Broken Hearts

Broken Heart  – By Colin Younger

If you’ve ever had your heart broken, think you’ve had it broken or even broken someone else’s heart, then you probably know, felt or at least witnessed from the ‘other side’ everything I’m about to share with you, but if you’ve been fortunate enough to avoid the mini nuclear attack to your soul then keep up the good work, but read on and see what your missing.
While trying to retain some sense of masculinity and maintain the image of a regular, testosterone filled male, I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned from a recent experience that for as long as there’s a breath left in my body, I hope never to endure again, but having done so, am eternally grateful.
When you love a girl; and I mean really love them, not just when you’re with them out of habit or guilt - because it’s easier than leaving, or when you’re just along for the ride to see where it takes you, or when your other brain likes what it sees, or simply – which is all too common – that you imagine you could easily spend the rest of your life with this girl.  I mean when you love a girl so much you would do literally anything for her, when you believe everything about her is nothing short of amazing; the things she’s done, the things she does, how she does it, what she says, how she looks.  When you’ve put her on a pedestal so high, you think she has lunch with God so the top man can run some ideas past her!  When you don’t even bat an eyelid when a 178cm, size 10, curvy blond smiles at you as you walk past, because you’re thinking, “If she knew my girl, she wouldn’t be smiling”.  When you know that you would lie in front of a speeding train, or jump from the Eiffel Tower if it meant saving her life.  And when you believe more than anything else you’ve ever known that you will simply shrivel up and die if you don’t spend the rest of your life with this girl.  That’s when you know you love her – and that’s also when you know you’re in trouble…

They say, “love is blind”, which I’m not here to debate, however I will state emphatically that love / infatuation for someone – makes us blind.  And when you’re in this state of besotted, uncontrolled, irrational, incomprehensible, all consuming, lovesick ecstasy, it’s all too easy to be blinded to, or - worse but more likely - to ignore the signals that are letting you know that the girl who you think has God as her right hand man, may also have a pact with his greatest adversary as she is about to break your heart.  If it’s any consolation however, this is not a conscious act on her part.  She doesn’t know her ‘position on the pedestal’ has completely incapacitated the rational and logical compartments of your brain and she certainly never intended to throw your heart back at you in several pieces, but she’ll still do it.
The point being, that when “blinded” by love, you either dismiss the warning signs or don’t see them, so when it comes, when you hear those words, “We need to talk” – your once impenetrable, untouchable, beating heart is seconds away from being split right down the middle.  And as you hear, but you don’t listen, as your mouth dries and your body freezes and you’re stomach tightens, as your head spins and your legs buckle; it’s at this moment you know your heart is now in two pieces and is broken beyond all repair.  And you really do wish you could ‘shrivel up and die’ right there and then…

But you can’t and you don’t.  Surprisingly enough, you’re still able to breathe, eat, sleep and live – maybe not in the fully functional manner that you’re used too, but you are undoubtedly still alive and kicking.  Even so, there will and must be a period of suffering, when sleeping, eating, concentrating and getting up in the morning all seem impossibly difficult.  When listening to music, looking at the unruffled side of the bed, making dinner for one and nearly putting sugar in your tea again all agonizingly remind you of what was or what could’ve been.  Yes, you have to endure this, because although this may appear to be by far highest emotional mountain you’ve had to climb, think yourself lucky – I repeat, lucky, for being given the good fortune to experience the power of that emotion and for being given the opportunity to peak again better in every way than ever before.
Having your heart broken is empowering.  It allows you to contemplate and analyse how you ended up with a broken heart in the first place and it forces you to make decisions about your life, your future and your goals that amongst other things ensure it won’t happen again!  Making any decision is empowering, but deciding to be a better person is one of the most empowering decisions you can make and fuelled with what you’ve learned from your recent heart breaking experience, you now have the knowledge, the incentive and really no other choice than to get back up and be someone much bigger, better, faster and stronger than your ex would ever hope to even get a sniff at!  And as for that broken heart you’re still nursing; you don’t need it - it was no good to you the first time and it won’t be any more use the second time around so throw it away and put in a new improved, bigger, better and stronger model!  Then move on.  Move on knowing that you’ve not only survived to tell the tale – (every woman loves to hear a mans broken heart story), but you’ve come out the other end on top, you’ve changed the negatives into positives and you’re a much better person for the experience.  And when you’re at this point where you’ve turned the corner and been rebuilt, you can be 100% sure that your ex – even if she never says it or admits it – wants you back.  But that’s up to you, and while I don’t know what you did or would decide in your world, I’ll leave you with some poetic food for thought that will at least let you know what decision I made - An angel in disguise she was and I fell for her completely, until the day she broke my heart and she lost everything.