Memories

          Up, down, up, down. Some of the nurses wanted to ask him to quit tossing the old baseball, but the head nurse would not let them, she had seen his type before. Some paced, some flipped through the magazines not seeing the words, but they were basically all the same.
          He glanced at the black and white clock, like a cat watching a fish. Ignoring the hard plastic seating offered him, he paced and tossed the grimy baseball up, down, up, down. He should have been in there, but she had said no, he would worry too much and she was right, but when had she not been? He wondered if it should be taking this long if maybe he should not go and check on her. Other things ran through his mind, would he be a good father or would he abandon his family like his father had? Inexplicably, his mind drifted back to that summer a long time ago.
          Up, down, a familiar action for his ten-year old self. He and his father had been enjoying the gentle breeze, flowers in bloom, and having the baseball diamond all to themselves.
          “Come on Sport, you can do it. Just keep your eye on the ball and you’ll be on the team next year, no problem.”
          He smiled at his father and swung with all his might and… missed. His father winced and smiled and went over to him. Crouching down he placed his hands over his son’s and repositioned his hands till they were properly placed and stepped back.
          “Okay son, it’s the bottom of the ninth, the bases are loaded, you need just one hit to win, the pitcher winds up and throws you a curve ball and…” his father paused.
          He put all his energy into it, and could not believe it when he heard the solid sound of bat and hide.
          “The crowd goes wild, it looks like we have a new champion! Woo!” His father smiled at him, grabbed the ball and bat with one hand, while patting his son on the back.
          They had ice cream, chocolate, on the way back to the house, bonding. That was a long time ago though, and his father left a year later. He had blamed himself for that and it had taken a long time for him to understand that some men were just boys and not ready for fatherhood. He vowed he would never be the man his father had been. It was ancient history.
          But how do you prepare yourself to take responsibility for a tiny life? He was not sure, he just hoped he could figure it out in time. Just then the doctor came out, smiling quite broadly.
          “Mr. Chrot congratulations, you had a healthy baby boy! Would you like to see your son?”