Whisper: Zero

Whisper: Zero
By Tom Lin

“I don’t know what to do anymore.” She typed into the messenger window. “I feel as if I’ve lost him already.”
         “What happened?” The AIM replied back. “What did he do this time?”
         “He didn’t do anything.” She sighed as she typed, and fighting tears back, her emotions surging in, she slowly replied back. “I guess maybe that’s what scares me the most.
         “He used to do small things all the time, you know?” She continued. “He would pick up some flowers, or just show up with chocolates and take me out to dinner.
         “He doesn’t do that anymore.” She sadly concluded.
         “He doesn’t care anymore.” The AIM replied back.
         “Maybe he’s just busy.” She typed back. “I mean, the college entrance exams are sort of strict.”
         “That’s no excuse.” Her friend typed back. “If he really cared for you, he would take time out for you.
         “If he really cared for you, he would tell you he loved you.”
         Lan sighed, lying back on her chair. She didn’t know what to do, and her friend online was her only refuge from her problems at the moment. She couldn’t tell anybody at school, because the news would travel back to Jeff, and he would be so mad if he found out about her worries, telling her that it was stupid to worry about all these pointless stuff when she could be concentrating on her studies instead.
         But she couldn’t. All she could think about now was the cold reception she was getting from Jeff.
         When she first met him, they were together almost all the time, sneaking into each other’s houses so that they could spent the night together, snuggling in their beds, escaping through the window just moments before dawn’s light signaled the start for another day.
         But now, even that simple thing has become an arduous chore to accomplish. Jeff would frequently be “too busy” to meet her up, and their meetings have lost that sense of spontaneity, always needed an appointment before they meet up.
         Jeff seems to always be needing time just to free up space for her.
         And that’s when he started using instant message, first in chat rooms, then one on one with the friends she’s met online. Although they could only communicate letters and ideas, these friends seemed more real than the real ones she met at school, the backstabbing liars who were jealous of her relationship with Jeff, who were trying as much as they could to separate him away. She couldn’t associate with these people anymore. The only person she trusted now was her friend, screen name of Ryohayashi, who’ve been there every time she was online, consoling her and helping her through her own problems.
         “What do I do, Ryo, what can I do to get him back?” She typed desperately.
         “Nothing.” Was the simple reply. “It seems like it’s already too late.
         “You have lost him already.”
         The door was knocked then, and she knew who it was. Jeff had asked to see her earlier, and she had made sure he would come to her house when her parents would be gone.
         “Be back.” She typed as she left for the door.
         “You’ll only be disappointed.” The AIM reply was almost instantaneous.
         When she opened up the door, he was standing there, looking off to the side. When he turned to her, he gave the simple “hey” reply.
         Before she had a chance to give him a kiss, he avoided her and headed hurriedly inside.
         “Are your parents here?” He asked as she was closing the front door.
         “No, they left for the evening.” She replied as she followed him in.
         “Cool.” He said as he turned around, taking a huge breath as he did so. He looked nervous, fidgety.
         “Are you okay?” She asked.
         “Yeah, yeah, I am.” He did not calm down.
         They both sat down, and Lan brought them both glasses of juice. Jeff downed his entire glass in a gulp, taking a huge breath afterwards as he finished. As he finished, he looked up at Lan, and his look was different.
         “You alright?” She asked again.
         “Lan.” He said slowly, as if the words were struggling through his mouth, his eyes wandering around nervously. “I think we need a break from each other.”
         Lan didn’t say anything back, but the shock was shown through her face, which froze stiff from what she heard.
         “It’s just that I’m busy with school and all, and I need to start concentrating about college and what I want to do with my degree and all.” He said all that, as he took a pause, looking at Lan for her response.
         She didn’t know what to say. “But…” She stuttered. “But… It’ll be alright, though, I mean, we can still be together, I can wait and…”
         “You don’t understand,” Jeff replied back. “I just don’t have a time for a girlfriend now.”
         “What do you mean?” She almost yelled, but the voice wouldn’t come out. “You don’t have to take time out for me, I can still just wait for you like I’ve been doing these last few weeks, you don’t need to…”
         “Lan.” His tone was stern, strong, so firm that it stopped Lan in her tracks. “I don’t need a girlfriend right now. I’ve got more important things to take care of.”
         “But…”
         “This is not about you and me,” He said as he got up.
         “Please, don’t leave!” She almost screamed as she got up, clinging to his arm. “I love you. I’ll do anything for you.”
         “I already told you, there’s things more important than just us.”
         “I can’t live without you, please…” She cried, her face buried in his arm, her tears soaking his shirt sleeve. “Please don’t leave. I can’t… I can’t…”
         With a simple shrug, he shook her off of his arm. She tried reaching for it again, but missed, and held onto nothing but air.
         He left without looking back again. He left without seeing her collapse to her knees, tears flooding through her cheeks, her shoulders shaking and shaking.
         He left as he slammed the door shut on her shattering self.
         As she was crying on the floor, her face now lying on the floor, the cool of the tiles on her cheeks, she heard the chiming of a message received on her AIM, her computer still on.
         She slowly got up, and the message that greeted her was “I told you that you were going to be disappointed.”
         Choking as more tears came by, she struggled to type in “What do I do now, Ryo, he was the only reason for me to live.”
         “It’s alright, I’m here for you.” The AIM replied back.
         “What do I do, Ryo? What do I do?”
         “I’ll comfort you.” Was the reply. “I know that you have no one else to rely on, Lan.
         “Jeff was the only one you trusted, and now he’s abandoned you.
         “I’ll never leave you.
         “I’ll always be here for you.”
         “Yes, I know.” Lan typed back, wiping the tears away from her eyes.
         “Do you believe in me, Lan?” The reply came almost immediatedly.
         “Yes, I do.”
         “Do you want to be with me?”
         “Yes.” She replied back.

*    *    *    *    *

         At the edge of the roof, Lan looked down the height of the building, and without a moment’s hesitance, she looked straight and took a firm step off, falling, the blue sky the comfort of better things to come.

*    *    *    *    *

         “I know you won’t believe what you’re seeing, but trust me, believe every word I’m about to say…”