The Editor's Note #4

NECESSARY BACKGROUND INFORMATION

Dear Writing.Com readers,
This column has a bit of local color in it, so here is what you need to know.
I used to live in Colorado (AWESOME) but moved to Columbia, Illinois, which is called a "city" because the word "thorp" has fallen out of common usage. The high school for this village, Columbia High School (yay. go eagles.) decided to shorten Easter Break to 3 days, instead of a week. Naturally, I complain about it.

AND NOW, YOUR FEATURE PRESENTATION


Great Editor's Pen, Batman! It's...
  THE COLUMN

Hello readers! Spring is here again and most of us are enjoying the heady scent of life. This season is held by many Modern Americans to be a time of life and energy, a welcome respite from the eerie white cold of winter. It is a time to celebrate the vibrant, colorful, sweet-scented wonderfulness that spring is.

Modern Americans are not known for incredible intelligence.

These Modern Americans do not have seasonal allergies. They do not know that within every little pretty flower lies an army of microscopic irritants that, for some bizarre reason, have deeply rooted desire to tear out my lungs. So, while you're out there, playing sports and spending quality time with your families, I'll be inside with my head embedded in an air conditioner. Jerks.

But there is one thing that is coming that will alleviate this pain, and that is...

EXTENDED EASTER WEEKEND! (taken in lieu of Spring Break)

As of today, my Extended Easter Weekend plans will involve one of two things. In one case, I'll spend a few days in Colorado and do various exciting things there, like talking to my friends of old and checking up on all the people I've left behind. The second, otherwise known as the "disappointment" plan, will involve me taking part of the exciting, exhilarating, and wonderful social life of Columbia, Illinois. That should take me about an hour.

Mitchell: Let's see, I ate at Taco Bell, McDonalds, Sonic, Dairy Queen, and the Lantern. What am I going to do now?
Imaginary Friend: Why don't we begin an incredible life of wonder and discovery? Let's take the world by the horns and ride the red-hot seat of life! Nightlife! Clubbing! Dancing! Let's fill our world with excitement!
Mitchell: What, in Columbia?
Imaginary Friend: Good point. Let's try that Chinese place.
Mitchell: Whoopee.

Needless to say, don't be surprised if you see me wearing more pro-Colorado regalia this week.

You don't read this column to learn about my troubles, of course. (Unless it makes you happy, you sadist) This Extended Easter Weekend will, I'm guessing, be an exciting time for many of you, so I wish you best of luck! In fact, I will ask you to send any exciting - preferably funny - things that happen to you during your Extended Easter Weekend to [e-mail]! Please? Heh. PLEASE?!

Hoping that you have an scrumtrilesceant Extended Easter Weekend,
Mitchell W. ( [e-mail] )