A Christmas Carol... sort of

Note: I originally wrote this in 2002. Please take it in good humor! ~ T

***

A Christmas Carol… sort of
A modern twist on the classic story

“Hey! You home?” Tim Crachet called into his brother’s apartment.

“In the kitchen, Timmy!” Bob Crachet called back, his voice muffled by the refrigerator door. 

“Are you going to Rico’s tonight?” Tim asked, reaching around his brother for a soda.

“You kiddin’ me? Scrooge has me workin’ tomorrow morning.” Bob replied, taking a soda for himself and walking into the living room.

“Scrooge? Did I miss something?” Tim asked, sitting on the other end of the sofa.

“My boss.” Bob replied, making himself comfortable in his recliner.

“As in the guy from that Christmas movie?” Tim asked, not believing his brother.

“Yup.”

“No way, man. You trippin’?”

“I only trip once a year and that’s on my birthday.” Bob replied, finishing off his soda.

“Then your birthday is a daily event. C’mon bob, be serious eh? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you clean.”

“Oh yeah, like you’re Mr. Perfect.”

Tim rolled his eyes. “So you really gotta work tomorrow? But it’s Christmas Eve. And no one works on Christmas Day.”

“I am.” Bob replied, sounding defeated. He was silent for a moment. “You’re right.” He finally said.

“No shit!” Tim replied, clueless. “About what?”

“Tomorrow’s Christmas. Screw the job, I’m going to Rico’s.”

“Atta boy! C’mon, let’s go find some grub. You got shit here.”

“Hey, I never said I was paid well. I’m just paid on a semi-…” Bob began.

“Would you shut up so we can go? And by the way, I’m not afraid to leave your sorry ass either.” Tim replied, dragging his brother out the door.

***

“Dude, this sucks.” Tim said later as he and bob left Rico’s. It was well after 12 a.m. and they were sitting curbside just outside the bar, high as hell and broke to boot.

“What do you think we should do now?” Bob asked, batting at the spots that were supposedly passing in front of him.

“Go home I guess. Krystal won’t let me in when I’m high so can I crash at your place?” Tim asked, staring at nothing in particular.

“Sure little brother.”

The two stood up to head back to Bob’s apartment when suddenly, a goddess surrounded by a halo of white light appeared in the street before them.

“Whoa!” Tim whispered in awe.

“Hello boys.” The goddess said in an airy voice.

“Hi.” They replied in unison, neither able to take his eyes off the beauty before them.

“I’m the Goddess of Christmas Past. I have been sent here to remind you what Christmases used to be like.”

Bob and Tim just stared at her, struck silent and immobile by her presence. The goddess held out her hands and, unaware they had moved at all, took her hands and they found themselves being transported through time.

In a second’s time they were brought to the front yard of the house they grew up in. Through the bay window, Tim and Bob could see their parents, themselves as young boys, and their two sisters gathered around the Christmas tree on Christmas morning.

“I remember this.” Tim said to no one in particular.

The younger version of him had just been presented with a new BMX bike. To one side, the younger Bob looked on with jealousy clearly imprinted on his face.

“Me too. I wanted a new bike but no, mom and dad had to give one to Timmy cuz ‘this has been a hard year for our Timothy.’” Bob muttered, obviously still hurt.

“Hey man, it wasn’t my fault I busted my leg and trashed my other bike on Phil’s ramp. His ramp was shit.” Tim replied, watching his mother and sisters pick up the wrapping paper.

“Naw man, you just didn’t have any talent. Any idiot can pull that trick.”

“You calling me an idiot?” Tim asked, pushing up his sleeves, ready to fight his brother. Bob made similar preparations, even though he was wearing a t-shirt.

“You two have issues.” The goddess said, walking away from the feuding brothers.

Realizing she was leaving, Bob looked in her direction and Tim got a sucker punch in.

“Hey!” Bob exclaimed, wincing as he lightly touched his eye, which promptly turned a deep shade of purple.

“Are you two finished?” the goddess asked, thanking her lucky stars she was an only child.

“Yeah.” The brothers replied, realizing how stupid they must have seemed.

“This wasn’t what I had in mind for you two, but I guess this will have to suffice. So, I take it you know what happened after that?”

The brothers nodded, not looking at the goddess or each other.

“So if it’s alright with you guys, I’m gonna bring you back to Rico’s.”

Before they could answer, Tim and Bob found themselves on the sidewalk outside Rico’s.

“Hey, uh, Goddess?” Bob called out to the goddess as she turned to leave.

“Yeah?”

“Um, sorry I was such a jerk. You don’t have to leave right now, do ya?”

“I do.” She answered, putting a delicate hand on Bob’s non-bruised cheek. She gave him her sweetest smile and took a step away from him. Bob went to follow her and she held a hand out to stop him. “By the way, two more goddesses are gonna visit you before dawn. Merry Christmas!” And with that, she disappeared into her halo of white.

“Ha-ha! She likes me better than you!” Bob taunted his brother, feeling this was proper vengance over the bike his brother had received over 10 years earlier.

“Oh stuff it, Bob. She said there’s two more coming so I’m not gonna get all worked up yet.” Tim replied. On an afterthought, he stuck his tongue out.

Bob dismissed it with a shake of his head. “So you wanna head home?”

“But she said…” Tim protested, images of goddesses running through his mind.

“If they want us, they’ll find us.” Bob reasoned, and began walking in the direction of his apartment. Resigned, Tim followed.

Just then, another goddess, even more beautiful than the first, appeared before them surrounded in a halo of white light.

Bob and Tim’s eyes grew large in awe.

“I’m the Goddess of Christmas Present. We have a lot of work to do so if you’ll just come with me.” She said, motioning the guys to come closer.

They obeyed and were instantly brought to the window outside Tim’s girlfriend’s apartment, where he was living with her.

“Dude, we’re floating. Rico was good to us tonight.” Bob said, wiggling his feet, which were five stories above the street.

“See what you gave up tonight by going out with your brother, Tim?” the goddess said.

Through the window, Tim’s girlfriend Krystal was sitting on the couch in the dark watching the movie she had rented for herself and Tim. Around her on the couch and the floor were wadded up Kleenex. In the background stood the Christmas tree Krystal’s mother had given her. It was sparsely decorated, but she had made an honest effort. Tim had helped her arrange the lights, which now were unlit.

“Guess who’s gonna be in deep shit tomorrow?” Bob teased his brother.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” The goddess warned.

“Ha! That’s where you’re wrong honey. I don’t have a girlfriend.”

No sooner did the words leave Bob’s mouth than the three of them found themselves in the den of Bob’s boss, Mr. Scrooge.

“Why are we here?” Bob asked, suddenly feeling nervous.

“Just listen.” The goddess replied as Mr. Scrooge walked into the den followed by his wife.

“I’m telling you, he never shows up and when he does it’s always half-ass work.” Scrooge said, sitting hard in his wingback chair.

“Oh Ebb, don’t you think you’re being hard on the boy?” Mrs. Scrooge asked, not liking to hear her husband badmouth his employees, especially when they weren’t there to defend themselves.

“Bob Crachet is a” Scrooge stopped mid-sentence to think of the right word. When he couldn’t, he whispered “druggie.”

“Not him!” Mrs. Scrooge exclaimed, astonished.

“Yes! As I was leaving the store tonight I saw him and another fellow enter that shabby excuse of a bar down on 23rd Street. He probably won’t be into work tomorrow and that will make the 127th time since mid-July.”

“But you’re seriously not going to open the store tomorrow? It’s Christmas Day! The children will be here with our grandchildren!”

“A day that store isn’t open is a day I’m not making money and I can’t afford to miss a day.” Scrooge said, taking a sip of his martini.

“Ebb, leave the store closed tomorrow. No one will be out and you know that you make all your money the day after when everyone returns gifts.”

“I’m sorry Jean, but I’m going to open the store tomorrow and every employee that doesn’t show up will be FIRED!” he bellowed the last word.

“Aw, damn!” Bob complained, realizing his job was in jeopardy.

Tim gave his brother a smug look.

“You gotta help me Goddess!” Bob begged when they returned to the sidewalk outside Rico’s.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that. Another goddess will be here soon, you can ask her.” The goddess said.

“Damn you Rico!” Bob shouted, picking up a rock and throwing it at the building. It landed far short of its intended target.

“What’s your name?” Tim asked the goddess, ignoring his brother’s anguish.

“That’s unimportant.” She said, doing as the first goddess had done with Bob and she put her hand on Tim’s cheek.

The white halo appeared and she was gone.

“Dude, this sucks. Let’s go home.” Tim said, taking his brother by the arm.

“No way! There’s one more goddess and I wanna see her!”

“Fine, but if she doesn’t show soon, I’m leaving you here.” Tim said, sitting on the curb.

“She’ll be here.” Bob replied confidently, sitting next to Tim.

So they waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Nearly 15 minutes passed before they decided that the last goddess wasn’t coming.

“This blows. Let’s go.” Bob said, standing up.

“Aight.” Tim agreed.

Just as they took their first step, the third goddess, more beautiful than the previous two goddesses combined, appeared.

Tim and Bob were unable to move, breathe, or think.

“I’m the Goddess of Christmas Future. Please come with me.”

The goddess transported them to a cemetery.

“This just got weird.” Bob said, his eyes darting in all directions.

“Like the rest of the night was business as usual?” Tim asked, hitting his brother in the back of the head.

“Why do I keep getting beat up by you tonight? What the hell did I do to you?”

“Guys? Can we?” the goddess interrupted.

Tim and Bob shut up.

“The reason I brought you guys here is because unless you don’t learn from the past and rearrange your present your future isn’t going to be what you hope for.” The goddess said, leading the guys through the cemetery to a pair of headstones.

“Check it out dude! You skipped work and Scrooge finally lost it!” Tim said, pointing to his brother’s headstone.

“Not quite.” The goddess replied. Magically, a newspaper appeared in her hand and she held it out to the brothers.

Circled in red was Bob’s obituary.

“Drug overdose?” Bob read aloud in disbelief. “I’m not that stupid!”

“But you’re willing to throw away your job tomorrow. Right bro, you’re a genius.” Tim replied.

“Do not judge lest ye be judged.” The goddess said, her gaze turning to the second headstone.

“Huh?” the brothers didn’t get it.

“Check out the other stone.”

“Damn, dude. You’re dead too!” Bob said, laughing at his brother.

“So how’d I die?” Tim asked, taking the paper from Bob and scanning it for his name. He found it near the bottom, circled in the same red ink as Bob’s was.

“Murder?!” Tim couldn’t believe it.

“There’s an article about it on the next page.” The goddess offered.

“Krystal?!” Tim exclaimed.

“What’d she do?” Bob asked, suddenly intrigued.

“She went ballistic cuz I bailed on her to get high tonight. Says she went into a deep depression and she just went nuts on me.” Tim said, paraphrasing the article. He handed the paper back to the goddess. “I gotta get home! Krys is gonna kill me - literally.”

“Then that’s where I’ll take you.” The goddess said.

***

“Merry Christmas sleepyheads!” Krystal said when Bob let her into his apartment the next day.

“What time is it?” he asked, squinting at the light coming through the window in the living room.

“Almost 3. What did you two do last night?” she asked, kissing Tim when he stumbled into the living room. “Hi sweetie!”

“There were these goddesses…” Tim began, not quite coherent yet.

“Goddesses?” Krystal asked, looking at Bob for an explanation.

“Yeah, three of ‘em. It was like that Christmas movie, only not.” Bob replied, smiling as he remembered the goddesses.

“Uh huh. Well, Rico called me this morning and told me that after the two of you left the bar last night you had this fight outside on the sidewalk, which explains the black eye.” Krystal said.

Tim’s eye was swollen so much he could barely open his eye. When Krystal’s gaze fell on him he shrugged, not remembering how he got it.

“That happened at the house.” Bob said, slowly remembering.

“What house?” Krystal asked, not sure she really wanted to know.

“The house we grew up in.” Tim said, also starting to remember.

“Right.” Krystal said, pretending she knew what they were talking about.

“And then that other goddess took us to your apartment.” Bob said.

“My apartment?”

“Yeah. We were floating outside the window.”

“The window of my fifth floor apartment. Uh huh.”

“Yeah. Then we went to Mr. Scrooge’s.”

“The guy from the Christmas movie?”

“No, his boss.” Tim replied.

“Your boss’s name is Scrooge?”

“Yup. And then the last goddess came and took us to the cemetery and showed us our headstones.” Tim said.

“Exactly what did you guys do at the bar last night?”

“The usual.” Bob replied. Krystal had been with the guys to the bar a few times and knew exactly what happened.

“Get a bad batch?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

The guys ignored her question and all were silent for a moment.

“Hey Krys, how did we get home?” Tim asked, suddenly realizing he had no idea how he got there.

“Well, like I said, Rico called me to tell me about you guys fighting and he wanted me to come get you before the cops picked you up. When I got there you guys had left so I figured that you had gone back here, but when I got here there was no answer. By the way Bob, you gotta start locking your door. I came in and found a spare key that fit the lock in a drawer in the kitchen. Oh yeah, whatever’s in that drawer - ew! Anyway, I went back downtown to look for you guys and saw you in front of O’Leary’s passed out so I brought you back here.” She gave them a disapproving look. “You guys really gotta lay off that shit. It’s fucking with your minds.”

“Gah!” Bob and Tim moaned as the phone rang.

“Hello?” Krystal said, temporarily relieving the guys of their pain. “Yes he is, one moment please.” Krystal handed Bob the phone.

“Yeah? Yes Mr. Scrooge. I know, Mr. Scrooge. What? Really? Thank… thank you, Mr. Scrooge. Merry Christmas to you too, Mr. Scrooge.” Bob hung up the phone. “My job is okay, I’m not gonna get fired!”

“What happened? Last night he was ready to hang you.” Tim asked, happy for his friend.

“Turns out he was visited by three spirits last night too and he’s not opening the store today.”

“Now I know you guys are messed up.” Krystal said, getting up. She grabbed them both and dragged them to the back of the apartment. “Get to bed, both of you. You’re gonna sleep this off. And don’t think that as soon as you hear the door close that means it’s okay to come back out here. I’m not going ANYWHERE.” Krystal said, pushing them toward the bedrooms.

When she sat back down on the couch, Krystal thought about the story she was just told.

“Goddesses.” She muttered, shaking her head and picking up a magazine. “First thing tomorrow they’re going to a clinic. I don’t want this to happen again and if it does, I don’t want to be around to see it.”

Fin