THE LAST SUNSET

Just one more hour and the ceremony we all came here for will be starting. The private resort that boasts of an exquisite shoreline and cultured garden facing the Pacific is full of happy and expectant faces. People, some of whom I have known for years, some were barely acquaintances, have swarmed the place for a special celebration of two of the most special persons in my life.

I have been standing here, facing the sea and feeling both the warmth of the afternoon sun and the captivating coolness of the north winds. I have slightly distanced myself from the crowd and let the sound of the waves drown the familiar voices of anticipation and excitement. Summer has just freshly started, yet it feels like December. Looking down at the beautifully adorned invitation card in my hands, which I got a month ago, I felt some blood rushing through my veins. The name on the paper I have been staring at still gives me shivers. It was so long ago, yet it seems like yesterday. Five long years, of denial and escape, but all it took was just one day to bring everything back to me crisp and clearly that I could almost touch it…or blow it all away…again. Who would have thought that the only man I have loved so deeply is set to walk down the aisle with another beloved soul of mine…my best friend.

Life was a little different when you’re young and restless. Call me lucky, but I just had everything girls of my age wanted and needed. NO, my parents were not millionaires. I just had the luxury of having a father who just wanted the best for his only daughter. Nothing can compare seeing your dad shout your name out loud and knowing how proud they are for you. All I wanted was for them to be happy. I had a rare mix of curricular achievements and fancy living…and the company of an angel, my best friend Sarah whom I met even before we even knew our ABC’s. She was like a little lamp to my darkest nightmares and all those things only best friends knew. But unlike my Sarah, I only knew so much. I saw in her the happiness I could not decipher. I wished I knew how it felt to be Sarah…complete…in spite of a lot of absences.

College came and I got to enter the school I have been wanting so long. Sarah, who dreamed of becoming a vet, went to a medical school just a bus ride away from mine. I have been wanting to write, some passion I wish I could give justice to. But going to law school would be the best thing to do and seeing my dad’s wish come true is what I’m more passionate about. Everything came so well and the best part was always hearing my dad say, “Elise, I always knew you’d be a great lawyer, someone I can never be. I wish I will still be here when you become a chief justice,”

“Dad, c’mon, you certainly will see me become one. You have to! So be healthy, okey? Promise,” I kidded with him while I massaged his forehead. I love my daddy so much that I would give the world to him. I lived all my life making people happy and contented. That’s where I get my strength. But somehow, somewhere beneath the beauty and perfection, there must have been something I missed. I wish I knew then.

“Liz, c’mon, lighten up. You don’t have to kill yourself of work. You need to relax. You’ve never even dated, for Christ sake!” Sarah once lamented while I worked on my term paper.

“Of course I did date! What d’ya call that night with Mike. You were even there with us.” I countered.

“That’s the whole point. You won’t even go out if I’m not around. You never even cared to remember his number. You just let the poor man in the dark. Liz, I’m not pushing you to have a guy. I just want you to experience some life outside your books and your…dad’s dreams for you,” for the first time, I saw the concern in my best friend’s eyes. There must be something wrong, but I just let it pass. “Sarah, I know you just want the best for me. But you know just how badly I wanted to succeed in this. I cannot afford to have someone and mess up everything I have sowed. He’ll come don’t worry…”

Sarah made sense but everything was just a stranger to me…

…And then I met Ryan. He came to my life in such an unexpected way. We literally bumped into each other on my way to a major class. I picked up my things from their fall and had no time to argue with whomever I bumped into. The next day, I had the biggest shock of my life seeing a poem I made printed in a font size so large posted on every bulletin in school. I knew right then who posted them. The Free Verse Society has been so serious with their drive to spread poetry in school. I went to their office to find out who’s responsible for what I call “invasion of privacy”. I entered their office and there he was. Sitting at what probably is their president’s table. Smiling like there’s no tomorrow. “You write so well. I wanted to run after you yesterday to give this back. But, what are you? A sprinter?” Another smile was all it took and he just took my breath away. For the first time, I was able to look deeply into the eyes of a certain stranger. His smile, so genuine, dissolved the entire world’s anguish. Ryan, the society’s president of 3 years, quite an activist in school, a gentle soul with so much passion for life and things that comes with it.

We have become friends, close friends, and together with Sarah, we have become a trio and eventually, we fell in love…so deeply in love. Our love was almost surreal and Sarah became the happiest person for us. I could not paint how perfect everything for us. She was right all the time. I have been missing a lot. But I thought, it was right that I waited this long, because Ryan was just there, waiting for me, too. I had made a great leap of faith.

With Ryan, life became simpler…yet magical. With him, I was able to write again and freed me from the world. Every beautiful thing that has happened…Ryan…somehow changed me. My dad saw the changes, the thing is, and he didn’t know a thing about Ryan and me. When he found out, he was devastated. I came home one night with his furious face in front of me, something so stranger to me.

“Of all people out there, why does it have to be him? I’ve never stopped you from meeting boys but to date a son of a rebel leader, how could you do that?” dad blurted out words about Ryan which I have never heard before. “Dad, I’m sorry. I don’t know what you are talking about. Ryan is a great guy. You will love him. I was about to tell you about us….” He cut me off “…now when did you start hiding things from me? I have given you everything, Elise. I brought you up to be a woman you’ll be proud of someday. Don’t ruin everything you have earned just for some guy who could not give you the peace of mind someday. Now, if you still have a little respect and love left for me, see enough of that man.” No dad, you’ve only given me things that would only make you happy, I told myself. I just realized it was my first time I saw my dad shed a tear. It broke my heart seeing him so disappointed at me. I ruined his trust. But I loved Ryan so much that it just tears me apart to think and choose….decide. What did I do wrong?

My dad was right about Ryan. He was a son of a top rebel leader residing abroad. No wonder he kept his family affairs close to his chest. I just didn’t see why it has to be a great deal for us. The confusion clouded my once so sunny disposition. Sarah told me to talk to my father about it and make him understand that Ryan means no harm to me and no matter what, I’ll stick with Ryan coz we both love each other. But the face of my dad in my mind lingers. Maybe I was just overwhelmed by everything. Maybe I just thought of myself too much and exaggerated things. I met with Ryan and told him about what my father knew and it was best to just distance from each other until things have settled down.

“…what is this? All of a sudden you accuse me of being a communist? What if it’s true, you’ll break up with me because of that? Elise, you, of all people should know it wouldn’t matter. I love you…El….” I stepped back from him. All I want to do that time was to touch him, hug him, kiss him and tell him that he’s right, we love each other so much, so much we’d run away from ‘em all. But all I did was look down, stepped away from him…

“I love you too, Ryan. So much. You have no idea just how you make everything perfect. But I can’t afford to see my father hate you more because of that. You have no idea what he could do. Please, just listen to me. We need a little time away from each other,” looking at him with watery eyes just torn me into pieces. “Elise, we can get over this without breaking up. I know your dad is gonna understand. Let me talk to him, please just don’t leave me. It will kill me….” he begged on his knees. I knelt down kissed him for the last time and whispered… “I love you…this is for the best…” and I stood up, wiped my tears, and left him without turning back. I could still remember his sobs on my departure. But what can I do, that was what I had to do.

On my way to the airport the week after, I met with Sarah. “Elise, please don’t do this to you and Ryan. You have no idea how you’re slowly killing him. He just stopped showing up in his classes. Don’t do something you might regret one day. He loves you so much, why is it so easy for you to give him up if you love him that much? I don’t get you….” My best friend saw how he suffered; I hope she did saw mine, too. No hell could compare to the woe I felt. “I hope I can explain and tell you just why, but like you I’m clueless. It’s so painful but I can’t fight it. Please, be there for him. Don’t leave him. Take care of him for me. I have faith in you….” I took her hands and just felt how warm it is. That single gesture did everything for us. Words are just needed nom more. We know what each other meant. Then she took my head, brought it to her shoulders. “Whatever you have in mind, I trust it. I love you, Liz. Just take good care.” I flew away, away from them all. Five years of escape and now I’m back. I haven’t seen my Sarah and Ryan since that fateful day. Ryan had 2 years of agony because of me, but Sarah has made him realize that his life doesn’t end with me. She took good care of him, just as I asked her to. She has fallen in love with Ryan during his hardest moments…and Ryan was able to love her back just as much…maybe even more than he has loved me. It hurts to think of it coz up until now, Ryan still has the key to my heart. Nothing has changed since then. A cold breeze gently tapped me and brought me back to reality. It was a long journey back in time. I turned back and slowly walked to the nearby garden and warm up. The lilies and gerberas flooding the place for the wedding tell of how the couple is feeling right now…so happy and so in love. I smiled at the sight of my best friend giggling in my mind and all of a sudden a shadow coming from behind overcastted me. I turned to see hat it is and it engulfed me. Ryan, in his tuxedo was standing there. So vibrant and contented. He still has the most handsome face I have seen. His smile never failed to nail me. Strangely, every noise and movements came to a halt. It’s just me and the man I love.

“I thought you’d never come. Glad Sarah’s right. She just has the biggest faith in you. It’s been a while….I…we missed you,” I never said a word; I just stared at him, not even hearing what he said. All I wanted was that moment with him. His smile and his face was enough for me to breathe. “You look beautiful in your dress, Sarah, picked that color and design for you. She wanted you to be the most beautif…,” I ran to him and hugged him, so deeply and hard. The warmth of it melted me. I drifted away from reality. He just held me still, letting me have my moment. Silence…just pure silence. It felt like years and centuries. I love this man. I faced up to him. He wiped my tears and kissed my forehead. He smiled again and brought me to my feet.

“I’m sorry for everything. I didn’t even said goodbye. I ruined your life…” I finally found the words. “Sssshhh…no need. I have come to realize that you were right. What you did was for the best. I couldn’t imagine now, keeping you away from your dreams and your dad,” No, Ryan. You were my only dream. What else I’m here for if not for you. “I know, I was hurt, badly hurt. Did you know I almost killed myself? I almost did. I just couldn’t understand why you had to leave me when everything was perfect and we loved each other. You were like my life. Sarah was just at the right time. He gave me more reasons to move on. She told me, you wouldn’t wanna see me like that. And so I did,” His words were like spears into my heart. But they were true. He is a different man now who deserves to be happy.

“Ryan, I know just how much I’ve hurt you, but you just have no idea how much pain I had because of that. But seeing you now, I think I have to thank myself for doing what I had to do. You deserve Sarah more than anyone. I’m so glad you have moved on and I could witness you on this special day. I thought, I could never face you both again. Thank you so much….,” I love you…I whispered again to myself for the last and he held me again for another minute and the bell tolled.

It’s time.

The ceremony is held on the beach. The sun, almost touching the sea is a breathtaking sight. I stood along with the bridesmaids and saw Ryan standing there, just a picture of a man so in love. I smiled at his sight. The man I once loved, maybe it’ll take some time to move on. I will just wait ‘til its time. And then there’s the bride. My Sarah, so beautiful in her flowing white dress. From where I stand, I could tell she was looking at me and that undoubtedly Sarah’s genuine smile lifted me up. It was like we read each other’s mind. I nearly cheered and clapped at her presence. She walked her walk. With the enchanting song at the background, I closed my eyes. For the last time, I just felt the moment…full of love. My love for Ryan is still strongly there, and this time, no more pain. Just love. Somehow, I felt like the sun has slowly set with me. I could almost hear its sound. Maybe after this sunset, I can now sleep, and when I wake up, I will learn to fly again.