Journal from Gaia Online

Welcome to the Balagan.
This is where the hidden person, behind the titles Mom, Wife, and Registered Nurse, comes to write down those things no one thinks they'd care to read. Some are sad, some are funny, and some are pieces of my books. READ ON AT YOUR OWN RISK.





As my first post in journals will tell you, I have a writer's page. Well, I can check out where those ones who have viewed my page have found it. The last person to view my Gaia stuff on that page had come from Ask.com and their question was "what do parents think of Gaia?" Of course, it is no secret that as a non-traditional Gaian who has children, I too had to consider this question several months ago. I took the stance of get to know for your self. So at the request of my youngest, I made a Gaia account, ie slichick. As a Mom, I have seen things I do and don't like on Gaia. But for the most part, Gaia is like anything else online that children and adults have access to. I feel Gaia does an adequate job of informing its users (large part of which are below the age of 18 ) against the dangers they can face online. This does not absolve me, the parent, of discussing the things I come across on Gaia or else where online, that may be harmful or hazardous to them. Hope this might be of help to some other parent. Oh, I forgot to warn you, I sometimes get on the old soap box, but I'm through with it now.
PostPosted by: Slichick Wed May 28, 2008 @ 06:07pm



Once again I need to write for my sanity, I learned this morning that my newest hospice patient past away on Saturday. This patients situation has been very hard on me. This is the first hospice patient I have had that was younger than me. He was a 37 yr old veteran of the Persian War (the 1st war in Iraq). The Veterans Administration paid for the hospice so the diagnosis was related to his service. He died from Cancer of the brain. This in itself is tragic, let alone that he leaves an eleven yr old son and wife.The kicker here is that his wife is four months pregnant. She never told us nurses,but luckily she did confide in the counselor. I worry for her. The stress of pregnancy, loss of a spouse and being a single mother; her strength will be tested to the fullest. I'm not sure I could do it.
I'm not sure how much longer I will be able to continue working in hospice. I'm having lots of trouble not bringing them home with me. It's so hard to find the middle ground. Oh goddess.
Last year about this time, I had a patient that taught me more about myself than he or his wife would ever know. He was a 57 yr old, pulmonary fibrosis patient. He too had gotten his fatal disease from his job. He was a father of two grown girls and had three grandchildren. He called me his angel. (Those of you who know me, know I'm no angel.) He's condition essentially was his lungs and heart stopped working right and he filled up with fluid. Starting at his feet and moving up his body(knees, thighs, abdomen and finally his lungs and heart). His wife told me that he loved for me to come, not because I would give him the shots that would sometimes make him feel better, but because when I was there he told her he knew everything would be alright. But that is just it, there is nothing I can to to make any of it alright. The hospice counselor tries to re-enforce that when we help them through the dying process, it does "make it right" for them. I will never forget toward the end of his life, he wasn't sleeping much. He told me he was afraid to go to sleep because he might never wake up. I use to sit on the floor beside his chair, so he was looking down at me when he said that. I took his hand in mine and just sat there while he composed himself. After a few minutes with unshed tears in his eyes, he told me all of his fears: for his wife, his kids and grandkids, everything that kept him up at night. I listened in silence, tears rolling down my cheeks, just holding his hand, because frankly I knew nothing else to do. When he finished, a single tear rolled down his cheek. He reached over and got a Kleenex and handed it to me, saying , "Little angel, thank you." I asked him why he was thanking me, because I had done nothing. "No, S, you have just lifted a weight from my shoulders by being here to listen to me. I needed to tell someone all my worries, and I couldn't tell my wife because she has so much on her already and the girls have there own problems." He did ask me to do one thing for him that day that I was able to do. He asked me to make sure he didn't pass away at the house because he knew his wife could not live there if he did. Three weeks later, I sent him to the hospital. He passed away the next night. His wife told me later, that right before he died, after he said goodbye to his girls and her, he told her to tell me: "Thank you, little angel, for all you did and for letting me sleep with a peaceful mind," that I would know what he meant. He took a few more breathes and was gone.
It's weird when those things will pop up in your mind. Sorry to be so melancholy today, but I hope the circumstance will allow you to forgive me this.
PostPosted by: Slichick Mon May 12, 2008 @ 05:57pm


Once again here I am jabbering. I have found that writing is often theraputic for me. I deal often with traumatic issues, being a Hospice Nurse. Since I picked up the patient I wrote about in the January entry, I have gotten two more Hospice patients. The one with Cancer[CA] with mets to brain is still with us. And the second one has end stage Alzhiemer's Disease, while the newest one has diagnosis of cancer,although cirrhosis of the liver is what will more than likely get this one faster.
The thing that amazes me the most about these patients and their loved ones, is how strong they are. Also a note to the side for all you Gaians, young ones and elderly alike. Talk to someone close to you about what you would want to have and not have done to you if....(any traumatic situation happens to you).

This past weekend, I was thrown even further out of the comfort zone than dealing with those who have been told they have a limited amount of time to live.
Let me start by telling you that I live in a low to lower-middle class neighborhood. Although several of us own our homes, there are several rent houses. The house across the street is a rent house. The couple, who I now know were not married, had live there for several months and often choose to air their arguements in the front yard. But this weekend, her screaming was different and being the nosey neighbor, I watched him very aggressively pull and shove her back into the house. This worried me and so I spoke with my husband then called 911 and requested they send police officer.
After making this phone call, I went back to my spraying weed killer in the yard, while my husband did his music stuff in house. Not long after pick up where I had left off, I again heard the woman across the street scream, only this time she was screaming about getting the knife. Again Nosey Neighbor that I am, I watched her run around to the side of their house, at this point I notice there was a car stopped in the road that ran on that side of the house and another male neighbor was walking over. I walked down the road to where I could see and saw someone laying prone on the ground and the woman was screaming "I wanted him gone but I didn't want him dead." I noted she had a knife in one hand and rope in the other. The two men were standing gawking. I ran up and as I came up to them, the woman dropped the knife and rope and bent down to where I had gotten on my knees to assess the man's situation. I could see the rope marks on the man's neck where he had tried to hang himself. I noted that he was already starting to swell and although he had a pulse and was labored breathing, he was breathing on his own. Also not knowing if he had broke any vertebra, and that the swelling would only continue and could eventually cut-off his airway I did a jaw thrust to open his airway to it's optimal. I told the lady to call 911 for an ambulance since I already knew police were on their way. At this point, she picked up her cell phone, and we all saw the policeman(Stacy) walk around the corner of house. He called for back up and an ambulance related to attempted suicide. I identified myself to him and let him know I was a nurse. I also told him that the household had children but I had not seen them. Stacy questioned the woman who said the children were inside. He directed her to go check on them and leave knife with him. He questioned me as to were I worked and identified himself as a former EMT for the local ambulance service. As we waited for the ambulance, the man's neck did continue to swell and he eventually started to have seizure activity going tonic-clonic. The ambulance did finally make it and started him on O2 then valium related to seizure activity. He was transported to the hospital. I found out that the man had had the woman and her three kids locked in house all day and she had gotten out the door only when he let his guard down and turn his back to get a cigarette. I have mixed feelings about what I did. I'm glad I was outside and heard her scream and did not shrug it off, but I'm not sure that helping the man, even minimally though it was, was right. But I was legally bound to do it, by the State Board of Nurse and State Law, because I can be fined, lose my nurses' license, and/ or be sued if I see an accident and refuse to assist until emergency medical arrive.

An aside note, although I do not know the man's condition at the hospital, he did live.
Post Permanent Link Slichick · Mon Mar 19, 2007 @ 9:42 pm · 0 Comments [add]





Well I've joined a few guilds. This is my profile at Demon'd Haven Bar and Inn.


Name Eldárwen Aldaríon, but my nickname is Panya
Race My mother was a human witch and father was an elf
Age 22
Weapons/Abilities magick and urumi
Personality I have been taught not to trust anyone, but if I consider you my friend I am very loyal and care deeply
History Both my parents were killed twenty earth years ago. I was taken in by Trevor, a reclusive wizard and master of arms. He taught me both magick and sword play, but I am a mistress of the urumi, a multi bladed sword worn around the waist as a belt when not in use. Trevor is the one who nicknamed me Panya(Eygptian for mouse) because I am small and rezealant, and can be places and no one know I'm there. I have a Marten named Karimah. Trevor has recently told me of my legacy that was why my parents were killed by a band of demons. I am trying to find the one who sent them to get the amulet of the sun.
Appearance
Played By Slichick
Role Play Sample As the big demon entered the bar, Panya slipped in behind him and into the corner. She had heard of this place, Demon'd Haven Bar & Inn.
Trevor had told me to consult the demon who owned this place, Penten Macuga.I scanned the bar to assess who was there before I approached the bar.
Post Permanent Link Slichick · Thu Feb 22, 2007 @ 9:32 pm · 0 Comments [add]





I recieved a PM from Senor Azteca earlier asking what the meaning of life is so he could know what to live for well hear is my answer to him:


Dear Senor

Firstly, thank you for buying my flowers.
Now as to the meaning of life and knowing what to live for, I can only say what I have found is my meaning of life. The meaning of life to me and what I live for has changed over the years. When I was a child it changed from one want to the next, as I got older and began to look at myself, I saw the selfish child and tried to turn her into someone better(All to often selfish child does raise to top but doesn't stay for long). That something better included becoming a nurse and about the same time a wife. Both of which I have and continue to struggle to be better at. Then came being a mother. Although, this is often hard it is what I live for the most at this time.
Basicly, the meaning of life is what we make of it(religiously or secularly) and what we live for is first and foremost what we feel is worth living for. Good luck on your travel through life. Know always that, basicly people are decent and caring, don't let the few ruin what the whole has made.

May peace and love always be with you
And my prosperity find you, but not run you over

Enough rantings from this elderly Gaian icon_4laugh.gif
Post Permanent Link Slichick · Thu Feb 01, 2007 @ 6:17 pm · 0 Comments [add]





As I have mentioned before I am a nurse. Home Health and Hospice. It's been a one of those weeks. I got a new Hospice patient, brain cancer. Or I should say the patient has metastases[mets] to the brain. They don't even know where the original cancer is, but the patient already had end stage[COPD] Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease(can't breath well), so they are not going to do anything. icon_crying.gif
I haven't felt like write on my book since Xmas. I hoping to get to that SOON. Check out my book at the link on my last entry and let me know what you think.
Boys are back in school and both have science project or papers due soon. Joy!Joy! icon_rolleyes.gif
Post Permanent Link Slichick · Sun Jan 14, 2007 @ 9:38 am · 0 Comments [add]





I remember when I was young and had to write a paper for school about something. I couldn't think of anything and sat writing "I have nothing to say. I have nothing to say....." until the page was almost full. The teacher came over and looked at the page and said, "Oh "Slichick," you are wrong. You do have something to say, even when you say nothing, because if you truely had nothing to say, you would have left the page blank." Now you can't shut me up. I speak (or write as it were) even when no one wants to hear what I have to say. My job, as a nurse, helps out with my love of speech. I am a Home Health/Hospice Nurse. I get to go to peoples homes and teach them or their family members how to take care of the patient or themselves at home, either to get well or help them and their family through the dying process. But it has also taught me that you can say alot by saying nothing.
So I have nothing to say and everthing to say and whether you stick around to hear( or in this case read) it, is up to you?

For those of you who might want more ramblings(on the fantasy side) try my writer page:
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/user_id/loranutt
Post Permanent Link Slichick · Mon Jan 08, 2007 @ 9:39 pm · 0 Comments [add]