When I climb
The fated stairs
To the heights
That are my room
I feel the ache
That pulls from
Within my chest
And turns my fear
Into a tunnel of pain
I open the door
And walk to my bed
I look around
Waiting
Listening
For the sounds
Of the night
As I pull back the blankets
And sit on the edge
Of my vessel of safety
Expecting the surge
Of warmth to envelope me
Instead I am silent
And hearing the thump
Of my beating heart
Echoing in my head
Why am I afraid?
I start to breathe in
Faster
Deeper
I can smell the night
Dragging me
Reaching for me
I slide into bed
The night is so dark
Darker than usual
But the night is long
Long to stay awake
But too short to sleep
I lay my heavy head
On my grandmother's pillow
I close my eyes
And think of tomorrow
And how I will spend
The rest of the day
Until I arrive
At the same place again
Here
Tired
Exhausted
Sleepy
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