Alone

It is such an awful feeling to realize one day, that what you thought that you once had, you really never did have. That the life you lived, and knew, was really, a fantasy.
Your parents were divorced, and went on and married other people, and had children of their own, and you being the only child between the two. at first thought, this is cool, I have two families, two families that love me, and will always be there, and you can share happy, and sad times with. Hey, I am lucky! Lots of people do not have this!
Only to wake up one day, and find that this is not true at all. That the only two people that held this love together for you were your Mom and Dad. and the rest of the families, just tolerated you because of love for their loved one.
One parent dies, and poof. there goes everyone on that side, turning against you, they want nothing to do with you, for hey, their obligation is done, they put up with you for the one who died. Then a tremendous fear comes over you. Hey, this is what is going to happen to me when my other parent will die, and I will be totally alone!
And all those years, you were thinking that it was you they loved for you. But, boy were you fooled!
You are left standing alone to pick up the pieces of your broken life, your torn apart world. The world you once knew, and you once felt safe in, suddenly becomes cold, and heartless. And you find that you have no one to turn to at all, no one to talk to. No one to help you through this time in your life.
You then realize, "Hey, I need to start over, I need to rebuild my own life" But, how? Everything is my past life was a fraud, everything was fake, how do I start over?
You had made your life once. and it came falling down to your feet. You once again, need to figure out for yourself. what is fact, and what is fiction. but, there is no one there to help you figure that out. Will I do better this time? or will I totally mess it up........Like I did the last time? Will I build something, only to have it blown up around me again? All these fears come running at you full force, and you freeze, you have no where to run. no shoulder to cry on. the only thing that you can hope for. is the friends that you chose, are good friends, and not good weather friends. Maybe they can be there for you, to help you sort things out, but then, once again, the fear creeps back in, hey, "family" turned their back on you, how do you expect your friends to be there for you?
Then it hits you, You are going to be alone for the rest of your live, no roots, no background, no basis to build on, and that is one lonely feeling! To know that in this world, you are totally alone! And the more you think about it, the more you dig yourself into a hole, and want to bring the dirt in with you, and hide from everything, for it is at this point, that you realize that nothing in life is a guarantee. Nothing in life if for forever. And you have to deal with things the very best way that you can. ALONE!