Vacation Palpitations

Vacation Palpitations – Tamed by “Oh Susanna”

Well, here it is folks…vacation time; school has emancipated the future generation to the older generation for a summer of pleasant vegetation, or so we may think. We brace ourselves for the first day of summer, one of the longest days of the year. It’s still somewhat light out as I write and it’s 8:38 PM. Marvelous! Doesn’t get any better than this…right?

I myself am planning for vacation beginning this Saturday. I know all of you have gone through this drill. One must make sure everything is precisely aligned…work/home/bills/plants/packing/car tune-up/bike tune-up, etc., etc.

Today is my grand-daughter Hailey’s tenth birthday. I called to announce I’d be stopping by with a gift. Mind you, my daughter and her husband have so graciously bestowed upon me four of the most adorable but somewhat complex children. I’m already a stress bucket from trying to accomplish all the things on my list of “To Dos” and just thought I’d pay a visit to heighten my senses and remind me of why vacations are sooo necessary. I stop by their house to find out that their Mom and Dad are gone for the week, tending to Country Fest in Oshkosh where my daughter handles all the refreshments, staff, and bookkeeping. To my amazement I meet the babysitter, Tabby…a young college student prepared for battle, baths, and boy friendlessness. I’m amazed, after almost an entire day of this ordeal…she still manages to crack a sincere smile! Of course it is only Day One of her indentured ness.

The kids are at the dinner table eating what seems to be a Mexican feast. They are all in their swim suits topped with mop-like wet hair. I look at the two oldest girls and they are sportin’ vampire dark mascara which is dripping down their faces…reminded me of the band “Kiss” for a fleeting moment. They of course are all talking at once, each one trying to out-speak the other in terms of octave, the phone is ringing and I answer it and someone’s knocking on the front door…ear plugs should be a prerequisite and a valium cocktail wouldn’t hurt, but I’m pretty certain it’s frowned upon within the books of Dr. Spock.

During the short time that I was there…I must have listened to a least a dozen arguments, fifty Hollywood cries of pain and suffering inflicted from vicious siblings, at least twenty renditions of “Oh Susanna” on the birthday girl’s flute, and most certainly a half a dozen cries from the little one “Hayden,” how she HATED Dora the mermaid. It seemed rather odd as the babysitter was just saying how she was pretending to be a mermaid in the swimming pool and I know for a fact she’s been sportin’ Dora fashion since she was a tadpole!

There’s one outdoor voiced boy in the family…Tanner…who insists on tattling, torturing, and temper tantruming his way into and out of every corner. The “save by the nick of the time” door knock was that of an angel…a rescuer of sanity, a saint of a sports mom, who was there to pick up Tanner for T-ball; Tanner, who is donned in nothing but a swimsuit and Mexican food. The sitter looks at me and testifies, “Oh my God, I guess I forgot.” She rushes to the door promising to have Tanner spit shined in two minutes. I look at my watch and think it’s impossible but nonetheless pray she makes it to the finish line. She and Tanner sprint to his bedroom and I am serenaded by the commotion of closet and dresser drawer, amongst another two renditions of “Oh Susanna.”

Surprisingly she bolts to the front door almost under the two minute warning with baseball uniformed child; still bare foot, clutching his glove, spikes, and socks like blanket, bottle, and binky. He yells with that adorable Tarzan-like voice of his…”My bat, my bat, I must have my bat.” The angel of mercy is losing patience…but the sitter implores her to wait one more minute while she sprints downstairs promising to meet her on deck by the car.

The other three are still positioned at the kitchen table. Hailey’s opening her present and embellishes me with “Oh I love it!” then tosses the clothing back in the bag and picks up the flute for another try at “Oh Susanna.” Hannah (second oldest) is announcing she has yanked her loose tooth out. She runs to the bathroom; we rush to view the gapping crevice that’s dripping blood. She’s pretty impressed with her success and I asked her “when’s the tooth fairy coming?” She’s simplifies it…”when’s Mom and Dad coming home?” I guess euthanizing the Tooth Fairy means nothing to a child who thinks they are fast approaching the front side of puberty. I personally was crushed. Meanwhile, Hayden is still reciting the “Oh How I HATE Dora Creed,” as she scribbles (within the lines) fervently. Hailey proceeds to again play “Oh Susanna.” I hear Hannah in the bathroom running the shower. She must be washing off the gallons of blood she lost from the extraction. She’s destined for doctor-hood.

The sitter has now re-entered through the front door and leans against it as if holding back the demons. I grin at her and tell her to listen…semi quiet…no pins are dropping, but I think the wind up has finally wound down.

I bid them all farewell as I still had the “To Do” of finishing the newsletter for July. Hailey insisted upon an encore, but this time actually amazes me with a small Mozart piece. I was thrilled at her versatility and applauded her talent. I again said my goodbyes and left with a satisfied smile. As I pulled out of their drive-way I heard the faint flute of “Oh Susanna” one more time. I made a mental note to check back with the sitter tomorrow – Day Two – to see if she’s still alive and hopefully singing “I Will Survive.” I cranked up my radio to an obnoxious intoxicating high of rock music and thought to myself…”yep, vacations are sooo necessary to relax.”

I can’t wait to get away and pedal 500 plus miles…humming “Oh Susanna.”