Horn Envy

Horn Envy

“Hey you’re a unicorn.”

“Oh really? I am? I thought I was a Pegasus.”

“…you did?”

“No, numbskull. I was being sarcastic.”

“Oh… well maybe you can answer a question I have.”

“Shoot.”

“Uh?”

“Ask the question.”

“Oh, ok. Why don’t guys like unicorns? My boyfriend’s always saying they’re sissy creatures.”

“He does, does he?”

“And always making fun of me because I like them.”

“You sure that’s why he’s making fun of you?”

“Uh?”

“Never mind.”

“So why don’t guys like unicorns?”

“That’s easy, It’s horn envy.”

“Horn envy? I don’t get it.”

“I get the distinct impression you don’t get much. We make them feel… inadequate.”

“Inadequate?”

“Small.”

“Ooooooh… how so?”

“…how old are you?”

“Fifteen.”

“Oh dear God, I’m not explaining this to you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re a child.”

“So?”

“Look, princess, I’m not going to explain the birds and the bees to a child, especially when that child’s not even my own species.”

“Oh, you don’t have to. I know all about that.”

“…”

“But what’s that got to do with guys not liking unicorns?”

“You’re not the brightest crayon in the crayon box, are you?”

“All my crayons are broken, but my sister has a brand new box.”

“…wow…”

“Do you need to borrow them? I’m sure my sister wouldn’t mind as long as you didn’t break them.”

“No that’s quite all right.”

“So are you going to answer my question or not?”

“Think about it, really hard. I know that’s difficult for you having limited brain cells and all, but try.”

“…oh…oooooooh! I get it now!”

“It’s a miracle.”

“It’s because you’re taller than them with your horn!”

“You don’t get it.”

“It’s not that?”

“No and I’m not explaining it any more.”

“Why not?”

“Gee, I wonder.”

“But…”

“No, you’ll get it when you’re older… maybe… probably not.”

Word Count: 306