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It was over just like that… as quickly as it began. Now my eyes tear without consent from my mind to weep. I don’t feel sad, just empty. Nothing seems to have the same meaning as it had before. I sit in my big room now pacing back and forth like an ape because retaining normalcy doesn’t quite carry the same appeal as it did before.

How unhappy you made me… Why can’t this be a joyous occasion? Why must I sit and stare in solitude? Why won’t my mind rest? Although I am no longer with you, I still feel you. I seem to know when you’re thinking about me and that makes the days torture. I should call but with every ounce of reason I’ve convinced myself that this is no longer right. As much as I don’t want it this way, it just isn’t right any other.

I’ve renounced all of those nights in my room where we lay naked in each others arms. I’ve renounced them time and time again but it still makes my stomach churn to think that there are no more nights of that kind in store for either of us. Its not often you meet someone of your caliber, but it only makes since that thinks went sour like they did. It is the only reasonable outcome for the luck I had for such a short time.

You know why things had to end. I could go on living in denial for as long as you would have had me but there is something morally wrong with living in a lie. At this point the line between what was a lie and was was truth is very vague. I have no faith in any of the words you said, but I loved hearing them all the same. I love you I love you I love you. I’ve convinced myself that it was all a lie.. maybe not in the beginning but definitely sometime soon after. I still lie awake at night hoping some reassurance will come from you somehow, but I receive none.

I supposed I shouldn’t ask for much because I’m sure in your mind I’ve abandoned you. This is not the case though as twisted as your mind is, you must see the truth in my leaving. As addicted as I was to abuse. The late night calls, the false crises every night, and the millions of excuses you force fed me were all reassurance of the only true thing you ever said to me, “I need you.” You needed me for the wrong reasons.

You needed me because you didn’t want to fall all alone. I’ve been struggling to get back up for so long now, the last thing I need is to be dragged down into the pits of hell with someone who’s only concern is company, whether it’s a bottle or a sucker.

If we had fallen together, it would have been a story worthy of the big screen. But now you will fall alone and I will sit by my phone waiting for that reassurance that will never come.