single gal musings

I'm still single, which is actually fine with me, but the problem is when you're single in your 30's, I can't get away from that whole... "she's either psycho or a lesbo." And to that I say... okay, sure... clearly a little psycho, but the only bush I like is my own. Which is actually lucky for me considering I'm the only one loving on it lately. People are always like, "Bullshit, bitch... you could get laid if you want to." That's a true statement for anyone with a vagina, so let me just clarify... For men it's quantity, for women it's quality. And ladies, let's face it... it totally sucks. You're riding your sexual peak, yet you're pickier than ever. I'm so hard up I will actually set the mood to put in a tampon. I'm up in the bathroom lighting candles, jamming some Marvin Gaye... "Let's get it on." I rip the wrapper off with my teeth. Now I recommend a plastic applicator. Trust me, there's a reason those toys aren't made out of cardboard. I'm so hard up I go to the gynecologist just to get some strange. I'm up in the stirrups winking at my Doctor. "You don't need the gloves, I'm clean." "Hey... would you leave that thing in while you do my breast exam?" Poor Doc... She tried to be patient with me... She was like, "Ma'am... what did I say about the wiggling? No, you may not flip over. Absolutely not."