The Imagination of Dora Miles

THE IMAGINATION OF DORA MILES

It was crowded in the station and the static of hundreds of voices reverberated off of the walls.  Dora bumped into people as she tried to make her way to the train.  She didn’t stop to excuse herself when she squeezed between a large family saying their good-byes.  Somewhere overhead a voice was making rapid announcements in French. The train whistled and the noise of the crowd grew louder and more frenzied.

Dora eyed the conductor at the door of the train; she wasn’t too far, she’d be on the train soon.  A young man stepped into her line of sight.  “Why ze long face, mademoiselle?” He smiled as his eyes looked up and down at Dora.  She bumped into him as she passed, and he fumbled back a couple of steps.  “What iz ze hurry, mademoiselle?  There iz still time for us!”
         
Her heart raced, but she did not dare look behind her, she did not dare stop.  “Dora!  Dora!” A voice cried amidst the voices of the crowd. “Dora!”  Dora didn’t look back.  A lump hardened in her throat and tears began to fill her eyes, making the people in the station and the train look distorted.

“Dora!”  She could hear him calling.

She was only a few steps away from the train, a few more steps and she’d be safely in a compartment and on her way out of Paris, never to return.  The conductor smiled at her when he saw her pushing through the crowd, getting closer.  She reached for the rail to step up onto the train, but a hand seized her wrist and pulled her away. 

“Dora! Please don’t leave!”

“Let me go!” Dora tried to pull herself out of his grip.

“No! Not until you let me explain!” He grabbed her by the shoulders, his dark hair was falling in his eyes and a soft breeze carried the musky scent of his cologne. “Yes, it is true, I have loved many women, many women from all over the world, but you, my love, my darling sweet Dora, you are the only woman for me.  I see that now.  I have traveled the world and have had many women throw themselves at me. I never cared to love only one woman; I was wild and careless, but all of that changed the moment I first saw you, my darling sweet most beautiful Dora.”

“Oh, Paul.” Dora’s eyes blinked away her tears and she couldn’t help but smile.

“Don’t go to Italy. Stay with me here in Paris.  I will take care of you.  Don’t leave me, Dora.  I will die without you, Dora.” He pulled her towards him. “Dora,” he repeated as he leaned forward, his lips getting closer to hers. “Dora…Dora…”

“Dora!” he said in a woman’s voice.

Paul’s face blurred and distorted. The train station faded. All disappeared into complete whiteness, with only the blinking of a tiny black line.

“Dora! Hellooo?”

Dora stared at a blank computer screen.

“Dora, can you hear me?”

Dora looked up at her co-worker leaning over the wall of her cubicle, a Dilbert “Let me drop everything and work on your problem” coffee mug dangling from her fingers.

“Oh, yeah, sorry Marge,” Dora said, shaking her head.

“You looked a thousand miles away!”

Dora brushed her hair from her eyes. “I was…I was concentrating on my work.” 

“Oh.” Marge glanced over at the blank computer screen. “Well, I just wanted to warn you…You’re next.”

“Oh, no.” Dora felt she could throw up the low-carb bagel with fat free cream cheese she had for breakfast.  “So, have you gone in yet?”

“No, but Bob in accounting came out crying and then cleaned out his desk.  He left in a hurry, but he did stop to give Charlie his singing gopher.”

Dora gaped at her.  “They fired Bob?” Dora imagined poor Bob, in his red bow tie, shorter than everybody else in the office, sobbing as he came storming out of Mr. Strickland’s office.

“He really did love that stupid thing.” Marge stared off towards Bob’s empty cubicle.
Dora sat up, straightened her shirt and then readjusted her ponytail that had come loose.

“That stupid singing gopher,” Marge said choking back tears.

“DORA MILES!”

*    *    *
Dora sat across from Mr. Strickland, her leg swinging back and forth out of nerves. 

“Dora, first of all, I would like to say how pleased I am with your performance.”

“You are?” Dora’s leg stopped swinging.

“Yes, however there are a few things, minor things, that I would like to go over with you.”

“Okay.”

“While you exhibit great potential, I feel that you are…how should I say…not living up to what you are capable of.”

“Okay.” Dora nodded as she tugged at a loose string from the hem of her shirt.

“And while you are quiet and attentive, I feel that sometimes…you….you are not really here with us.”

“Okay.”

“There are a lot of changes going on in the company and the future of many people in this company hinges on things that are going on today, you see?”

“I think I do.”

“How is the purchasing report coming along?"

“Good…There are just a few more comparisons and numbers I have to punch in.”  She forced a smile.  “I’m almost finished.”

“Great, I’m glad to hear that.” Mr. Strickland flashed his bright white teeth.  “You see, we are restructuring, weeding out.  Really looking closely at what is needed and well, what isn’t needed, ‘kay?”

Dora stood up. “You know what? I don’t need this job!”

Mr. Strickland’s smile faded and his bottom lip trembled. “Wha…what?” 

“I’ve had enough!”

“But…but we need you here Dora!” Mr. Strickland dropped to his knees. “You can’t leave!”

“Oh, but I am!” 

“We’ll give you a raise…double your salary!…FOUR WEEKS VACATION!”

“It’s too late, Joe! You had your chance, but you blew it!”  Dora turned to leave.

“You’ll regret this Dora Miles!  You’ll regret the day you left here!”  All of the anger and frustration lurking under the surface was tapped and she lost all sense of what she was doing.  She turned around and punched him in the right cheek.

“So, we’ll see how things go, ‘kay?”

Dora stared at him a second before coming back to her senses. “Okay,” she nodded.

“How ‘bout having that report on my desk by five o’clock today, ‘kay?”

“No problem.”

When the door shut behind her, some people turned to look at Dora and others stood to look at her from over the walls of their cubicle. Marge stopped talking to whomever she was talking to on the phone, while other phones were ringing off their hooks.  As Dora sat down she could hear a procession of sighs followed by sounds of papers shuffling and people talking and answering their phones.

She slid her chair up to her computer, stretched, popped her fingers, and shook out her shoulders. 

“Okay, purchasing report…purchasing report…concentrate…”

“Oh,” said a voice from behind.  Dora looked over her shoulder and saw Ellen Parsons looking down at her, her lip curled up in the corner. “I didn’t think you’d still be here.”

“Why?” Dora asked. Ellen stood thin and tall, her waist so small, Dora was sure she could wrap her hands around it and have her fingers touch. Her breasts were round and full, with always an inch or so of cleavage exposed. Dora never saw her ever fix her hair or retouch her makeup.  It was like she was always perfect, with no effort.

“No reason,” she shrugged, “I’m surprised Joe hasn’t fired more people, but I guess it is still early…” She stared off and flipped her hair so it whipped and bounced down her shoulders.  Ken in sales eyed her as he walked by, and Steve, who sat in the cubicle across from Dora, stared at her from over the rim of his coffee cup.  “Tomorrow, the efficiency expert is coming in, we’ll see how things go then.  I’m sure he’ll convince Joe to get rid of some of the losers around here.” She smirked at Dora again before prancing off.

Dora scowled after her, then turned back to the computer.  She stared at the blank screen, the cursor blinking.

Purchasing report…Hmmm, I can do this, she thought.  I do this all of the time.  Every single day.  All day. Eight hours a day…I need a coffee break, yes, that is what I need.  Once I get a decent cup of coffee then I can sit down and get some work done.  Yes, then I will sit down and concentrate and write the best damn purchasing report Mr. Strickland has ever seen.  Yes, that’s it.  After my coffee of course.

It was a quarter past ten when Dora stepped into the crowded coffee shop.  Her heart was pounding. She almost turned to leave, losing her nerve, but she was worried he had already seen her.

So Dora fought her way, bumping and squeezing, through the maze of tables and chairs, all filled with people trying to drink their coffee or read their paper, and up to the back of the line.  There were two blonde women in front of Dora, flirting and laughing with the man behind the counter. Although Dora could not see his face, as the blondes were in her way, she could see the top of his dark hair and hear his laugh.  The sound of it made the hair on her arms tickle her skin.

“You are coming to the party Friday, aren’t you?” one of the blondes asked.

“I can’t. I have plans,” the man answered.

“You always have plans Paul!”

From behind, someone knocked into Dora causing her to stumble a couple of steps into one of the blondes. “Sorreee,” Dora said. The blonde looked invaded, but shook it off. She and her friend excused themselves and disappeared into the swelling crowd. Dora straightened up and shook her hair out of her eyes. Just then her eyes met his. He had dark hair and deep brown eyes that looked away almost shyly when he smiled.

“And what can I get for you today?” he asked.

“Um,” her throat got so tight she felt like she couldn’t swallow.  She glanced up at the menu and tried to act casual, “I’d like a large café latte with skim milk and a shot of caramel.”

“That’ll be three thirty-four.”

Dora fumbled with her wallet and handed him four crumpled dollar bills.  She looked at him and smiled, but he glanced from the register to some people laughing in the back of the cafe.

Paul handed Dora her change while telling the girl working with him what drink to make.  Then, looking right past Dora, he shouted, “Can I help who’s next?”

Dora was shuffled aside by the guy who ran into her.  She watched Paul while she waited for her coffee.  He smiled at some people passing by. He shouted, “Hey!” to those he knew. Never once did he notice a girl standing still in a swarm of people.

“Café latte?” The girl held up the cup and looked around despite the fact that Dora had been standing in front of her for the past two minutes.

“Right here.” Dora waved her hand in the air.

“Sorry.  Didn’t see you there.”

“Of course, you didn’t,” Dora said to herself.  She took the cup and turned to walk away.

“Hey!”

Dora turned around and froze when she locked eyes with his. 

“Smile!” Paul said smiling at her.  Dora blushed but before she could think of something to say Paul turned away and went back to work. 

Dora weaved her way through the crowd, feeling lightheaded and a little shaky. She pushed on the door with all of her strength and when she emerged on the other side she stepped into another world.

It was a large round room with glass windows that were as dark as onyx and high as old oak trees. A massive chandelier was dripping with thousands of iridescent crystals that shot rainbow colored reflections off of the walls. Dora’s high-heeled shoes clicked on the black and white checkerboard floor and her red satin gown ruffled against her legs.  The sound of violins and an orchestra of flutes and horns echoed against the walls. 

There was only one other person there in that room. 

They danced around in circles across the whole of the room.  He stared into her eyes and the smile never left his face. Not an inch of floor was left undanced upon and as he spun her around, again and again, the walls behind him became a blur and only his smiling face was left. The feeling that her stomach was being lifted and her feet leaving the ground made her gasp and smile, half-laughing.

Paul swung her around.  A man talking on a cell phone appeared from nowhere and bumped into her.  A crowd of people came from behind her, brushing by, oblivious to Dora and Paul.  Dora stopped dancing and looked at the many faces of people ignoring her as they passed by.

She walked against the crowds on the way back to work.  Smiling to herself, she accidentally knocked into someone, the man scowled at her as he walked by.  She glazed it over and thought about the ballroom somewhere far away with only him and her dancing around in circles.

*    *    *

“Hill-oooo!!” A voice sang in the receiver.

“Hi, Mom.”

“And how is the birthday girl?”

Dora lowered her voice, in fear that others in the office may hear. “My birthday is not until tomorrow.”

“Oooo, I know, but it’s not too early to start celebrating!”

“There’s nothing to celebrate.” Dora looked up over her cubicle and saw Marge huddled up in a group from marketing.  Marge and a couple of others looked up at Dora but turned away quickly when they saw Dora watching them.

“You don’t turn thirty every day!” her mother sang.

“Oh, God, do you have to remind me?”

“Sorry, sweetie. I am being insensitive, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re fine.” Dora sighed and relaxed back in her chair. “I’m just having a bad day.”

“I won’t bother you too much.  I just wanted to see if we could move our birthday lunch…you see, tomorrow…won’t actually be a good day for me.” Her mother’s voice trailed off to an almost inaudible whisper. “Something’s come up.”

“Fine, when do you want to go?”

“How about today?”

A couple of minutes later Dora hung up the phone and stared at the computer.
“How’s that report coming along?” Mr. Strickland called as he passed by.

“It’s coming!”

“Five o’clock!”

“No problem!”

She looked at the clock: 11:40.  She had managed to enter some dates and numbers into the computer, but the pile of purchase orders loomed in a teetering stack on the edge of her desk, waiting to be sorted and examined.

“Hey!”

Dora looked up. Daniel Brown smiled at her and waved his hand as if she was across the room.

“Oh, hi, Daniel.” She turned back to her computer.

“So, how is your day so far?”

“Fine.”

“Surviving evaluations?”

“Uh-huh,” Dora said over the tapping of her fingers against the keyboard.

“I was worried there for a second.  I came back from the bathroom and you were gone.  I was afraid you got sacked.”

“No, I just went for coffee.”  Dora said, picking up her latte and sipping it even though by now it was cold.

“Coffee…I like coffee…hm, Jumping Java’s…” he said reading the cup. “Is their coffee good?”

“Uh-huh.”

“May…be… we could go there and get a cup sometime.”

“Okay,” Dora shrugged.

“Great, great…How about later today?”

“Uh, today is not really a good day.”

“Oh, well, maybe tomorrow then.”

“Sure.”

“Great.  Tomorrow then.” He lingered for a second or two then turned and walked back to his cubicle.

*    *    *

“Your cousin Gina just got engaged. Isn’t that wonderful?” Dora’s mother asked as they stood in line at the cafeteria.  “They’re planning a June wedding!”

“That’s just a few months away,” Dora said while grabbing a plate with a jiggling orange Jell-O cube.

“Well, they have to. Gina has to go to France for her work in August and her fiancé has to go to Italy for a few weeks in July.  Did I tell you that Juliet is pregnant? Oh, Edna is so excited.  She asked about you – the ham please!” She smiled at the server behind the counter.  Dora looked at the food lined up in front of her and opted for the baked spaghetti with a side of broccoli.

They sat down at a table in the middle of the restaurant surrounded by tables with elderly couples eating their steamed cabbage, fried okra, and drinking their coffee.

“That’s a lovely shirt,” her mom said. “It really goes nice with your…” she looked up and down at Dora, “…hair color.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course, it is hard to tell you wear it back all of the time,” she shoveled mashed potatoes in her mouth.  “You know what color would look good on you? Red!  You should wear more red!”

“I don’t know. I don’t like red, it’s too…bright.”

“Yes, but bright is good!  It’s so much better than the colors…” she trailed off again looking at Dora’s shirt, “you normally wear.  You should go shopping with Gina!  She has such a great sense of style.  I can set it up, how’s that sound?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Her mother dropped her fork with a clatter.  “I am just trying to help.  You could be so pretty, if you just—”

“Can we not talk about this right now?”

“Fine.”

Dora ate a few bites of her Jell-O while her mom cut up her ham into small pieces.

“So, any big plans for your birthday?” her mom asked.

“No.”

“No? But why not? It’s your birthday!  You should go out with someone, have a good time!”

“There’s no one to take me out.”

“There has to be someone.”

“No,” Dora said, “there’s not.”

“I’ll take you out,” a man’s voice said.  Dora looked up. Paul was smiling down at her.

“There’s got to be someone that can take you out on your birthday!” her mom said, blind to Paul.  “You can’t spend your thirtieth birthday alone!”

Paul kneeled down to Dora’s level and raised a fork full of the spaghetti to her mouth.  She opened her mouth and closed her lips over the fork.

Dora closed her eyes as the fork slid from out between her lips. The bland flavor of the spaghetti was gone and replaced by rich tomatoes and spices. She chewed slow and didn’t open her eyes until she swallowed. 

Dora sat across from Paul in a dark corner of a small restaurant.  The only light came from the low burning candle placed in the center of the red and white checkerboard tablecloths.  A violinist swayed between tables, his eyes were half closed as he thrust the bow back and forth. 

Paul lifted the fork again, the thick pasta dangling and dripping with red sauce.  Dora opened her mouth and bit down.  As she chewed a tingling sensation filled her mouth and traveled down to her stomach. She barely opened her eyes when a glass of red wine, filled to the rim, was brought to her lips.  She took a gracious sip.  The wine was thick and Dora could feel a heated tingle in the apples of her cheeks. Paul lifted another fork full of food to her mouth.

A waiter came up and asked in Italian if they would want dessert.

“No, thank you,” Paul said.  “We will be having dessert alone tonight.”

“You can’t be alone! Certainly someone will take you out.  If you can’t get a man, then at least one of your friends. Dora, are you listening?”

Dora blinked.

Her mother stared at her. “Honestly!  You are so stubborn sometimes.”

*    *    *
The clock was going so slow that afternoon that Dora began to wonder if perhaps there was something wrong with it. It felt like she had been there for days.  The padded walls of her cubicle hovered over her and she was sure that the cubicle itself was smaller than it was before lunch.

At three o’clock she was only finished with about half of the report, and she found it difficult to sort through the stack of purchase orders and differentiate them as they began to look more and more the same.  Her neck was tense and her back began to ache.  The seat of her chair felt like it was made of cement and someone had turned up the AC making it freezing cold right where Dora sat since it was right under the vent.

She slipped on her cardigan sweater, shifted her bottom, stretched out her neck, and twisted her back.  It did little to make her more comfortable. She sighed and set her fingers on the keyboard, poised and ready to type. 

She could feel his hand running up her naked back, his fingertips pressing against her spine, her chest pressed up against his.  His lips following his tongue as he kissed her from the neck up to her cheek.  Dora slid her body up across his and his tongue moved from her cheek down to her neck and back up to her neck as she slid back down onto him.

Dora gasped. Steve across from her turned to stare. Squeezing her thighs together, Dora took a couple of breaths and excused herself to go to the bathroom.

She was still in a bit of a daze when she came out of the bathroom.  Thinking she could use a pick-me-up she considered running to the coffee shop, but decided against it when Mr. Strickland passed by and glanced at his watched.  Instead, she got a cup of the stale coffee from the break room.

She slipped back under the cold current of air and into her chair. She clicked on her radio dial and turned up the volume. “Since I don’t have you,” blared through the speakers.

Just knock it out and be done with it, she thought.  Knock it out…knock it out…The purchasing period from September to October shows increase…

“I don’t have plent-eee…and I…I…I…I don’t have hopes ‘n dreams…”

Dora swayed to the music, imagining a singer in a pastel blue suit with a set of his own doo-wap singers dancing by the watercooler.

“…I…I…I… don’t have anything, since…I don’t…have yooou…”

… spending in comparison to the previous spending period of July to August…He told me to smile…He actually said something to me, ME.  That must mean something, I mean, why else would he have said anything at all?  You just don’t tell a stranger to smile. 

“…Since I don’t have… you-hoo, you-hoo, you-hoo-hoo-hoooo…”

He was flirting, yes, he had to have been flirting.  That must mean that he likes me too.  It has to. 

A muffled cry snapped Dora to her senses.  She looked up to see Marianne Creevey, with her hand cupped over her mouth, rushing out of Mr. Strickland’s office. 

“…when you walked out on meeee… In walked in ole misereeee…”

People stood up to watch her and some rushed over to each other to start deliberating on what exactly went down behind the closed doors of Mr. Strickland’s office. Marianne came to a halt at her desk and gathered her collection of bright picture frames and her crochet pocketbook.  She nearly caused Marge to spill her coffee when she ran into her on the way out.

“Damn,” Marge shook her head.

“Another one bites the dust,” Dora heard a voice say.   

Dora looked at the clock and felt nauseous.  It was almost four o’clock and she still had half of the report to finish.  She swung herself around and typed whatever came to her head. 

A few minutes before five o’clock, Dora made her way to Mr. Strickland’s office.  He was on the phone arguing with someone and took the report from Dora’s hand with barely a nod before swiveling his chair away from her.

*    *    *
Dora took a deep breath and pulled opened the door.  The coffee shop was not as busy as it had been earlier that day, but Dora barely noticed as she walked in a trance-like state up to the counter.  He was not there, but he would come up from the back any minute, she thought.

She took her time deciding what to order and took extra care to count out all of the change needed for her double-shot hazelnut cappuccino.  She waited patiently for her drink to be made, taking extra care to appear cool and aloof, and took a few slow sips of her drink once it was handed to her.  And yet he never showed up.
The pounding in her chest subsided and was replaced by an empty pang in her stomach.  Dora turned while taking another sip and nearly spilled cappuccino down her shirt when she saw him.

He was sitting with a girl at a table near the entrance.  The two were leaning close to each other, talking in a whisper.  He placed his hand over hers and she smiled, tilting her head to the side.  Paul looked up and his eyes lingered right pass Dora.  He turned back to the girl he was with and said something briefly before he leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek.

It was stupid, Dora thought. Half in a trance, she walked home. People brushed past her, all of their faces distorted and judgmental.  What made me think that there was ever the possibility? Certainly not with me.

That night she gazed blankly at the TV, half paying attention as she ate her Lean Cuisine and potato chips.

Sometime after seven she turned off the TV and sank back into the cushions of the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. The only light came from a small lamp on the end table, casting red and purple reflections through the stained glass shade.  Dora pulled her fleece blanket over her head and closed her eyes onto blackness.

“Dora,” he whispered.  “Can you hear me, Dora?”

“I can hear you.”

“You can’t leave me Dora…Dora?”

“I’m still here.”

“I love you, Dora.” He began sobbing.  “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“What will I do without you, Dora?”

“You’ll survive.”

“No, I can’t, I won’t.”

“Promise you’ll never forget me.”

“I will never forget you.  I can’t live without you Dora…Please don’t die…Dora?…Dora?” 

Dora threw off the blanket and opened her eyes.  “No more! It’s just stupid! Stupid!”  She fought the tears that wanted to well up, blinking them away. “I have to stop,” she whispered. 

She looked at the room around her. Despite the beloved belongings she had around her, the room felt empty and cold and the silence didn’t isolate her from the world but reminded her of how frightened of it she was.

The alarm clock by the bed glowed 10:30 when Dora crawled under the covers.  She set the alarm for six and felt her stomach give a familiar lurch when she thought about having to go back to work the next day. 

She turned off the bedside lamp and was plunged into darkness. Turning on her side, she wondered how she would get through the next day.  She had been there five years doing the same job every day, every minute of every day, every second of every hour.

Dora pulled the covers up to her chin. She took a deep breath to try to rid her skin of the jabbing anxiety tightening around her.  As she exhaled she closed her eyes and her body began to relax as she drifted off to sleep.

Somewhere in the distant she could hear a crowd of voices, the sound of a train horn blowing…

And a man shouting, “Dora!”