Ronald the First

              So great was the heroism and so strong was the resolve of Ronald the First of Arlington that centuries will not dim the awe that his name stirs in the hearts of men, e’en though his life has long been gone from this earth.
              Ronald the First was born into unwell times.  The people of that fair land of Arlington lived ever in fear of the pestilence.  But this pestilence was not the pestilence of their forefather’s that boiled the flesh or brought forth a great cough in the throat of its victims.  Nay this disease far surpassed all that had come before and surely all that will come after, for it was the cold of summer.  Known only by this unthreatening handle, the cold of summer ravaged the land, sweeping across great distances and bringing with it slight indisposition, mild soreness, and sniffing.
              But great was Ronald the First’s compassion and his noble heart could not long bear the suffering of his countrymen.  But more than his anguish there arose in his being a terrible rage, for he knew that there was but one source for this diseased wind.
              There has long been a tale, passed down from the days of Charlemagne himself, that the trees harbor an age old resentment of the race of man.  Man has long made war upon the trees with his saws and his axes, and the great forests stir with hatred for the human kind.  To sate their insane lust for human discomfort, the ancient forests beyond the rising sun do, every coming of the spring, produce a great plague of unholy spores to be as a scourge unto the race of men and ever doom them to sniffling and coughs.
              Although great was the strength of Ronald the First, greater still was the mind of Ronald the First, and he knew he do war upon the malignant woods responsible for this great plague.  But he knew that no man living or dead had the power to combat the forest without the wise council of the two men of the mountain: Wiki the speaker and Pedia the giver.  Ronald therefore realigned his quest to the finding of Wiki and Pedia, so that he might enter into council with them and discover how one man might destroy the entirety of the forests.  Alone was he in this, for he was the only man not laid low by the curse of the woods.
              For this reason, Ronald the First traveled for many leagues and for many months to the place that houses the two men of the mountain.  Over oceans and through subways did Ronald journey, until at last he saw the great mountain looming against the heavens before him.  But his heart was not as yet glad, for he knew that such was the breadth and height of the great mountain that despite glimpsing it upon the horizon he was still a moon’s travel from the foot of that great peak.  Another moon and half again did Ronald climb that greatest of slopes, before he came to “the place that has always been.”
              Slowly did Ronald the First enter that holiest of places and knelt before the two men.  “Oh wise men of the mountain, all know that thou art the wisest men on life and that all things are known in utmost to thee.  I have journeyed many moons to request thine advice in a matter of great urgency to me and my people,” spake Ronald.
              Wiki stepped forward and through eyes clouded with age observed the great hero.  “Truly have we seen thy coming, Ronald of Arlington, and duly have we considered the plight of thy people.  What thou hast asked of us is indeed a matter no other hast the knowledge to give thee, for to destroy the forest beyond the rising sun is indeed a task beyond the abilities of mortals.”
              Ronald’s heart was struck full of doubt and he hung his great head low.
              “But despair not, for thou art destined for more than mortal deeds.  In thine eyes I see the mark of God, and for this we will impart to thee what thou dost require.”
              For many weeks the wise men spoke unto Ronald the First, imparting secrets to him that are beyond the dreams of men.  When Ronald finally took leave of that place, his heart was heavy, for all the knowledge of life is ever a terrible burden to bear.  Again he traveled for many leagues, but his pace faltered, for weariness had pervaded his being and his flesh had grown weak.  He remembered, then, the many lives slightly worsened by the curse of the trees, and he strove onwards with their needs foremost in his thoughts.
              He came to the place that Wiki and Pedia had described unto him and was awed by the breadth of the great tree before him.  This, he knew, was the source of all nasal congestion and devilish mucus in the world.  His heart was filled with rage anew and he raised his great axe, forged in the early days of the world for this single purpose.
              Long into the night did Ronald swing that axe tirelessly, his great shoulders heaving with every stroke.  For three days he struggled to bring down the wooden leviathan and soon the pile of his chippings had reached his waist, but he still labored for the benefit of mankind.  And in the early hours of the fourth day, the tree fell, and all the world resounded with its fall.  Ronald stood a moment in contemplation of his deed, and then espied a small parchment that had lain unseen within the trunk for eons.
              “Thou must indeed be a great man to bring down so tall a tree, but thy labors are in vain, for didst thou never understand that the cold of summer is no disease, but only an allergy among the weaker of thy race.  Thou and thy kind art ever fools.”