Bear Suit?

I don’t know if wearing a bear suit in the middle of a junkyard is the brightest of ideas, but I’m doing it anyways.  Well, really I don’t have much of a choice in the matter.  The damned thing won’t come off.  The zipper broke about an hour ago and I’ve been looking for this asshole ever since.

I’ve read the Gunslinger.  I know how this story ends.  I find what I’m looking for; the nexus of my world, and then everything starts over again.  Of course, there is always the wonderland rides between the beginning and the end. 

Ok, so the nexus of my world right now happens to be the punk that stole my unicycle.  Yeah, I know, bear on a unicycle.  Been done.  But it pays the bills and that’s good enough for me.

Anyway, why this joker chose to run through an abandoned junkyard just to get away from a guy in a bear suit I’ll never know.  He wouldn’t even be able to get more than fifty bucks out of that cycle and then only if he can find a kid with plenty of saved up lawn mowing money. 

He bolted like a deer when he realized I knew he had taken it.  Maybe, he doesn’t know it’s a suit.  That would be kind of funny, but it’s still hard as hell to run in this monster of a get up.  Not to mention the sweat, dear God, the sweat!  I think this suit gets heavier by the second.

The idiot doesn’t even know how to ride a unicycle, but he keeps trying.  God bless him.  That’s the only way I can track him.  The three-foot stretches of wobbling tire marks the genius leaves in the dirt every so often, like he’s practicing or something.  There’s one now.  Looks like he’s getting better.  Wait, no.  I lied.  Made it about five feet that time, but looks like he took a pretty nice spill around the well stacked pile of cars up ahead.

Chasing a man and running on all fours like this kind of makes me want to stop and sniff the ground.  I’ve been in this bear suit a little too long.  Next, I’ll want to cope a sit down behind a tree or something.  Wait, that’s not a good idea.  Remember it’s only a suit there Steve.  Yeah, a little water might be a smart choice soon, but I’ve got to find that unicycle first.  Can’t afford to buy another one and pay the rent.

He’s taken to dragging it behind him.  That’s good and bad.  If I have to replace any spokes on my baby I'm going to rip him to shreds.  Maybe he’s starting to drain.  Shouldn’t be long now.  Still feeling good myself.  I knew eating one less hot pocket a day would pay off sooner or later.  Ok, not every day.  They’re hot pockets for Pete’s sake.  And what’s better than sitting down after a long day of pretending to be a bear that has the uncanny ability to piddle around on a one-wheeled vehicle and munching down on a scalding hot, burn the roof of your mouth hot pocket.

“Stay focused, big man, stay focused.”

Haven’t seen any drag or practice marks for a while.  Damn it.  Better not have lost the little punk.  Not after over an hour of this.  This maze of a junkyard is starting to get to me.  I think I’ve seen that same rusted out Mazda about ten times already and how many freaking school buses break down every year.  There must be a hundred of them scattered about in this place.  Takes me back to when I was just a cub, riding the bus to the cave.  That hopeless air conditioner never worked.  Man, it’s hot.

“Steve, where the hell is your mind.”

'What the. . ?  That freaking bear is still chasing me?'

What was that?  Sounded like it came from the top of that truck up there.  Oh, there’s that fool now and he does think I’m a real boy.  I mean bear.  I’m not a bear, right?  I should growl at him.  See what happens.  City boys like us don’t have a clue what a real bear sounds like.

“GGGRRRRRR!”

That’s sweet.  He damn near flipped backwards off that truck.  Saved himself though.  Guess he’s got good balance.  I wonder why he can’t stay up on that unicycle.  Great balance or not, he’s a running.  Here we go again.  Will the chase scene ever end?

'Stay away from me, ya stupid bear!'

I wonder what he would do if I just started talking to him.  No, probably better to keep up the rues.  Wow.  That’s a complex word for a down home brown bear like myself.  I was educated in the best caves though.

Hold up, wait a minute.  I think that car I just passed still had the keys in it.  Couldn’t still run could it?  Would be a lot better than running. 

“Doubling back chief.”

Ok, stay calm, push the radiator aside and ignore the rats in the back seat.  One, two, three jackpot, baby.  Started on the first try.  Now I can chase that loser down in no time. 

Look at the expression on that boy’s face.  Man I wish I had a camcorder.  I know I could win a funniest video contest. 

Got to be a little careful with the gas pedal.  Can’t risk hitting him.  Might kill the nexus of my world.  Then everything really would start over again. 

“Jump over that tailpipe there buddy!  Good job.”  Hope he didn’t hear that.

'They taught the bear to drive!  Stay away from me...  Here!  Here take your stupid bike back!'

Took long enough.  Guess the bear suit helped.  I wonder if I would have got it back without it.  That’s a question for another time.  I should probably slow this junker down now.  The brakes are a little slow.  I don’t think the brakes are working!

“This car has no brakes!  This car has no brakes!”…

              *******************************************

“Oh, my God, my head hurts.  Feels like I’m spinning . . . and what is that smell?”

“Where am I?”

“Is that an elephant over there?”

“What are those bars?  I’m in a cage...”

“I don’t know how I got here, but I’ll find a way out somehow.”