The Holy Family:Episode I

The following conversation took place in God’s house.  No, not your local church—the real one, up in heaven.  Besides, God can have any house imaginable. Do you really think that the ‘Alpha and the Omega’ would ever hang his hat at a place as drab as your place of worship?  Not to mention, he could stay anywhere in the universe—or outside the universe for that matter.  It seems a little sanctimonious of you to claim that your church is God’s house.  With all the churches in the South land, the guy has got to be a rambler.  He has a lot of houses; however, he lacks recorded conversations.  The following conversation took place between the ultimate Father and Son duo.  Let’s listen, shall we:

God: 
How was your day, Jesus?

Jesus:   
Boring, I knew exactly what was going to happen well before it ever took place.

God: 
Sounds real neat.


Jesus:
Yeah, well it wasn’t.  Being perfect is nothing like it seems.  In fact, it sucks.  Nothing exciting ever happens to me.  I have no friends at school and I never get invited to the “Happy Hunting Ground.”

God: 
What if I took you?


Jesus:
It’s not the same, Dad.

God:
You’re just going to have to make some friends.


Jesus: 
No one wants to be friends with me.  All the kids are scared that if they make one wrong move around me, then you’ll banish them to a fiery lake for two thousand years.

God:
Hey!! I was having a bad day.  And besides, I think everyone agrees that were better off without Lucifer around.


Jesus: 
It’s not just Lucifer, Dad.  Are you forgetting about Adam?  I mean c’mon,
Dad.  Over a freakin’ apple?

God: 
Just drop it, Jesus.  I’m tired of hearing you complain.  You’ve got it made here, son.  You sleep on Cloud Nine.  You’re the Son of God, the King of Kings.  It doesn’t get any better than that.


Jesus: 
It gets old, Dad. You wouldn’t understand.  You’ve never been my age.

God:
I’ll be back….I’ve got to make rain. (toilet flushes in the distance and God sits back down)  Alright, listen.  I’ve been thinking about what you’ve said.  And I’ve decided to spice things up for you? How does that sound?


Jesus:
Really?  Are you going to teach me a plague?

God: 
Of course not.  And I thought I said to drop the “temper” subject.


Jesus:
Well, what then?

God:
Son, you’re going to Earth….as a mortal.


Jesus: 
A mortal?

God: 
Hear me out, now.  You’ll be allowed a few powers.  This is what I foresee in your future….
(After about an or so of explaining to Jesus his duties on Earth—from Christmas to the Ressurection—the conversation continued)


Jesus:
I don’t know, Dad.  That sounds pretty awful.  Am I going to be in pain on the cross?

God:
Oh yeah!! Not to mention the walk there.  Boy, they are going to lay into you.  Ouch!!



Jesus:
Will I have any friends?

God:
Sure, twelve of them.  Wait, eleven. 


Jesus:
What if I don’t want to go?

God:
Too bad.  I bet you’ll quit complaining about your life’s lack of excitement.


Jesus: 
This is so unfair.  This is the worst you temper’s ever been.

God:
Is that right?  Well, now you’ll be born in a barn surrounded by animals
because I just booked every room at the Inn.