gives you the life of riley until you snuff it and then you have to spend the rest of eternity in hell.
         So here Gregory was, standing in his basement in the centre of the pentagram he had lovingly painted on the floor using the blood of a rat he had found skulking around in his bedroom cupboard about to do a deal with Satan himself. Gregory cleared his throat.
‘Oh Dark Lord and Master I wish to call upon you to do a deal, I wish to negotiate  the sale of my soul. In return I would like a life filled with  bliss, exuberance and all round general nice things. That is of course if you're not too busy. If you want I can come back later…’
Gregory was then cut off in mid sentence as the room began to shake and smoke started to rise from the cracks in the floorboards. Everything was bathed in a disturbing blood red light and from out of nowhere a small man with an extremely pointy beard appeared in the centre of the pentagram, he was smiling an evil smile and staring intently at Gergory.
         “So then Gregory why is it that you have summoned me to your shitty little abode this time?”
         Gregory’s eyes darted left and right as if desperately looking for someone else in the room who the man may be looking at. It was strange no matter how many times Gregory met The Devil he was never any less terrified of him, if anything he was more terrified this time than before.
         “I was thinking oh Lord and Master that I would like to sell my soul to you.”
Beelzebub started to laugh and Gregory did not like the sound of the laugher one bit it was high-pitched and whiney and went on for far longer than he found durable.
         “My dear boy”
Replied The Evil One.
         “Why on earth would I want to give you anything for your diseased soul when I will get it when you die anyway?”
Gregory floundered at this remark
         “But I thought that I… That you would give me, maybe a life time of happiness and power and stuff like that?”
The Devil laughed again this time it was even worse because it went on for even longer before he replied.
         “Gregory, Gregory, Gregory you could only sell your soul to me if you were previously going to heaven and you’re far too much off a little bastard for that to ever happen. Even if you were to do good deeds for the rest of you life you would not qualify for a job licking the shit off of Gods boots. Face it your fate is already sealed now you’ve wasted too much of my precious time already and I’ve got an appointment with a serial killer who was unlucky enough to be caught and tried in Texas, see you in a few years time Gregory”
In a split second The Dark Ruler was gone and Gregory was standing alone in the middle of his scorched basement left only with the realisation that he was completely totally and utterly fucked!