Lost....

As you watch from distance in your strife. Acknowledging how it's hard to live when you have no life. Oppurtunity comes and goes as I stand there with swirling dreams in my head, and I think I'll never know if I chose what I wanted instead. When I can't decide whose my real friend. I know it's all in my head, as a lay there half dead regretting every action in my life wishing I wasn't such a fool. It kills me to see happiness of someone self actualized I feel like a a piece is missing that just to hard to find. They suffered much while I suffered little and there payment is due while mine is expended.

When have I been consistent? when have I ever wanted to feel? I realize I deserve the worst and nothing can be real in my rosy facade. A passion I can desecrate with an unfeeling heart. While entertaining fantasies of purity it was finished from the start. I see her so happy, it wasn't my place to go. To watch jealously at what I could have known. And whenever I got it good, I just have to find a way to screw it up. As I raise my hand to praise god the others petting my sinful heart.

Nothing matters but religion "come follow me!" they all say. I fall among the shaft of life I rapidly reach the bottom seeking the right door of many closed doors with so many symbols. I know I know the truth! Yet I don't live it! I look upon people who lack reason, forbidding there fate then forgetting my own. As I become less then a worm. How can I be such a fool every action I make brings me woe. Can I reach higher? Higher then the sky? I don't think I'll make it, I will surely die. I cry to the moon tauntingly far away it's pale light reflecting in the pond's gleam and there I stand wishing to describe it. Can't I do something?! Can't I be somone so that I will not fade away as dust does in the wind! How painful is it for a man to be forgotten?! I do not wish to become a drop in the ocean! I scream at fate! I scream at fate for birthing me weak and unfocused. Yet it baits me with talents and interests until I'm running in circles. All the whiel I look for radical change to live for soemthing to be somone! I want to be content with my life so why do I stare at myself and do nothing! It kills me like a disease! I must lay here hoping for the next morning while I live my blessed life that I don't appreciate day after day.