Once, an angel

I had a husband once,
dread the word and run away -
he opened my eyes and cursed my sight
My brain, my head scream at the
remembered times.
He broke me, hatred
felt for the first - time
won't heal the scars he dared
inflict; eternal echoing screams of pain.
I loved him! He destroyed
me...I destroyed myself. In my head
the lingering thoughts are
unescapable
although I try to flee.
I need him still.
I cannot run - He haunts my dreams
with happy times! I cannot turn
away. He gave me joy (again
the first) - with love complete,
completely
destroyed all peace of mind.

He was a soldier when I met him. I
loved him from the first unending glance -
when eyes met,
so opposite.
He was everything I'd never been, and
could be everything
I never would. I loved him for it.
Needed him to be it. When
we made love the world ceased and heavens
melted for us!...
We played. I'd never played
before, like that - childhood sweethearts
or the best of friends. I trusted
him, myself with him. Storms
galloped around us in frenzied
stampede. There was no fear. He was
a man.
Never before, nor not once since have
those words described a male in my
company. Worlds stretched before -
We would conquer! Till
he conquered my body
then spirit; my world. He bent me
to his will, then
he lost his will - to love, to live
Then tossed away everything.

I begged him. I
was on my hands and knees
sobbing, begging, pleading forgiveness;
I had committed no crime. No sin
from my lips was passed, but
the pledge of myself. And he took
myself, my reality, the ground -
from my feet - I floated
in his dreamworld
A waif; I danced to the music
he told me I heard. Twisted, charmed
the snakes weave to the Piper's
song.

You took away my desire. You
took away my love! You tore from me
my sanctuary
And left me anyway.

I was your silver angel. I watched
o'er you midst silver wings and
sunstreamed rays of golden
Hope. Unconditional
my love of you a flame encased
in glass, protected
in life giving light 'midst cyclone's howl.
But You shattered the glass in every fit
of brutal rage, you beat
upon it till finally - Burst! and now
Bloodied form adrift (where wings
once graced the strongest
back and dirt smeared face
and circled eyes where once - grace -
smiled, joy's tears), broken
spine which once arched beneath! Rising
smoke drenched, haunting waif
borne.