Nonfiction... sadly

i guess you could call this a story... but it's true down to the last word. no creative liberties were taken :)

she knew she shouldn't be there. the place reaked of memories...summers past, rolling in the grass, sharing jokes and stories. but when she reached the top of the clearing she realized it wasn't the same. the trees were gone. the grass was flat and brown. the log where they'd sat was split in half. the greenery and leaves were dead.

something deep inside her was weeping. this had been their place. the place she had imagined him finding her if she'd ever runaway. where she came when she was pissed off that one day back in june. where fun and sometimes regrettable moments were shared.

she stood in the clearing, wondering for the millionth time where the fuck he was. it was just like old times. she almost turned around to go home, steadily believing he had called her from his kitchen instead of the woods around her.

then she heard it and memories came flooding back. memories of the summer. walking and pretending she didnt see him or hear him coming. it was a game she played. she acted like she didnt know he was coming, let him sneak up behind her and envelope her in an almost bonecrushing hug. she'd scream at first, but soon she'd settle into the comfort of his arms and forget about anything but that moment.

only this time was different. she didnt kiss him right away. thoughts flooded her mind. she knew in her heart why he was there. and she knew she couldnt let the thoughts go. but she kissed him anyway. and they joked and talked. and she sat with him like old times. but he had changed. she had changed. and she was beginning to wonder if too much had happend for things to ever be like they had been. she wondered if things could go back to the way they were that first night when she had finally stopped caring and took the dive.

before long, it was time to leave. he walked her home part way and she told him things would only get more complicated. she wanted to believe him when he told her they would work themselves out, but she still wondered if they would.

she walked home in the rain, a quiet happiness within her. something continually nagged her from the back of her mind, but she had him for two hours. he had been hers for two hours. and right then, she was happy because despite everything she had wanted to be with him again. it had been enough and she wasnt letting any other thought in.

but that's not how things should have been. because this girl was smart. she knew how the world worked and she knew how he was.

but his eyes and his touch, his arms holding her and his promises, were what kept bringing her back everytime. eventhough she had told him she was done, she went back. now what kind of retard does that? she went against her better judgement just to feel his touch again. but she now realized her heart wasnt in it as much as before. despite wanting him again, she knew too much, she was too smart this time around. all the time they were kissing she knew what would become of it.

well there's alot of things she should've done. there are alot of things she should do now. and there are alot of things she will do.

the fighting, and the desimated woods, and the pinpricks of thought poking their way into her head, were proof that things needed to change. no matter how painful it might be, she needed something. and despite thinking it was him for so long, she now knew he wouldn't be that for her again. she wanted to be indepenent. she wanted to be independent.

she wanted him to stick to his promises and make her happy more than he made her sad, and she's still wondering if the day will ever come when the guy who could be perfect at random moments will finally put those moments together and be the one she wants. but if not... that's ok too because she's working on perfecting herself. and she would never ask him to change. I would never ask you to change.