Memiors of a Mentality

this is a prison
don’t hold me in don’t hold me back
don’t keep me here

I am worth so much more than
this I will
not be here forever

this is not going to be my prison
I make my prison
I make my prison in my own mind
and I will not
let these walls become it

and so I am freeing myself from the
walls the locks and chains and
endless body checks and I
am gritting my
teeth to the grain and biting
the hand that starves
me that holds me back

and I am not crazy
not insane not begging for relief
not a danger
to society

so this prison
hospital
prison
is not my keeper

you can lock the doors and hold the keys
and know the combinations
but I know so much more than you

I know that paper gowns and sweat
suits cannot hold me back from
my destruction
I know where to hide these things you keep from me
how to keep them with me
and you cannot take my tools away
I know that pain is gain and hunger hurts
and that for a short while I can
pull the wool over your eyes can
fuck you over and
I can get you fired

because I know the rules
you may have put me here against
my will against my wishes
but that does not mean that I
have no control

I can fuck you over
I can fuck myself over
and you can do shit to stop me

try restraints try force-feeding try to
drug me into oblivion but
I will always break free

I know the rules
I know how to break the rules
rules are meant to be broken and
I do not need them I don’t
need any of this

this is a prison
hospital
prison
and
stuck here I will
break free
I will break free if only in
my mind and I will be completely free and
I will not care

I will not think about
any of it
I refuse to care because
I cannot and I am turning
myself over to destruction

because you will not let me out
and I will not
let myself in