A Sad Love

A Sad Love 

“What, you’ve got to be kidding”. I knew he wasn’t, but what do you say to that? How can you say anything at all to that? Well, it had been a long day. Her face was red were she had been crying and her hair was a mess. But I didn’t say anything, I just embraced her and gave her all the good thoughts I had left. It was very strange really, how we met. So, I think I shall tell you.
         My Name is Mark Spintz and my daughters name is Meghan. Meghan’s the best really. Her mum left us when she was 10. Since then she has looked out for me. I can’t cook, but am learning. I can’t even operate the washing machine and I probably never will. Meghan has got me out of a lot of tight spots too. That’s why it was such a shock when I got the call from the hospital.
         “Lord no! No! It’s just not fair! No!” She was ugly and lifeless. Lying sprawled over the hospital bed. She was pale, almost grey. Not what a father wants to see her daughter looking like. And the thing that hurts the most is knowing that there is nothing I can do about it.
             There are people everywhere; however, I am so alone. Is there no one who really knows what it is like or am I the only one? Is there No one to love or be loved by? How can I get rid of that lump in my throat and the deep hurt in my stomach that won’t go away? She died later that night.
         There was a knock on the door. Who was it? Could it be the police? I fetched the gun I had and stuffed it down the back of my jeans, like they do in the movies. I walked over to the door, twisted the door knob and swung it open. It felt like it took an age to open, swinging ever so slowly on its hinges.
         “Hi, I’ve come to offer my condolences and offer you with a great deal”. It was the neighbour that had moved in just recently and I hadn’t got to know him yet. I stood there for a minute, like I had no idea what was going on. Then all of a sudden, I remembered my manners and invited him in.

         “My names Steven and I am a funeral director. I would be an honour if we could organise a burial for your daughter, Meghan.
         “Great” I thought, just what I need, an Undertaker in my house.
         “Would you like me to, sir, or would you prefer me to leave, because I can go if you want to be left alone?
         “No, No. Don’t be silly. Stay I just have to think,” he paused for a minute, “yes”
         “So, you would like me to organise it. Shall we start now?”
         “Yes I think so”
         I led him through to the lounge. We sat down on the big leather couches and he pulled out his little black briefcase that I hadn’t as yet noticed. Sitting there answering his questions was the hardest thing I have ever done. I thought I had cried enough already, but I think I must have cried the whole time because he gave me quite a few odd looks. We ended up talking all about her while he took notes. We went through all the things she liked doing, reading and her hobbies and a lot of other things as well.
         It hurt a lot when we came to what I wanted inscribed on her gravestone. I had no idea. After a while I decided on “Darling Daughter, I love you with all my heart and will never let go of the memories of you. Love Daddy”
           I walked down the hall a little, till I came to her room. I smiled at the memories I had of her. Then, for some reason I opened the door and walked in. Her room was neat and tidy, how she had left it. I liked it like this. I walked over to her bed. But half way I felt the first tear, slowly roll gently down me cheek and then suddenly dry up. I let me emotions go then. Standing there in the middle of her room with no one else around I fell down and cried. And I felt truly alone. Meghan was gone and there was nothing in the world that I could to do to bring her back. No laughs coming from her soft lips, no warm hugs before bed time. No one to talk to in the morning when I wake up. Just me and this big old house the creaks in the night. And now I cried. I thought of her in the best way I could, gliding on the stairway to heaven being lead by an angel of the lord.
         There were footsteps echoing down the hall. I knew they were Julies but I made no attempt to get up. I was still trapped in the jail of my emotions, a horrible place to be at the best of times. She came into the room.
         “Hey, its alright. Come on lets go sit down on the bed, shall we”. She’s a really good friend of mine and would do anything for me if only I said. She was talking me to the funeral. She had decided to come and look for me after waiting in the car for a few minutes.
         “Alright, come on we had better go or we’ll be late and you don’t want to be late for yours daughters funeral, do you?” I was almost go to say I did, but I didn’t have the energy, though I managed to mutter an ok. So we got up and walked out of her room, down the hall and out the door.
         The church was all decorated in the things that Meghan loved. There were pink ribbons scattered here and there plus a few of her favourite pictures hang behind her coffin which was covered in tiger lilies, her favourite flower. And standing at the front was the neighbour, Steven. He came over and asked me if I liked it, which I replied yes to. It was truly amazing. I had left it all to Steven to organise, all the invitations and the place of burial and a whole lot of other important things that I hadn’t even thought of, including catering.
         The funeral went well, really. They played some music, sung some songs. Some people got up to speak and the pastor gave us a sermon about the afterlife. Afterwards we all drove to the cemetery and watched as she was lowered into the ground. Many people came up to me afterwards, to say how well I had coped. I hadn’t actually cried during the service, but it had been hard for me. I still thought that it wasn’t fair that of all people, it had to be Meghan, But as I say. ‘Life isn’t not fair, it just cant always go your way.’ Which is true however you look at it?

         Everybody had gone quite quickly, I think they thought I needed some space, which was wrong. What I needed most was to be around people. I was so alone, the type of loneliness that someone shouldn’t have to live with. Well, it was getting late when she came. I will never forget when I first laid eyes on her. She was wearing a black skirt and white shirt, as if she had just come from work. She had with her a bouquet of tiger lilies. She walked past me and I caught a glimpse of her face. It was bright red just below the eyes as if she had being contently been crying for the past few days. She stoped a few graves up from me, knelt down, and laid down the flowers, and stood back.

         After watching her for a few minutes I realised that even though this person was a total messed up wreak of emotions I found some beauty in her. Deep down feelings that I had buried long ago came rising to the surface. Could it be that I had found someone. In the worst possible place I had found someone, other than Meghan, to love. Unbelievably I started walking slowly towards her.  I told my feet to stop. It just wasn’t a good idea. As I was walking I noticed that she was sobbing softly to herself with her eyes closed, so she had no idea I was coming.
         Just before I reached her I gave a little cough as not to startle her. I came up behind her, opened my arms and gave her a hug to comfort her. I still didn’t even know her name.
         “Come on, don’t cry.” I said in my best soft, kind voice “it’ll be alright.” As I was talking I was reading what the gravestone said and I couldn’t believe my eyes. It read:

Michael Conner
Born June 1990 Died 21st April 2005
I Love You, My Baby

         The person who I was holding was grieving for someone who died the same day as my daughter. I didn’t know what to say or do. I can’t exactly say that I had been in a similar position. I decided to take her to her car and drive her home. So that’s what I did.
         We started walking towards her car just guessing where it was, when suddenly she stoped and sat down on a bench that was there. I sat down next to her.
         “Thank you for that. I appreciate it very much. Thanks” she muttered through almost pursed lips
         “That’s Ok. I think I needed it as much as what you did. You see, my daughter died not long ago and she is the only person I had in my life that I loved. My wife left me when Meghan was 10”
         “Oh. I didn’t know that. My son died not long ago either. His father died in the golf war. Michael never new him” she burst into tears and leant on my shoulder.
         “Hey, come one, be strong” it wasn’t much but it was the best I could come up with. I’m not the best in situations like this.
         “So, Um… Sorry I don’t think I caught your name”
         “That’s ok, my name is Alysha”
         “So Alysha I’ll take you home if you want me to I don’t have anywhere else to go. I don’t think I could go home after today”
         “Ok let go back to my place. I’ll make you a coffee”
         We started going out after about 2 weeks after we meet that day at the cemetery. I am not going to say that after meeting Alysha life was normal again. I mean, we both had to come to grips with the fact that a part of lives was gone and never coming, but it was good knowing that there was someone else going through the same situations, feeling the same feelings as me. About 2 months later, we got married and started living normal lives. I learnt how to wash my clothes in a washing machine and I got a good job doing financial work for a big company in the city.
         After work one day, I was sitting down on the couch sipping a cold beer and relaxing, when to my surprise, Alysha come up and stood in front of where I was sitting.
         “Guess what” she said in a nervous voice
         “What” I replied in an equally nervous tone
         “I’m pregnant”
I just smiled. Finally we were really moving on from our past. Then she gave me a glare as if to say ‘how dare you just smile’. Boy, the look on her face was truly priceless.