In the middle of a fall

A little bubble of hope springs from a tired heart
And looks back intensely at where it all began;
Had I seen the unattractive ‘loser’ soul
Way back when it was alive and dreams shone?

They say the mighty fall hard,
But do the not-so-mighty also slip slowly.
Little by little, minute by minute
Does life slip away… speck by speck.

I feel like I am falling off a cliff – slowly, painlessly.
And life does not pass by in a flash, like its meant to! 
No. It’s blank. And dull. And without meaning.
I don’t think I am even unhappy.

And suddenly in the middle of the fall
Out of nowhere, and out of nothing
A little circumstance develops; a little spirit seeps in.
I see life – its barrenness and all else – in a new light.
I am back to a 13 year old life. I live through someone else

The first feeling is one of protection -
To keep it safe; far from harm. And then I take a minute
To remind myself, there is nothing to save it from;
There is no reason to protect it, train it.

It’s a free, alive spirit that flits around without fear
Except of an immediate sort, of a momentary fall.
But strangely it seems so much more aware
Of the transience of it all;
Of its irrelevance in the larger scheme of things.

I see - suddenly, strangely, clearly
How little every day matters in the larger picture of life.
And at the same time, how much one can pack into this every day
To make this life liveable; actually wonderful.

As we grow older, as more days pass by
Why does this simple truth escape us?
And even if we remember it,
Why does it not stay with us?

What would it take for me to enjoy this fall
To savour the liberating feeling of suspension in space and time!
And know that with each little inch downwards
I am possibly closer to where I am meant to be
Better or worse, a place a little different.
Different and unknown. But another gift of life.
Like an experience you haven’t had. Like a place you haven’t been.
Like a letter you are yet to read. Like a chokingly beautiful scene you are yet to see.

It could be good, it could be bad
But with a childlike innocence, it can be special.
Full of life. Sometimes good, often bad
But life just the same, the way it was meant to be!

Will I remember this tomorrow?