She Knows

When she imagines tiny fingers running through her hair, she knows that it's ridiculous. And when she hears his laughter in the breeze, her eyes harden as she scolds herself.

Never would she tell her companions that the green leaves are so much like his favourite shirt or that the clear sky is the exact shade of his eyes. Never would she mention how much the soil reminds her of his hair or how the smallest insect reminds her of his love for them.

She knows that when she imagines the sound of splashing in the river, that it is absurd, for there are no hands to splash with. And when she sees the sunset, she stifles the tears that come with the reminder of his favourite time of day.

It is her best kept secret of his childish words, the nerves they struck and the wisdom she thrived with. And it is her well known desire to read him one last story and to give his teddy bear one last kiss.

She refuses to admit how much the red ball reminds her of him playing or how the passing clouds are so much like the whipped cream he loved on his cupcake.

And when she hears his favourite song and hears him sing along, she knows it's impossible for that voice will never sing again.

When the trees rustle in the breeze and the leaves begin their descent, she knows it's crazy to imagine the sound of rubber against bark and the yell of joy at the view. And when crickets sing their song at night, she knows it's silly to imagine a melody humming with it.

She never speaks of how the clay horse reminds her of the tiny fingers that used to guide it, or how the glow of the moon was like his smile.

When she catches sight on an eagle, she shakes her head, for she knows there are no arms spread out to glide with. And when she views the ocean, she pinches herself to remember that there are no little feet running in the waves.

When she searches through a closet, she comes upon a small book filled with pictures of times in the past. And a box filled with small trinkets that only a child could keep. When she finds a teddy bear with one eye missing and a ripped ear, she admits to the fun. When she smiles she knows it's possible for things to happen.

And when she imagines tiny fingers running through her hair, her eyes soften knowing that it was. And when she hears his laughter in the breeze, she grins, knowing he's laughing along with her.