neon straw

Sometimes it felt like i was two people. Not inside myself, or the who i was. I never pretended to be someone else for eachperson i was. the difference was In my surroundings in my environment, i was two different people. Let me begin with the first girl and her environment. Erika Jae Lewis. Thats what i have always been known as. My life as a child, well i can't say it was perfect. I can't say i have one family trip to the beach memory or even a holiday dinner memory without an argument and a splash of bitterness. However, i can say no matter how unperfect or far from even relatively normal my childhood was i couldn't seem to let go. It was always there in my mind. the good and the bad times. Times wehen my brother, cousins and i would make up games that filtered our summer days. games such as "where were someone" a game in which we each chose a person along with a personality to be. it was a chance we got to be someone a game where we were someone special. where were someone. It seemed like they had all moved on. you know better things. The thoughts or talks of those days seem to come less and less to them. I still lived therein my head. i constantly lived in my head.
physically my body now lived in my first home out of thae place i grew up playing games. I think thats what made this summer so confusing, thats what i told myself then. later i would find out that that did have something to do with it but this confusion and chaoticness would not be passed after my first "move".
The house. It was something special. It reminded my of my old home. It was old, and the odd colors for a house of blue and red. Oh the times we had there. I was lost though. I laughed and enjoyed the times. Inside i was constantly screaming.