Fatty

Chapter 1
         There are many times when I can look at the mirror and think, is this who I really am? Why am I so fat, I need to lose weight.  I’ve always struggled with weight. Teasing always hurt the most, but when I reached high school I never thought the teasing would be bad, I was wrong.
         
         “Hey fatty! Don’t you want this cupcake fatty?” Jason the school jock yells out to me. I’m passing him to get to my lunch table. He stares at me. His friends high five him as though him teasing me is okay.  I try to ignore it.
         “I’m talking to you fat-ass. Yeah whatever.” Jason lets out a laugh and his friends join in with. I don’t understand how any one can let him treat me as bad as he does and not get into trouble. Life I guess, but for me this was hell. So many times I’ve wanted to die, but I know that would only mean he got to me.
         I have no friends, but I guess I like it that way. No one wants to be my friend only because of the way I look. My life is torture. Popular girls spit on me and no one is any better.
         I grew up in the wrong school. I grew up in Galesburg. In here you have to look good to feel good. No one will treat you better other wise. If your friendless you’re a nobody and everyone treats you like that. I am a nobody.
         I had a friend whom was like me. His name was Antonio Rodriguez . We had the best times together, but then the day came. One year ago I had the worse day of my life.

One year ago

I woke up to my phone ringing.
         “Hello?” I was still tired from getting up. I look at the clock, 5 a.m.
         “Yes, is this Priscilla?” The voice sounded like Mrs. Rodriguez.
         “Yes it is.” This wasn’t like Mrs. Rodriguez, I was wondering what was going on. She would never call this early unless it was an emergency.
         “Priscilla I’m so sorry to tell you.” Her voice was getting shaky  and she began to cry, “Antonio is dead.” She let out a great sob.
         “W-What happened?” She couldn’t speak, “Mrs. Rodriguez tell me what happened.” Tears began to flow down my rosy red cheeks.
         “He, He killed him self in the middle of the night. I’m so sorry. Please come down to the house mija.” I could barley understand her. Her voice was shaking so much the words blended together.
         “Okay, I’ll be right down there.” I ran to my moms room and woke her up
         “Priscilla what do you want.” My mother rolled over in bed. I knew not to disturb her while she was sleeping, but I needed a ride.
         “Mom, please I need a ride to Antonio’s.” She could hear I was crying and got up to look at me.
         “Mija what’s wrong?” Grabbing my hand, my mom gave me a hug.
         “Mom Antonio died. He killed him self. I really need a ride to his house.” My mom squeezed me tighter.
         “I’m so sorry baby. Okay you go get ready and I’ll meet you in the car.” I ran out of her room. My mother knew how close Antonio and I were. We’ve known each other since second grade. He was the first to come up to me and talk. Ever since then we were always together. Our moms thought we would get together, but it never did happen. He was my first kiss, my first love, but I never told him. I wish I did.
         My mom was waiting for me in the car. I got in and my mom rushed over to Antonio’s house. When we got there the sun was barley coming up.
         “Priscilla, if you need me call me.”
         “Okay mom. Thank you.” I gave her a hug, “Mom, I love you.”
         “I love you to mija.” I gave her a hug goodbye and she drove away. I went up to the door and knocked on it. Tears were flowing down my cheeks. They felt so warm as though memories were being released. Mrs. Rodriguez opened the door and greeted me with a hug. I remember holding on the Antonio this tight, I never wanted him to let me go.
         “I’m glad you’re here. Antonio left something for you.” Mrs. Rodriguez let me in. She took my hand and led me to the kitchen. I sat down, “Here this is for you.” She handed me an envelope with my name on it. I opened it and it read:
         Priscilla,
         By now you know what has happened to me. I wanted to tell you something that I’ve been keeping inside of me all these years. I love you! Maybe I should of told you before, but I was afraid you didn’t feel the same way. Your probably wondering why I did this. Only because I couldn’t handle life anymore. I loved it, but everyone else made it hell for me. My time spent with you was great. I’ll make sure to tell God to save a spot for you. I hope you never forget me. Tell my mother not to worry and that I love her. I’ll miss everyone. By the way, go into my room there is something special for you that I’ve been keeping for years. It’s in my top dresser drawer.
         It’s time I get going. I love you Priscilla, you’re the only one I loved and I’ll ever love. Keep me in your heart because you’ll be in mine.
                                                                               LOVE,
                                                                     Antonio.

         Tears streamed down my face. He loved me and I loved him. Maybe if I told him he would have never done this. I felt guilt running through my body even though I knew it wasn’t my fault, I felt as though it was.
         “Mrs. Rodriguez, I need to see Antonio’s room if you don’t mind.” I looked at her and she knew how bad I needed to go into his room.
         “Of course not mija you can go in there.” Her eyes were puffy from crying and she continued to cry. She held one of his pictures in her hand and stared at it.
         “Thank you. By the way Antonio said he loves you and not to worry, he’s happy.” Tears ran down the side of her face as she smiled.
         “I’m happy to know.” She looked down at his picture. I left. Walking into his room, I could smell the sweet smell of him. The cologne he would wear every day. I loved it so much. I saw pictures of us on his mirror. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. My first and only love gone. Staring at the pictures and thinking of memories almost made me forget about why I came in there. I went to his dresser and opened the drawer. Moving a few things around I found a box with a note attached to it. I sat on the bed. The card said “Open me first.” The card read:
         Priscilla,
         Your probably wondering why I brought you into my room. This is the hardest thing for me, but it’s a little easier now that I’m gone.  (Open the box)
         
         I open the box and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. A beautiful diamond ring in front of me. I looked back at the note.
         
                Now that you’ve found the ring, I wanted to always ask you to be with me. We grew up together and I knew you were the one that I wanted to be with forever. This was your promise ring. I never got the guts to actually give it to you, but you can take it now. I’ve been saving my money ever since Third grade. Birthday, Christmas and chore money.  Every penny has gone into this ring. That’s a real diamond because you deserve the best. I hope you like it. Promise that you’ll keep it and be with me forever. I love you so much.
                   Love
         Antonio.

         My heart stopped. I’ve never felt this way before. Emotions were running through my body guilty, hate, love, and utter sadness. I felt guilty for not telling him I loved him. I hate him for not telling me that he loved me and never giving me this ring. I loved him because he treated me like I was somebody. I was sad because he was gone and never coming back, now I’m a nobody.
         The day of his funeral was hard. I saw him in his casket and I’ve never felt so much pain surging through my body before. I kissed him on the cheek and let him go. He was in a place where he could be happy. We buried him and for one brief second, nothing but this moment mattered. The world stopped in its tracks and took at look at Antonio’s death. I’ll never forget that day.

Present day

         That was the summer before Freshman year started. The year that I wish I would of went with him. High School is hard without someone to talk to, to hold on to, but I know he would want me to live. No one ever knew him so no one ever cared but me. No one was sympathetic to me, it hurt.
         This is my Sophomore year and I know it’s going to be as hard as freshman year was maybe harder. I walk through the hallway everyday with stares and whispers behind my back.
         “Make way wide load coming through.” The girls would say as they walk past. Sometimes they press themselves right up against the lockers to make a joke. Of course everyone would join in as if it were a good laugh. There were plenty of big kids in my school, but no one bigger than me. I weighed 300 pounds and everyone seemed to care.
         I would hold down the tears and the anger. Sometimes I want to go up to them and squish those who make fun of me to death! I know I can’t though, I know I can’t do much of anything.
         
Chapter 2
September 1st, 2006
         The bell rings and I’m dreading first hour again. Not because I don’t like math, but because I have it with the jocks and preps aka air heads. I walk in and a kid throws their gum into my hair, everyone laughs. I pull it out and walk to my seat. Math was never my strong subject, I wish it was my best subject only because this class is a torture chamber.
         “Boom, boom, boom.” Making the noise as I walk to my seat. The kids laugh and stare at me probably hoping my chair will give in. I sit and class starts. I sit in the middle of the classroom, I wish I sat in the front. People throw paper, pencils and gum at me. To them it’s funny, to me it’s embarrassing.  I clench my fists to hold the tears and anger in, no one seems to notice because they don’t care. They know I won’t do any thing. The teacher, Mr. Thomson, knows how bad I get it in class, but he prefers “them” over me.
         “Priscilla, please come up to the classroom and write your answers on the board.” Sometimes Mr. Thomson laughs at what the kids say about me too. I walk up to the board, but I have trouble getting out of the seat because I’m so big.
         “Jesus fat-ass lets go at a slower pace. I love to wait for you all day.” Jason says out loud. The girls laugh and roll their eyes at me. Mr. Thomson signals me to hurry up, so I do. I’m out of breath by the time I get up there because I had to hurry. I hate going up in front of the class and he does it because he likes to see kids make fun of me.
         “You fat shit. Is it hard for you to move your arms. I think your arm is the size of Brittany and Brittany isn’t a light girl.” Laughter. I ignore them and continue to write my answer on the board. I walk back to my seat with my head down. Someone trips me. I fall hard to the ground. Everyone gets up and they are crying from laughter. Story of my life, one big joke. I’m not moving and no one is caring. I’m fading in and out. I see people crowding me.
         “Priscilla get up. Come on we don’t have all day.” Mr. Thomas is talking to me. I’m losing it. I can’t see anything only hear, “Someone call for help.” There is no one going for help. Mr. Thomas runs to the office. Kids are spitting on me and putting make up on me. I can’t do much of anything.
         “Everyone get back.” The principle, Mr. Leo comes in to see what happened, “Someone dial 9-1-1.” This is a serious matter. People are crowding now and no longer laughing. Of course when I actually get hurt they care. I’m completely out.
         I wake up to find myself in the hospital. My mother is there holding my hand.
         “Mom.” I say weakly.
         “Oh baby are you okay?” She hugs me. I cough hard. She backs away and I spit out blood.
         “Mom what’s wrong with me?” She gives me a look as though I’m really not well. Her head is down and she takes in a deep breath.
         “Baby listen, the doctors say that your going to need surgery because you have a large tumor in your stomach. They say it’s about 70 pounds. I told them to wait until you woke up.” Tears ran down her face. I never saw this coming. I mean I didn’t eat much, but I was still gaining weight. I thought it was just my body.
         “Okay, I’ll have the surgery.” I look at my mom and doctor Hernandez walks in.
         “Hello ladies. I’m Doc. Hernandez. Have we decided on what we want?” He looks at me.
         “Yes doctor. I want to have the surgery. When do I go in.” My mother is squeezing my hand. She’s afraid that something will happen.
         “The sooner we get you in the better. I want you in by today and the surgery shouldn’t take very long I promise. I’ll let you two mingle over things. Just buzz the nurse when you’re ready okay?”          
         “Okay doctor thank you very much.”  Doc. Hernandez walks out and I look at my mom. I can see the pain and sadness in her eyes. It’s like I have death written all over me, but she knows I need to have this surgery.