How Polygamy Is Going to Destroy America

      There comes a point in our lives, Americans, when we have to assert ourselves. We can no longer sit back and let sinners trample over the righteous, patriotic citizens of this blessed country. A fact of vast moment  precipitates on the edge of our cultural morality, and if men like us do not stand up, we may forever lose our cultural and moral superiority. The greatest nation in the world, combined with the greatest religion in the world, with a history of righteous intervention and political might, has to take charge again! No longer can we sit by and watch heretic lunatics destroy our society by flouting the dominating cultural mores of the majority, of the RIGHT... watch them destroy the sanctity of the best and most superior institution that we hold dear... marriage!
      The fact is, my fellow Christians, that the real threat does not come from homosexual fornicators, nor adulterers, nor divorce, nor abusive relationships, but from one constantly ignored terrible sin--polygamy!
      Let me tell you a story, so that you, my brothers, can blazon the Christian message to the heretics. Four years ago, I came upon in my extensive travels a Mormon family. I saw in them a chance to save souls for the glory of God. As I approached I noticed children playing in the front yard. I was dismayed, for I knew that the Mormons were inculcating sin in the impressionable young minds. Nevertheless, for the glory of God, I set towards their door. I knocked and sent a prayer up to The Almighty to give me strength. An old man opened the door, and inside I could see two equally aged women working in the kitchen. Sin! As I felt both anger and hope, I asked the men if he would be willing to discuss the damnation of his soul. With a small smile on his insolent and godless face, no doubt of pride and lust for his two wives, he led me into his parlor. Christians! Hear this! He had been living in complete disobedience of God for nigh on 65 years, and outside played his grandchildren! For 40 of those years he had been married to two wives, and been happy. He had been happy in his sin, reveled in his two wives, lusting after one of them one night and the other the next. Happy! I felt dismayed. How could one be so happy in breaking God's law? Then I felt anger. How dare this man think he is above my beliefs? How dare this man take my knowledge, the knowledge of the truly righteous, the American Christian Right, and think he was above it? I showed him the bible, I quoted scriptures, I condemned him, and damned his soul, but to no avail. Too long had he lived in the deep mire of sin, too long had he had a successful family and lustful polygamous marriage; too long had he been allowed to prosper and raise children who would probably live as their father, and enjoy it, and have loving families of their own, all in the damning sin of polygamy!
      Listen now to me, hearken to my call, all of you Christians! Our version of marriage is superior and right and God blessed, and we cannot allow sinful polygamy to infiltrate our society any more, for mark this, when the Biblical ideals of marriage are lost, we will witness the decay of our society. When marriage is degraded by polygamous moral reprobates, the precedent will lead to even worse consequences. God forbid, it may even lead to the degradation of the value of marriage, an exponential rise in divorce rates, and the perception of marriage as a disposable institution! Call upon Jesus' help, my brothers in Christ and my fellow Americans--fight this sin with all your strength, for polygamy is the single evil which threatens marriage, and with moral integrity shall we defeat it!