Runnings thru my mind

  Cold and open. Lost and lonely on the inside. The smiling face,so much like a cheshire grin,hide the true longing of the voice within. The sun has stopped shining,the heart has stopped beating,and the mind has gone blank. Oh,the feeling of freefalling sickens me and I can't dislodge the memory. I can't se whats ahead of me,but I know it will change. The point of clinging to memories makes no sense to me and still I defy myself and cling to the to the memories of the unwanted and the unforgiving that my mind has twisted into a demon of epic proportions. Death by my own hand is an unsettling yet,morbidly comforting thought. I cannot see my physical self commiting such an act,though mentally I replay the scene in my head. A sadisticly graceful thing. A death like that of an epic greek warrior in the greatest of litature,graceful and heroic. Yet there is no gain to a suicide only hurt and the long drawn out why?. How long can I keep the lie going? Can I make my distorted feelings good again? Or will I become another statistic with a tragic end?