I Saw Jesus

                                                                                                                6-5-07




  The night I was saved (Saturday, May 7th, '06 --- I was 17) started out like an ordinary night-I was still full of hate and bitterness and anger. My mother had gone to bed, and I was bored, so I decided to go back to my room. As I went toward my room, I felt Satan's presence, as I had a few times before. I didn't know what to do, I just knew that it was really freakin me out. I didn't know what else to do, so I decided to try this prayer business. I had seen my mother do it a few times, and she swore that it worked, so I shut myself up in my room and grabbed an old red Bible I had sitting on a shelf (covered with dust, of course). I placed the Bible on my bed and got down on my knees. I leaned over and rested my arms on the Good Book and clasped my hands together. Then I closed my eyes and began to pray.
  First, I said, "Lord, I don't know if You're listenin or not, or if You even care, but I know Satan is in this room with me right now, and it's freakin me out. So...couldja tell him to get lost and leave me alone?" And to my surprise,I actually felt a little bit better! I thought, "Huh! Well, how 'bout that?" So, I decided to pray for a friend of ours who is disabled...and lonely. When I was done praying for him, I felt even better! So, I prayed for this person, and I prayed for that person, and every time I was done praying for somebody, I felt a little bit better-and I felt God's presence grow a little bit stronger.
  Finally, I decided that, since my father had screwed me up for life, and since he hated me so much, and since my brother didn't care about anybody but himself (still doesn't, unfortunately), and since my mother, the only person I had left in the world, stole the man I loved (past tense!) away from me, which felt like THE ultimate betrayal, and since I knew my spirit couldn't possibly have been more broken than it was at the time, I thought to myself, "Well, I'm here, God's here, I guess I might as well give Him a shot. Besides, I have nothing else to lose-I've already lost everything and everybody that has ever mattered to me. So...why not?" So, I prayed for God to help me (I didn't know what else to say), and before I had gotten all the words out, I felt the most unexplainable, and the most joyous, feeling, in my heart, and I actually, physically felt my burdens being lifted from my shoulders.
  So, I bawled for a few minutes, then I thought, "Well, that felt pretty good, but I'm not sure if I was saved or not." So I decided to ask God to lead me to a verse in the Bible that would let me know for sure. But, I had to pee really bad, because I had been in there a long time, so I went into the bathroom and shut the door.
  Now, we had no electricity that night (we usually didn't-we're really poor), so I had to light a candle. There was a little gel candle on the counter, and I lit it, but it didn't want to stay lit. There was an oil lamp sitting there too, so I took off the glass globe and lit the wick, and then I turned away for just a second to set the candle on the counter, and when I turned back...the flame of the oil lamp was shaped like the devil's head. I stood there, shocked and horrified, and with my jaw on the floor, and as I stood there staring, the flame slo-o-o-o-o-o-wly rose off of the wick, and as it rose, something told me it was supposed to symbolize an angel floating up to heaven. It rose about 4 inches into the air, and then all of a sudden, it shot down into the metal base with a wooshing sound, and when I leaned over and looked into the base, I saw blue and yellow flames swirling around, and again, something told me that it was to symbolize the tortured souls of Hell. Then I realized that Satan was asking me a question: Which way was I gonna go---up...or down?
  I stood there, motionless, as I realized what Satan was asking me. For a few seconds, I didn't know what to do. Then, I said to him, "I rebuke you, Satan, in the name of Jesus Christ!!!!" And I blew into the metal base. The flame popped back up, into the shape of the devil's head. So I cussed him out (I didn't fully realize yet that I couldn't do that anymore), and blew the flame out. Then I laughed out loud at his stupidity and walked out.
  I went back to my room and sat down on the edge of my bed, Placing the Bible on my lap. I placed my left hand on the Book, lifted my right hand into the air, closed my eyes, and said, "Lord, I don't know if I've been saved or not. Please guide my hand to a verse in this Bible that will tell me for sure." Then, with my eyes still closed, I felt my hands take on a life of their own as they opened the Holy Book. Then, I felt all the fingers on my right hand being folded down, except my index finger. I felt an invisible hand wrap around mine, and then, with a little force, my finger was placed on a page. I opened my eyes, and I read this:

  "Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; there shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. For he shall give his angels charge over thee, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet. Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I shall answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him, and show him my salvation."  Psalm 91:9-16 (KJV)

  I had to read it three times before I understood what it meant, but once I did, I knew for sure that I had been saved. I got down on my knees, and I said, "Lord, until now, I have wanted to live out my dreams to glorify myself. But now, I want to do it to glorify You. And I swear, right now, that I will do everything in my power to bring others to You. Even if I have to sin, and anger You, and risk eternal damnation, if that's what it takes to bring so much as one lost soul to You, Heavenly Father, then I will do it, and I will do it willingly." After that, I just stayed there, filled with joy for the first time since I was 9 years old.
  After a while, my brother came home from work (it was around 2 am), and woke my mom up. I didn't feel comfortable just blurting out the fact that I had been saved in front of my brother, because he wasn't (and still isn't) a Christian, but I wanted to tell my mom so bad, I thought I would burst. But I had to listen to him talk about work for almost an hour, wiggling and squirming the whole time, until finally, he went to the bathroom, and I said, "Mom! Come to my room-I've got something to tell you!!!"So we went to my room, and I told her, and there was all this hullabaloo, and then after my brother went to bed, around 3 am, we sat in the living room couch and talked about God until 9 am, when a friend of ours picked her up for church. She asked me if I wanted to go, and I did, but I was SOOOOO exhausted, and I figured that if I went, and mom told everyone I had been saved when the pastor asked for prayer requests, everyone would crowd around me and hug me and stuff, and I knew I didn't have the energy for it. I knew I needed to go to bed. I told her to tell everyone that I wouldn't be there, because I was too tired from fighting the devil all night, but that I would be there next Sunday. So, after mom left, I brushed my teeth, and went to my room, and laid on the bed.
  I had my eyes open, staring at the ceiling, going over all the events of the night before in my mind, and still trying to figure out how it all came to be, and all of a sudden, I felt Jesus come into the room. And then...I saw Him. He didn't appear in front of me, He was in my mind, but I saw Him.
  He had long, dark brown hair and a long beard, and pale, smooth skin, His eyes were dark brown, so dark, they looked black, and they were full of love and tenderness. He wore a long white robe, and He was standing against a pale yellow background. And as I gazed upon His face, His eyes met mine...and He smiled at me. And it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. As I looked at Him, He said to me, not in verbal words, but in my heart: "I'm proud of you."
 
  And then, I drifted off to sleep, with Jesus watching over me.