Behind My Eyes part 1

Behind My Eyes

Prologue - Mark

I know that, technically, it wasn’t my entire fault. I’ve had friends tell me that, counselors tell me that, my own parents tell me that, but somehow, I’ve just never been the same. Somehow, I still hold myself responsible for everything that has happened lately.

I, like so many other kids in the school, am guilty. Not because of what I did do, but because of what I didn’t do. Too many of us just stood by and watched Danny get treated worse and worse, without saying a single word in his defense. If I could go back in time, of course I would change everything. I guess I tried at the end, I can at least say that, but it didn’t help much. It turned out Danny didn’t just need to be saved from himself.

I never used to know Danny; not the way that I do now. I don’t think any of us did… we just never bothered. Not until it was too late. Anyway, if you just have my side of the story, this won’t make a lot of sense. So here’s the whole story. I haven’t been able to get everyone’s point of view, and Danny’s is mainly from what he told others, and what we obtained from his diary, but it’s the best I could do.

This is the story that was never told. This is the story of what kids can do…

Danny

Danny held the blade against his wrist, savoring the familiar, sharp pain that came with its contact. It was practically becoming a ritual now, the silver knife drawing thin, deep cuts on the canvas of his lower arm.

It was almost artistic… the deep, red trickles of warm blood made vibrant patterns down his arm. He drew in a sharp breath, now sure that he had cut deeper than ever before this time.

Danny’s eyes snapped up as a clap of thunder shook his small bedroom. Rain was pouring down from the sky outside, and many droplets of water were sliding down the window.

It was times like these that he was glad to go to a boarding school. All you needed was a note from the nurse excusing you from lessons due to illness, and you were free to sit in your room for as long as you needed to, in total privacy, as everyone else were at their lessons.

At the moment was double maths, yet Danny felt no pity towards his classmates, who were being forced to endure Mr. Glassman’s droning. After all they had done to him; it was the absolute least of the punishments he wished upon them.

Well, maybe saying ‘them’ was a little unfair. There were precious few of them who had not directly done anything to him, though he felt no gratitude whatsoever towards these persons, as they had not once stepped in to defend him.

Danny had never been able to figure out what they had against him; after all, he was just a normal guy. The only thing that he could come up with was the fact that he had become an orphan roughly a year ago, when his parents were killed in a train accident. It was not long after that that he had become an outcast...

Olivia

“Where’s that faggot Danny?” Robert Oldson asked one of his friends, Bill Smite.  “Don’t know, and don’t give a fuck,” Bill grinned heartlessly. “With any luck he went to drown himself in the bath.”

Olivia frowned and lowered her head, blocking out the conversation. She couldn’t stand to hear people talk about Danny that way; she had always had a soft spot for that boy. They only seemed to pick on him because he couldn’t fight back, but she found that more than a little pathetic, as no one could be expected to fight back when outnumbered twenty to one.

There were many times that she’d come close to stepping in; when the verbal and physical abuse Danny faced daily in the hallways got too extreme, but something always pulled her back. It was only too well known that if anyone tried to defend him, they would get the same treatment themselves.

It was no use asking the teachers to step in either, for all they had to say on the matter was that ‘he would have to learn to stand up for himself’, or he would “never be able to face it in the real world”.

She knew she didn’t have a lot to worry about though; not only was Danny none of her business, but he seemed to be able to handle the whole situation just fine, in fact, it hardly seemed to affect him. He didn’t talk much…

Mark

“Mark, come here for a minute,” Mr. Glassman called after the bell rang. I walked up to his desk nervously. Mr. Glassman was the strictest (and fattest) teacher in the school, and if I had done anything wrong, then I was in A LOT of trouble.

“I don’t want Danny to fall behind, could you give him his latest assignment for me?” he asked once I reached him. I breathed a sigh of relief, and accepted the assignment. I shared a room with Danny, to my disgust. It wasn’t too bad, I suppose. He didn’t talk much.

As I left the room, Adam Lissinger and his girlfriend Olivia Sand approached me. Or rather, Adam approached me, dragging a rather reluctant looking Olivia with him. Adam and Olivia were two of my closest friends, and I’d known Adam since primary school.

“Robert’s gonna fight Harry in the lounge in, like, two minutes! What took you so long?” Adam demanded.
  “I have to give this assignment to Dan,” I said, rolling my eyes. Adam looked  more than a little annoyed.
  “Well, can’t it wait?” he objected. “These guys aren’t gonna wait for us!”

Before I could reply, Olivia jumped in. “Look, I’ll take it to him. I don’t really care if I miss out on this stupid fight.”

That was Olivia for you. She’s one of those girls who will do anything to help someone out. Good looking too… with straight, brown hair and bright green eyes and a wicked smile. If she wasn’t already going out with my best friend, I’d go out with her.

“Hurry up,” Adam urged. I snapped back to attention and followed him down the hall, while Olivia went the other way, towards the boy’s dormitories.

Olivia

As she reached the door to Mark’s room, she stopped suddenly. She felt as though she was intruding on his privacy, and she hesitated before knocking on the door. There was no answer. She knocked again.

“Who is it?” demanded Danny in a thin voice.

“Olivia… I have an assignment for you.”

The door opened before she had even finished her sentence, and Danny stood before her. Olivia felt her mouth drop at the sight of him; she’d never seen anyone look so sad.

His dark hair was messy, even more so than usual, and it was hanging carelessly into his eyes. As she looked into his eyes, she noticed for the first time that they were truly beautiful. They were a light shade of blue-grey, and were framed by dark lashes. His face was pale and drained, and his lips lacked colour. As a result, he hardly looked real, more like a ghost than a fourteen year old boy.

“Is it maths?” guessed Danny. Olivia was confused for a second, before she remembered what she’d gone there for.
  “Yeah, couldn’t get out of it by skipping class,” she smiled.

Danny didn’t answer, but Olivia noticed that he was turning white. “Are you alright?” she asked, concerned.
  “I’m fine,” Danny assured her, supporting himself by grabbing onto the doorknob.
  “Are you sure?” Olivia pressed. “Maybe you should go to bed early or-”

Her sentence was cut short, as Danny collapsed to the ground, unconscious. “Danny!” Olivia screamed in alarm. She stood there for just a second, in shock, before springing into action.

She pulled him entirely into the room, and checked his pulse at the base of his neck. It was there, but it was faint. She felt his forehead, and found that it was unnaturally cool.

‘I’ll take off his jumper,’ she thought, walking herself through the situation in an attempt to keep her head. First, she loosened his tie, which was pretty loose already, and undid the top button of the stiff, white shirt that they had to wear under their black jumpers.

“You’re going to be okay, Danny,” she whispered to the motionless boy, though in reality, she was really reassuring herself. She pulled the jumper over his head from behind, and removed it from his arms. Something on Danny’s left arm caught her attention, and she frowned when she realized what it was.

Blood. The lower part of Danny’s left sleeve was soaked with blood. The sleeve was already unbuttoned, so Olivia simply had to yank up the sleeve, to reveal deep slashes all down Danny’s lower arm.

“Jesus,” Olivia murmured under her breath, feeling light headed and slightly nauseous. She laid him down gently, and ran into the suite he and Mark shared. She headed straight for the cabinet above the sink, where there was a first aid box. She knew this because it was the same in every dormitory.

With shaking hands, she took out some gauze bandage and some disinfectant wipes. Still in a daze, she wiped down and bandaged Danny’s arm, careful to move him as little as possible.

She had no idea what to do, and a million thoughts were running through her head. Get a teacher, get another kid or ring an ambulance. She was just deciding on alerting a teacher when Danny stirred. After a moment, his eyes opened, and a confused look set upon his face. Olivia felt an overwhelming wave of relief wash over her, and she wrapped Danny in a tight hug.

Danny

“What happened?” Danny murmured weakly, trying to lift his head. Olivia Sand was sitting beside him, looking like she’d been crying, and had just hugged him. Was he missing something?

He was aware of a loud roaring, which he soon realized was just the rain, which had turned into a full on downpour. “You collapsed,” Olivia said simply. Danny was still confused, until it hit him.

Danny lifted his head, and saw that his left wrist was covered in bandage. His eyes darted to Olivia. She knew now. “Don’t tell anyone!” he ordered viciously. Olivia looked startled at his change of character.
  “Why did you do it?” she asked, and then realized what a stupid question it was. Danny studied here for a moment, before answering,
  “Because maybe one day, it’ll work, and I’ll get out of this hell.”

Olivia gaped at him, obviously shocked. “Go back to whatever you were doing, okay, and don’t tell anyone. Just go.”

“But-” Olivia began to protest.

“Just fucking leave me alone,” he snapped. Olivia rose huffily and walked out of the room. Danny waited until she had left, before he buried his head in his arms and began to sob silently into them, the material soaking up the wet tears as though they had never existed.