The Journey

Two hundred lonely years walking the beaten paths of righteousness,
Taking the brunt , my soul, a withered flame of former glory.
Speaking with Gods and Goddess' and uncovering ancient secrets of the Abyss.
My path is one walked by few and conquered by fewer still,
The path of the weary soul.
A long and arduous road that lay ahead.
Beasts and demons of the past slow me.
But I will prevail. For her.
My bright and shining star.
The one thing in this world that keeps me from giving it all away.
There ahead she stays, guiding, leading, pushing me ever onward.
Misdeeds of a former life straining me.
Released from an earthly vessel and now come to torment me.
My star!
O! my star!
Guide me. Show me how to continue.
Darkness encompasses me and my star dims.
No! Please do not abandon me!
Then the sweet release of the grave.
And we are in each others arms once again.

Ah if only life were a fucking poem. Unfortunately its not and we humans have to live with what we have. And sometimes, without even knowing it, we throw it away. This is my story and I hope whoever reads it learns from my mistakes. Please note that names and locations have been changed to protect our identities.

I'm twenty years old. Since I was fourteen I have been the emotional leaning post for a girl. Before you say dumbfuck you, I did it because I loved her. Now you can say dumbfuck you if you want. I was also afraid that if I wasn't there for her no on else would be. Understand I loved her. The only thing I ever wanted from her was her happiness. In six years I learned everything about her and she learned almost everything about me. Somethings a man doesnt tell anyone. Stephen King put it best in PET SEMATARY when he said "The soil of a man's heart is stonier, Louis--like the soil up there in the old Micmac burying ground. A man grows what he can...and tends it." but thats beside the point. I knew everything there was to know she knew everything there was to know.
In the past, shes had several boyfriends, some serious some not. The one thing that most of them had in common was that they basically disappeared. Her biggest fear was being alone and I swore that I would never abandon her and I held to that promise. Up until late April 2010. Now Again before you say dumbfuck you hear what I have to say.
I was the token fat kid amongst my friends. Always picked on always the butt of the jokes, always the last to hit the bowl whenever anyone decided they wanted to party. I didnt like that. I didnt like who I was and i needed to change. The way I am, I will strike out at anyone when I change myself. I have ADD and change is satan to me. I didnt want to put her through that. I could have handled it better. I just quit talking to her. so yeah I could have handled it better. Shed call or txt me and id ignore it. I died a little everytime i did because this girl...those of you who have experienced that I dont know why but i know this person is who I was meant to be with feeling will understand what Im talking about. So I broke my word to protect her from myself. And the second I did i ripped a chunk of my heart out.