Falling Fast

      The world is fucking spinning and I am trying to keep my balance. Is it possible to be human and make the right decisions? I am lost in a chaos that is like a fire spilling around me in all directions, casting simultaneously in shadow and in light.    The first spark came from my own hand, and I expected to have a cozy campfire, despite all the dangerous dry ground around me.
      My dreams are what lie ahead, and yet matters of the heart threaten to tear me down. My humanity is my weakness and I know not whether to embrace it and fight the further chaos that results, or whether I should carve my heart out and secure it in the highest room in the tallest tower with no key and no way to get to the top.
The latter seems cowardly, and lonely, but it also appears that I will accomplish what I want.
      Yet, what would accomplishments  mean without someone to share them with?
I cry out for that which my heart yearns for, yet I reject the very people that would try to get close. I am arrogant and I am scarred. How could I have allowed someone untrustworthy to cut past my defenses. Despite all the changes that I would make to my torn thump thump, I am powerless to change that which has already happened. I am my own victim, mercy to the crimes of my past. Moving on can be the hardest step when I know not how to get up.
                                        Anyone got a hand?